Scared... DH is fighting for full custody and most likely to win
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That means no alone time and them all over me like they are for the 50% of the time that we have now. I'm terrified. I'm not ready to be a mommy 100% of the time. It's hard enough being patient as is. I'm just venting. I'm sure ya'll have seen a lot of my posts/blogs. Just looking for some gentle encouragement.
He doesn't care how I feel.
He doesn't care how I feel. He feels his girls are in danger living at his exes. In essence, from the stories I hear, they are. So I feel bad even feeling this way. And I already know what would happen if I did bring it up. He would blow up at me about how I'm a terrible person for wanting to submit his girls to such dangerous living conditions...
Of course, I'm thinking, is it MY fault you picked a loser woman to have children with? Should have thought of that before he decided to have not ONE but TWO children with- and yet couldn't marry her. Hmmmm, yeah I'm the problem here.
Day in and day out I have to hear him moaning and groaning about this damn court thing and about his ex, and what they are saying. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful he isn't praising his ex at least.
He doesn't stay home with them. I do. I'm searching for jobs and in the meantime I work from home. So guess what? They are bugging me ALL day and I can't get crap done! In the past hour, I've had to "fix" their movie... then they wanted to go outside so I had to get them dressed, then they're hungry. REALLY?!!!!
Yeah like I want them with 100% of the time.
Sounds like your DH needs to
Sounds like your DH needs to find a sitter. Not you.
I get how you feel 100% I had
I get how you feel 100%
I had 2 boys dumped on me and they are ruining my life. Last May my "significant other" challenged his ex wife for full custody of "his boys" because she was trying to relocate them over an hour away.. and she gave them to him. He was living with me at the time and didn't talk to me about this at all. Just.. "hey, I got custody of the boys" one day.. yea, I knew he was challenging her move, but wasn't ready for this.
At the time we only saw them every other weekend and I have shared parenting with my ex (meaning every other week I get my daughter). Now all of a sudden we have 2 boys full time?? We only had a 3 bedroom house!! A SMALL 3 bedroom house that isn't suitable for all of us.. especially when his kids are used to a 3500 sq ft home and have zero manners, respect, responsibility, maturity, etc. They are pure hell to live with. They know the game and will manipulate and destroy the relationship I have with their father every chance they get.
So, here we are a year later. I am a full time working mom, stressed to the max. My daughter and I feel pushed out of our own home by these boys and every day I struggle with not wanting to come home to THEM because I know there won't be a peaceful moment until I go to sleep - and even that's a struggle.
My advice to you.. speak up. If you can't handle it.. you can't handle it. Don't be quiet like me and suffer in absolute misery. If you chose to keep your mouth shut, you better start looking for a therapist now.. for you, your relationship and the kids. That is the only thing that has helped me cope.
Good luck!
PLEASE speak up. If you can't
PLEASE speak up. If you can't and dont' want this-you have to say something.
I know I could not handle SD full time...I know the SD would prefer to be w/us fulltime in a crazy way...and I know my bf wishes he had gotten custody from the getgo-but too late now. PLUS w/paternity being in question there is NO way in hell I'm taking in some other dudes kid/mini bm full time to raise in my home for her to wreak havoc and bully my sons. NOPE. NOR am I spending $ or see him spend so much $ to go for a custody battle.
I'll stay single thank you very much
I was in the same situation.
I was in the same situation. DH's ex said she was moving 8 hours away. DH told her if she went she was going alone. Meaning we took custody of SS who was at that time 11.
BM is metally unstable and didnt take care of her son. He was allowed to run wild and do whatever he wanted inclusing playing R18 games and watching R18 movies..... SS had been to 8 schools moving around whenever BM felt like moving (normally casue she ripped off her current BF).
Anyway I thought of SS and what was best for him and he moved in.
He's a pretty good kid but I have really struggled with being a full time SM. You are right in thinking you get no time for just the two of you...there is always a thrid wheel tagging along. And now that SS is 14 and a teenager things are worse.
I have found it really tough finding my role. I tried being "like" a mother and when that didnt work I have tried disengagement but thats not working either....
SS is away at BM for the school holidays and I am sectretly hoping he will decide to stay there (even though I know living with BM would be terrible fgor him).
You need to be upfront with DH right now because once skids have moved in for good its too late...... then your relationship will always be second to what is best for skids.
Goodluck!!
UPDATE... He LOST custody of
UPDATE...
He LOST custody of the girls??? Honestly, I have no idea how that happened because he has done nothing wrong and she has all sorts of police reports and bum bf living at the house. It was obvious that her attorney, mediator, and judge were all friends. Little town that's corrupt... SO original *eye roll*
Needless to say, DH is NOT lettign that happen. He will get to see them only 4 days a month. I'm leaving my opinion out at that point. So now he has his family involved and is getting the next trial? I think that's what it is??? Moved to another county. I'm trying to make this story short and spare ya'll the long dramatic details of what happened and what I had witnessed. I am not exaggerating when I say that court system is biased and corrupt though. Anywho, DH doesn't have the money to keep funding an attorney so his SD is going to all lengths to get the girls out of that situations.
Here are my thoughts: DH has a BIG mouth- in that he tells his business to EVERYONE. So I had to hear this all day yesterday. Me- I only share coveted info with a few close ppl (besides here because ya'll are my vent group and counsel and shoulder I run to)... anyway, that drives me NUTS that he does that bc he's such an attention whore. SO, his focus is on getting the girls back at all costs. Our marriage, on the back burner. I mean what... we've been married 4 months? We don't have that bond to withstand this kind of stress. Listening to him yesterday and how he will "do whatever it takes" to get them back, alarmed me and quite frankly, scares me. Now, I don't know if what I'm feeling is normal but the tremendous amount of stress this is putting on us, is making me grow distant. I can just FEEL that we're the last thing he is ever worried about. I'm thinking all his promises to me when I moved up here, are out the window. I'm human... and far from perfect. I'll be the first to admit it.
And I'm thinking... great. I got into another relationship where once again, I'm put last because other issues are more pressing.
Here I'm supposed to drop everything and focus on "us" but it isn't reciprocated.
I abhor his touch.
As he latched onto me last night... he wrapped his arms and legs around me, I laid there as straight as a stick.