I've been with my partner for over 5 years. He has 2 girls and another former stepdaughter he raised from a baby and has a good relationship with still. So 3 girls. They stay with us 1-2 nights a week but live with their BM. I've had a mostly civil relationship with her and she and my partner are amicable, mostly. Despite this, I cannot stand the woman as everything she does is the polar opposite of successful or effective, yet she won't listen to us and undermines everything we try to do to support with behaviour of the girls. Or I should say girl...middle SD is 13 and I can't stand her any longer. She's always been the most difficult for me as she is a clone of her BM. I've reached my limit with her horrendous behaviour. Last I saw her, she was repeatedly screaming f* you from the car to her dad and me as she drove of with her BM. She calls me (and everyone else) a b**h secretly recorded me in my own home losing my temper and shouting at her and shared it everywhere (after editing herself out), says hateful things put of nowhere to everyone and disturbs the neighbours.

The s**t really hits the fan when anyone (school, her dad, me, her BM) tries to give her consequences. Try to confiscate her phone for example and she'll kick, slap, scream and swear until we give in. It tuns off and on like a tap and she goes down a checklist in her head of responses to us. 1) Swear 2) scream 3) stops and thinks for a minute 4) throws something 5) screams and kicks/slaps etc. Her latest trial was to refuse to go to school until we apologised to her and gave it back!! The whole punishment was for skipping lessons in the first place!!

So her BM gives in and she gave her the phone back, completely undermining us and the consequence, as always. She does this within 24 hours of her leaving our house. She won't enforce any consequences...EVER. she says she thinks SD has anxiety and mental health issues. I say BM wants a quiet life and SD us a manipulative demon! Ot isn't doing SD any favours as she can't accept responsibility or with with authoritative figures...EVER...at home or at school.

I've decided that it's not my circus, not my monkey and have decided to disengage from her as I have no overall control over her discipline, neither does her poor dad although he tries when she's with us or BM asks for help. I'm 6 months pregnant and have gone into self-preservation mode by excluding her from things I personally control. I won't care for her anymore without her dad present and refuse to do or buy anything above and beyond food for her. I'm the car driver in our relationship and wanted to reward the other two girls for amazing achievements recently so am funding and driving for a fun evening out with them. The other has not been included as she deserves nothing and I don't want her near me anymore if I can help it, for my mental and physical health. She is also now excluded from my baby shower after warnings and much deliberation on my part.

According to BM, her dad is now the worst dad ever for excluding their poor, anxious child. However I'm taking control where I can regarding what I see as a dangerously manipulative child, with his full support. Am I doing something terrible as I don't want to make his life harder, I love him? I've had enough of this child and am.putting myself and my own baby first right now.