You are here

I've decided to leave my fiance

Rednwhiteroses's picture

You may have seen my post on Monday about my disrespectful SD. Well I talked to him about how I was feeling and he immediately jumped on my case talking about how I wasn't accepting his kids. I told him I'm willing to accept his kids but not if they're going to disrespect me and walk all over me and especially not if he's going to allow it to happen.

I don't know why we're expected to love and accept kids that aren't even ours yet we're supposed to be ok with these same kids treating us like garbage or we're somehow in the wrong. Excuse my language but f*** that. The fact is that we're the adults and they are kids and they don't have to like us but they have to treat us with respect.

Well now a new issue has come up with my SS who lives with us. He's got ASD and he's 18 but functionally he's 13. Well I'm getting tired of him as well. I'm not exaggerating when I say he literally does nothing around here yet has everything handed to him. All week he's been bitching about this stupid toy that costs like $40. He literally will not shut up about it. I want to look at him and tell him that when he starts pitching in around here then he can have treats.

Of course I'm just supposed to grit my teeth and bear it even though it's my money being spent on this crap too. I don't believe in rewarding kids for doing nothing. That's not the way I was raised and I'm damn sure not going to let him get away with it.

I'm wondering how much of it is autism and how much is just him being entitled because he gets whatever he wants all the time. I'm sick of going without because of his kids. I didn't birth them and I damn sure didn't sign up for this and I'm tired of being told to just put up with them or I'm this terrible person.

So last night I called off the wedding and gave him his ring back and I'm moving out when I get paid next week. I'm not going to live my life being resentful and being told I shouldn't feel that way and that I should put up with his entitled, spoiled kids getting whatever they want at my expense because he's too afraid to parent them instead of being their friend. Kids need their parents to be parents and not friends. 

Also I'm like 99% sure he's cheating. We have a queen size bed and he bitches about not having enough room in the bed. Bullshit, there's like 3 feet of space between us. He makes this weak excuse of worrying that he's going to roll over on me and hurt the baby. That's about the most stupid excuse I've ever heard and I recognize it for what it really is, an excuse. I've never heard that one.

He treats me like I'm an inconvenience and a burden simply because he helps me with the most minimal of effort and acts like I'm supposed to be bowing down with gratitude. Just his entire attitude towards me has changed. I don't have proof that he's cheating but he's displaying a lot of the typical signs of it. I've told him before that I'm not happy and haven't been for a long time but he never took me seriously when I told him I was going to leave him. I honestly think he just didn't care and still doesn't. 

Well I'm taking myself out of the picture. F*** being treated like this and f*** having to deal with his horrible kids. I didn't ask for them to treat me the way they do and they're not going to any longer. I'm tired of being treated with no respect and being walked all over obviously not being valued or loved. I'm basically just here to cook and clean and do laundry for him and his kid. I'm treated like a servant who should remain in the background. 

I now honestly have doubts about whether or not our wedding would've ever happened. Sometimes I wonder if he didn't propose just to keep me around to have someone around to take care of him and his kids. Either way, it doesn't matter anymore because I'm not going to be around for it to happen anymore. Kid or not I know I deserve better and I know I'll find it. Thank you for reading.

tog redux's picture

Good for you! It's nice to see someone heed the red flags and choose wisely. Not all men expect their partners to cook and clean for them and take mistreatment from their kids. 

Rednwhiteroses's picture

I've forgotten perhaps the most important thing. I'm not going to allow him to raise our unborn son the same way. My son isn't going to have the same sense of entitlement. It's like I said in my post, I wasn't raised that way and I'll be damned if my kid will be. It's not my fault that he messed up with his kids but I'm gonna do everything in my power to make sure he doesn't raise our unborn son to be a bratty, entitled little shit like his other kids are. And going back to my post on Monday, I don't care if his siblings don't accept him because I would actually prefer it if they don't spend much time with him so that their attitude doesn't rub off on him.

justmakingthebest's picture

I am glad you are leaving the situation. I hope that you find peace and happiness in your life and a partner one day to share it all with. 

I do want to say though, please don't keep your child from his/her father. He may be a dumbass but he is your child's father and a part of his/her identity. Come up with a fair and reasonable visitation schedule and let him be a part of this child's life. You will have the greater impact if you are the primary custodial parent and it sounds like fighting for custody really won't be an issue. However, dads are important too (even the Disney dad/jackass ones). 

Rags's picture

Since you are leaving, I would suggest going to family out of state and having your child there.   That puts jurisdiction for any Custody/Visitation/Support court actions in a different state than where the BioDad lives and gives you a greater ability to manage the influence of this failed parent on your child.

Though it was not purposeful my wife landed on a version this model and it was a huge advantage in keeping the toxic SpermClan under control.    My wife had established paternity of SS and been awarded full physical and legal custody when SS was less than a year old.  That order did not address visitation since DW and the SpermIdiot were ostensibly still a couple.

A number of months later she finished HS with her class, with honors, and then left to attend University out of state after the SpermIdiot repeatedly cheated on her.  She maintained contact with the SpermClan though none of them made any effort to visit SS.  When the small town SpermLand grape vine informed the SpermGrandHag that DW was dating someone SpermGrandHag forced her idiot son to pursue custody of SS in SpermLand.    Long story short, since DW had moved out of state before the SpermClan initiated an attempt at custody the SpermLand courts could do little more than initiate a visitation schedule.  Due to the distance between where DW and SS were living and SpermLand the visitation schedule was limited.  The Judge ruled that each party was responsible for getting the child to their location which ultimately limited their influence over SS as they claimed they could not afford their half of visitation travel periodically over the years.  There were a number of periods of a year or more that they would not take their visitation due to the cost of airfare.  At the end of each of those periods we would pay for their half of travel costs so that SS could maintain a relationship with them.

Though it was an accident, DW moving out of that State was a great move for her and for SS.

Take care of you and your baby.

InDisbelief's picture

You did the right thing. Lol about the bed thing.... my ex said it was too hot to sleep in the same bed with me while I was pregnant. Lame ass excuse. So he would sleep on the couch. I'm 99.9999999% sure he was cheating too. (A month or two later he was already in another relationship and has seen our son maybe 5 times since birth, the last time being in August.) I don't know why it's so hard to tell the truth. I just wish I would have left sooner, like before my baby was born. I stayed way too long. Good for you for getting out now and congrats on your baby:)