Should I ignore this or address? Teen SD
We have recently began to stay separate and our baby sharing time with all etc moving toward a routine that prioritises day to day life appropriately on work and time etc other half asks to spend extra time with his bios (my bios are with their dad which means less school run etc etc). His teen opted out. He made an xcuse along the lines of her uniform wasn't washed ready (we have a washing machine). I thought not much of it she's at that age until today on my snap chat I realise she's left a little
group chat we had and deleted me..... I don't see point in bringing it up with other half as that's usually the power battle... or should I address again.... she's been off my socials for years due to very jealous outbursts etc as a side note I was with my own grown up friends the night. I don't want to make more barriers with partner if it can be ignored but i suspect she is acting out to him and he's scared to tell me as he wants our relationship to be different than it is (his daughter and I...)
I'd ignore. She wants a
I'd ignore. She wants a reation so she can play victim of the big bad step mom.
I suspect this as much just
I suspect this as much just didn't want to appear cold. I told her when she added me this summer I'm happy for her to be on it however she usually doesn't like it and it's for her to decide if she's okay with whatever comes up. I used to have to not post things that she may find upsetting (which was basically anything that doesn't involve her....) I'm glad I'm not restrained as much now but it is confusing trying to pick up her triggers/wondering if I've done something wrong. I won't mention it unless my partner tries to talk to me about another perspective now I think.
pretend you didn't notice and
pretend you didn't notice and post whatever you'd like
You know the way SD feels about you
Nothing, no As* kissing is going to make anything better. DH is the father. He must make sure his DD is ready for school, not you.
Boundaries are a great thing.
Boundaries are a great thing. I havnt responded or raised it at all and it feels great. I'm not going to feel guilty for existing anymore. It's already swallowed enough of me
Never feel guilty
Unfortunately we all get that way. We want everyone to be . The HAPPY FAMILY. Mostly never achieve. Divorce rate is around 50% for first marriage and 75% for second marriages. You had no doings with SD. D.N.A make up. Or her first years of being raised . You had no doing with SO separation and divorce.
'You are a come latter person , trying to make sense. Trying to make SD feel normal. And you are finding out like most it's hitting your head against the wall.
You have a DH who doesn't understand, you are not her mother, you are not responsible for SD being ready for school. That's up to him. If he wants SD living, visiting him. That's HIM. He's responsible for his DD . No clean school uniforms. Then he should of washed them. He should of keep track of clean uniforms , that's in him. Even throw he doesn't want the responsibility. His failers are not your guilt
So he does everything for
So he does everything for them mostly now but with the uniform washing comment I think he was trying to cover for the fact that she's told him she's not Coming to stay with him for whatever reason. He isn't communicating that with me, he is typically very avoidant of conflict.
im pretty sure if she has suddenly deleted me off the only social we spoke on then something is being said between them.... but I'm not raising that myself.
he's just said he is picking her up Sunday for a day out as k arranged for our baby and the other you gets to go the aquarium for the day. Not sure how that will play out given there's a massive elephant In the room now but we will see I guess...
I would rub daddy's nose in the stench of his failed family
spawn's manipulative bullshit. Noting intense.
Just. "Did you see that she blocked me in the family group? Just wanted to make sure you were aware and could not play The Emperor's New Clothes game."
Then keep pointing it all out to daddy. I am not one to ignore this kind of crap.
Make sure daddy knows his spawn is shit.
This month it has all came to
This month it has all came to a head. The persistent alienation on toxic ex wife and this being carried into our home life and environment. Partner has finally reached out for counselling. I e had my first session his is this week then we join together next week. So far I wasn't feeling it would be fruitful but that was in my misery of what the situation was.
I have made it clear that asking for the kids to stay separate I agree because I way that I enabled him to avoid facing his reality and placing boundaries with his alienated teen. I made it clear he should be present with his son and I and I will no longer allow our son to play on the fence with him. He will be home with me always and not "shared". We have some time for that to be figured out. In the meantime, the young daughter made it clear to me teen said she's not visiting anymore because she said she hates me.... when she inevitably reached out to dear daddy for money for lunch with friends (she's 13) he declined. And told her her behaviour is unacceptable, and she reaches out only when she wants cash.... to which the guilt trip kicked in.., you're leaving me without money and this is her fault... so you're leaving me cause I don't like her etc etc he asked why she doesn't like me, is there something I have done that hurts her to which she said something wish washy along the lines of she doesn't like me... result is that she has blocked him now.
we spoke about it and a commended him for placing a boundary he knew he was goi g to get backlash from and highlighted how easily she was able to point the finger back at me and pull her love away.
my question at this point. I know it's a cycle he has been in before with her but never has it been at the point in which she's starting to reject contact. I guess our options are for her to not come and the younger children still enjoy their time together and we work alongside that in her own time to address issues or for her to come and be removed from the home and situation every time she becomes volatile and argumentative towards me.... and the other 5 children endure it?
it will come up for discussion very soon I imagine
thanks