Hi everyone! After searching the crevices of the internets, I stumbled upon this forum and I hope it will help me to find some understanding and relation to others.

First of all, I have an 11-year-old-son that is going through the pre-teen phase. He has NEVER been easy. He was diagnosed at 18-months by four different pediatricians and child-development specialists with ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder and Oppositional Defiance Disorder. He has taught me patience more than I ever thought possible. I am sure that any of you who have a child like this knows exactly how my Mom career has been thus far.

He shares time between me and his Dad and currently switches homes every week between us. His Dad is an entirely different story, but the calm and cooperation between us in the past couple of years still leaves me speechless. His Dad and I were never married and split when he was three. Up until three years ago, I remained single and loved it. Long story short, I have been with my SO for three-something years now and he currently lives in my home. He has two younger boys and an ex-wife that has been suspect AF. Over the past three years, they came over for Thanksgiving (which I hosted for him and his boys since mine was with Dad that year) and that was the first I met them.

I was immediately pissed off that I was thrown into the parenting position and he disregarded his responsibilities. The boys and I hit it off and they fell in love with me and me with them, but I wanted them to spend that short time with their Dad, not me! I told my SO that he should read to them at bedtime, give them their baths, etc., but he fell back onto that they asked for me. Me being the overly-mothering type, I couldn't refuse to let them not be taken care of and I did the majority of the parenting for that weekend. That time and the fact that my SO does not step up with my child makes me bitter and resentful of him and his children. 

Honestly, I know we shouldn't be together and that is an extremely long story I do not want to get into. However, to make a point in my story, I need to explain how before he had been jobless, had an arrest warrant for not paying child support, blah blah blah. I supported him, guided him and loved him until he finally found a job, fixed everything with the courts, and is now a responsible human being in that sense. Now that he is a responsible payer of child support he is seeking to have them every weekend.

#1 He decided this without consulting me

#2 He has not provided me with notice until the day of that his boys will be here for the weekend

#3 He blames me about getting angry about #2 solely on me

The first time this happened I was SO PISSED that I holed myself up in the bedroom the entire weekend. I became more and more resentful because I could see how hypocritical he is with stupid small things that kids do. I have tried and tried to express this to him, but he is just the type of person that refuses to see his faults and prefers to blame it on others.

My largest concern at the very moment is that one of his boys has had a cough every time they have visited. I am not exaggerating whatsoever. The previous weekend they were here after not seeing them in two years I had mentioned it and he refused to acknowledge it. The night they left I started to come down with flu-like symptoms and ended up being confined to bed for the entire week. Once again they are here for the weekend and the same one is hacking all over the place. I feel like such a bitch for hiding in my room and spraying/wiping everything with disinfectant when I leave the bedroom, but I feel like I have no other choice. I have a compromised immune system due to an auto-immune disorder and I can't have someone who won't listen or care about my health in favor of ignoring his children have a problem that put me at risk.

I feel like a terrible person because all I want to do when his kids are here is drink too much and hide. Our relationship feels so complicated because I have discussed with him several times that I want him to leave but he refuses. Honestly, it got to the point that I felt sorry for him after the help I gave him to support them and start being a part of their lives again that I can't do a restraining order to make him leave. And yes, I have been there, done that. He isn't on my lease and I have to do a restraining order to make him leave.

FFS, what can I do?! I feel so lost, angry, resentful....everything!