Step daughter causing problems in my relationship
I've been with my fiance for 2.5 years and he has 3 other kids with his ex wife. We have a son on the way and while he's happy about it, his daughter has done nothing but make my life difficult. She's only 10 but she seems to think she runs the show. She's constantly trying to make her dad feel bad for not being able to come over whenever she wants. The thing is, she lives 2 hours away with her 12 year old brother and mom so getting them here isn't always easy because his ex wife refuses to bring them.
I understand that she's a child and that her mom is probably poisoning her against her dad and me but it's hard to ignore her rude comments. She's a child yes but she's also old enough to form her own thoughts and opinions so it makes me wonder how much is her and how much is her mom influencing her.
I'm tired of hearing about how much it hurts my fiance because his daughter has yet again tried to make him feel guilty because she didn't get to come over. She has to realize that it costs money for gas to get them here but she never fails to make her dad feel bad for something that is out of his control.
I would say that it's his ex wife causing this but she's been doing this since before I got pregnant though she's probably influencing it to get worse because she claims she's jealous that I'm pregnant when she's been trying to get pregnant with her boyfriend now ex's baby. I wouldn't be surprised if she failed to mention that she's jealous that he's having a kid with someone who isn't her.
She's made no secret of the fact that she hates me even though they were already divorced for 5 years before he ever met me. Apparently she initiated the divorce but still seems bitter that he's moved on. She uses their kids as weapons against him. She's like either do what I want or you can't see your kids.
I'm still tired of his daughter being a spoiled brat who thinks everything should go her way. Today we got the dreaded she thinks daddy is gonna love the new baby more than her and her brother. I've read that can happen and I was worried about it. I'm worried he feels bad.
I'm just sick of them causing problems for us. They've turned what should be a happy occasion into a struggle for his top priority. I get that his kids will always come first as they should but I'd be lying if I said I wish they didn't exist sometimes. To be honest, I'm glad he doesn't get to see them that much simply because I can't stand his daughter's bad attitude.
I know this may be the pregnancy hormones talking but sometimes I wish his daughter would get over herself and realize that daddy has other priorities besides her and her mom and brother. While my fiance is already a great father and dotes on his unborn son already and takes care of me well, sometimes I can't help feeling resentment towards his ex wife and daughter because I feel like his unborn son and I should be his main focus and priorities right now and they're making it impossible with the guilt trips.
I considered leaving him before I got pregnant because I didn't know if I could see dealing with this for the rest of my life but I decided that I wasn't gonna let a bratty kid push me out of the picture. She needs to learn that she's the child and her dad is the parent and that the world doesn't revolve around her and no matter how much she tries to make her dad feel bad for having a life apart from her mom it isn't gonna change the fact that he does.
She's never liked me probably because of her mom and I think our unborn son confirmed that he and her mom are never getting back together. I think she has viewed me as the one standing in the way of that although he assured me he has no interest in a reconciliation with their mom mainly because she was physically abusive which his parents and siblings and friends have confirmed combined with the fact that she has mental problems.
I'm just sick of them and wish they would accept the situation. I'm worried that my son is going to be rejected by his brother and sister. I'm at my wits end and would love to tell that bratty little girl that we're not going anywhere and that she needs to show me some respect whether or not she likes me and that her attitude isn't going to keep her baby brother from coming.
Sorry so long but needed to get it off my chest. Ready to pull my hair out!
Does your fiance have a court
Does your fiance have a court order? If so, what does it say? His daughter should be coming during the scheduled visitation time, and she should be transported by whomever the court order says should be transporting her. If his ex is withholding or refusing to do driving she's supposed to do, he should be filing for contempt. If he's supposed to be doing transportation and he doesn't have money for gas, he needs to figure out a way to pay for gas and see his kids. If he doesn't have a court order, he needs to get one and then follow it strictly. Then when his daughter wants to come outside of his time, he can tell her that the judge says it's her time to be with mom and not get into it with her.
Your fiance needs to put his guilt aside and let his daughter know that bad behavior won't be tolerated. And of course he should tell her that he will love all of his children and she doesn't need to worry about him loving someone more.
Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, WRONG!
"I get that his kids will always come first as they should "
Wrong. Kids never should and never can come before the marriage and the equity life partners to each other. Kids are the top relationship responsibility but never trump the adult relationship between the partners as priority.
Anything else is a death knell for the marriage. This includes the child the two of you are about to have together.
Your child and your child's elder half sibs can not be the priority for either you or their father.
I would also question how great a father your SO is. If he was a great father he would have his daughter firmly under control, an enforcable visitation court order and BM would be a non issue.
Do not worry about whether your Skid's accept your son. If they are toxic shits it is better if they don't and you can keep them as far away as possible.
Congrats on the baby.
Good luck.
Why isn't your SO setting
Why isn't your SO setting limits on his kid? Let me guess, he's afraid she won't come over.
She needs to learn that she's
She needs to learn that she's the child and her dad is the parent and that the world doesn't revolve around her
And the way that she learns this, is by proper parenting, so what is your SO doing to put her in her place when she acts up?
I think you need to reframe
I think you need to reframe this a bit. the person who is letting you down here is your SO. It isn't his daughter's fault that they live 2 hours apart. Who can blame a kid for missing their father and being dissapointed that he doesn't see her.
I guess the basic questions are
1. Do they have a CO? If so.. what does it say about visitation? How often does he get visitation and who is responsible for transportation?
2. If the CO is mute on who is responsible for transportation.. I might then think about who is responsible (or more responsible) for the distance. Did he move further? if so.. maybe he should be making some of the drive? It also might be that both parents should be splitting the distance.. an hour per parent? meet in the middle.. or alternate.. where one picks up.. one drops off.
3. Honestly, in the end.. it may fall on him to do more driving if he wants to see his child as a non-custodial parent. It may not be fair.. but in the end.. sometimes that is what will have to happen if he can't force BM to pick up her end of the rope.
4. And he SHOULD make exercizing his visitation a priority.. it is an obligation that he has..and he needs to schedule his life to meet that obligation. You are not obligated to change..but he should.
If things are not set out well in their CO.. perhaps he needs to go back to modify?
I'm not sure how SO thought
I'm not sure how SO thought he could afford another baby when he can't afford the gas to see the ones he has.