18 yr. relationship, 1 stepson no bio, mom enabler
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How do I deal with partner needing to constantly give son money because of her guilt. He always needs money, won't work extra because his wife"won't let him", they have 3 kids the can't afford. Daughter-in-law has entitlement issues, won't work outside the home because she is afraid of "way to many things". We love our grand kids but getting difficult when they always need money but don't act like adults.
Any thoughts?
I often feel I should just go to work and stay out of it all, this also affects marriage of course.
Are you all wealthy? Does
Are you all wealthy? Does SDIL come from wealthy family? And what does your DW do for a living? I think DW needs to CUT the cord ASAP. She really needs to STOP.
SS is 31 and SDIL is 30.
SS is 31 and SDIL is 30. SSDIL comes from grandparents that are wealthy but parents are moochers as well.
Yes bad things are in store if I keep trying to tell mom to make him figure it out. She just won't listen, forces me to disengage regularly but I do the grant kids and they love me.
I do love the grand kids, we
I do love the grand kids, we aren't wealthy and we relocated to Denver to be near them. Big adjustment financially and son knows it but still asks for us to pay for things.
If I leave son won't let me
If I leave son won't let me see grand kids anymore. Mom just fells like she owes son for his childhood that wasn't great.
That is emotional blackmail.
That is emotional blackmail. You and your DW need to keep your funds in order. If you and/or DW can not work or get laid off, who is going take care of the 2 of you.
It is defeating,,how did we
It is defeating,,how did we not just run from each other years ago I don't know. I just need to vent, see that my feelings are realistic and. Be validated so I can maintain. Please tell me there others out there. How do you cope. I want to find some people who are where I am and come up with self time and positive answers not just bitch and complain. If that were the case the only answer is to get out of relationship and stop bitching. About it.
Just read your bio. Laughing
Just read your bio. Laughing since last night (dusk) I saw a tiny beat-up Hyundai towing a huge minivan down an icy street. In Colorado. You do what you need to do no matter what "family obligations" or TV watching schedules may conflict.
Shoplights and extension cords work outside. I've used a living room lamp minus shade ... If it's below zero, a habachi's great to cook dinner and warm hands. A starter is how many bolts ? ARGH.
I understand that you're devoted to your grandkids, but they are NOT your children. Never will be. This threat will always be held over your head. Your DW is flat-assed wrong. She is hurting her grandchildren and emasculating her son. (There is not too much work for emotional eunuch's these days)
Amen...If you do not love
Amen...If you do not love yourself, who will.
All good advice and I glad
All good advice and I glad someone is finding humor in my bullshit. DW will never see therapist and never , even though she knows what she's doing, stop hurting him. DIL emasculated him everyday as well, he takes it, her mother does the same to him and of course to her own alcoholic (go figure )husband. What a pattern!
Though I generally am an all
Though I generally am an all income is our money kind of guy in your situation the only way DW gives her spawn money is if she earns it .... were I you.
If you are the sole marital income then the Skid gets no money. He is an adult with a wife and 3 children. He needs to man up and get his home and family in order. He must live within his own means. Your DIL's issues are not your issues nor are they your DWs. In fact whether you are the sole income or not .... I would cut the bride off from all money before I let her give any marital resources to this useless waste of skin of a SS-31.
This is an issue I would put my foot down firmly over. No need to leave but for sure DW needs to understand the support the adult son gravy train is now over permanently.
IMHO of course.
Thanks for the positive
Thanks for the positive suggestions, I will start doing that. I really hAte that I put myself in this position so many years ago .