Venting venting venting
I'm going to vent because it is the middle of the night in Fairyland and I can't sleep. Someone tell me that it gets better. Me and DH were so happy once- now we seem to be caught in a trap of joyless nothingness.
He came back in our bed but there is no affection from him, no conversation, just snoring- all the time!
What can I do? I feel like I'm going to let rip at him and the whole house of cards will come falling down. I've been so patient, so calm, so damn reasonable I feel he's just pushing and pushing and provoking me. He says stupid things, he gets tetchy, he makes remarks all the time like I can't do anything right. Stupid little things like- 'I'll put the washing in the drier because it will start to smell'- like just put the washing in the drier, and stop with your loaded remarks!
I haven't slept well since he made the decision to sleep with me again. The bottom line? I don't think he gives a flying f**k about me. I'm being driven nuts by the whole crazy shebang.
Well I know wish I hadn't
Well I know wish I hadn't posted this and don't know how to delete it!
Why not? It seemed a good
Why not? It seemed a good place to vent your frustrations.. you might be able to request it be removed
I was just feeling sorry for
I was just feeling sorry for myself- not an attractive trait. Who do I make the request to?
Dawn or Admin would help in
Dawn or Admin would help in this situation.
You're entitled to feeling
You're entitled to feeling that way.... anyone would, in your shoes. It doesn't make you look bad, it shows you have a hurting heart. Nothing unattractive about being able to feel.
I am sorry. It sounds painful
I am sorry. It sounds painful and I think you deserve better. Nothing wrong with venting. We are here for you.
I am going to speak to DH
I am going to speak to DH about it later. We did have a conversation previous to his 'return' and we said we would see how it went. Maybe we can have that review- I hate losing sleep and I was sleeping so well when I was alone... it is the loss of affection and disinterest that I can't deal with either. I've been looking at how you start these difficult conversations, but we'll see how things are when he gets home. Thanks for being there/here. I know I deserve better. We both do.
What is the point of him
What is the point of him coming back to the marital bed if he shows no interest or affection? Just being in the same bed does not change anything if his state of mind has not changed and there is no emotional connection. It's an empty gesture.
Is all of this stemming from you disengaging from his adult kids? I find this very childish of him and off putting.
Or, is something else going on with him?
Let it out. It's good to have
Let it out. It's good to have this perspective down the road sometimes. We sometimes pull the wool over our own eyes regarding our relationships.
I'm very confused and not a
I'm very confused and not a little bit tired. I can't pull the wool, for me that doesn't work. Things are as they are. I want a grown-up relationship-not one in which either of us as to act like a child. Do you think couples ever achieve that equilibrium?
I agree with the above
I agree with the above poster, simply say "Thank you" when he does something like put the clothes in the dryer, but ignore the loaded remark.
As far as sleeping together, make the first move, start touching him, cuddle up to him, let stuff happen. MAKE it happen. Once you break through that wall and are having regular sex again, other areas of your life will improve and not seem so important (like loaded remarks)
Yep- I agree about ignoring
Yep- I agree about ignoring the loaded remarks- but I would never 'thank' him for doing house chores- that is as much his role as it is mine. He does have a bit of an obsession with clothes, though!
Yes, I thought about a schedule too- the sleeping together just at weekends makes sense. I agree about the 10 minute cuddle rule-we used to do this a lot- now I try and he just blanks me. I think he's suffering more than I am though, as I hug people a lot!
I'm feeling glad we didn't have the 'talk' tonight, in the end we were too busy- but over the weekend I think I may see how things pan out and look for 'pointers' where I can just say things without it being it being an 'appointment' to unburden our frustrations.
I'm feeling more upbeat- thanks everyone!
Trust your judgement. Re key
Trust your judgement. Re key the locks and enjoy a new start to your life adventure.
Take care of you.
Thanks Rags- appreciate the
Thanks Rags- appreciate the message. I am trusting my judgement and feeling my way through- why use a sledgehammer when a little touch of velvet is all that's needed?