SD wants to quit a club
OK, Im new here so hopefully I am posting in the right place! I have 2 SD's, one is 13 & one is 15.....I am having a small problem, the 15 year old freshman wants to quit the debate club which she recently joined at school......this is a common thing with her, wanting to quit something because it is a challenge. SHe came home the first day talking about how much smarter everyone else is. This is not something she is used to, at her junior high, she was one of the top kids, but now she is at a much more competitive school.....we have never let her quit something in the past, and thank god we didn't, because everything we made her stick with she ended up loving it eventually!! My sd is really pushing to quit, especially after her weekend visit to her bio mom's....she came back saying things like "dad only wants me to be in it so he can brag to his friends" and "dad's trying to live through me" soooo not true.....we really think she can be good at this and would end up loving it with just a little bit of effort.
So anyway, for the first time, my husband (her dad) is letting her quit, even though I really feel like she should stick it out. I know it seems kind of silly, but I am really upset about this and think she should stick with it, at least for this year....I know she will be amazing at it. She is an amazing speaker and it so bright and has a great memory...I just know in my heart it is something that she can really be good at.....any advise. I have thought about calling bio mom to talk about what was said?? Maybe I should just let it go.....maybe its not a battle worth fighting?? I just hate to see my sd regret this someday.
Let it go. You don't want to
Let it go. You don't want to get involved here. As for the quitting thing, I am okay with one thing they can quit. It may not be for them. Why push it. Find something else. If there is a cost involved, then I say stick it out for at least the semester. If there was no cost or a minimal one, she has a right to say I don't want to do this. I have a son that takes on too much and I would love if he would quit something. If she is not involved in anything else, you can suggest something. Otherwise, I would let this be. Not worth the drama.
I did bring up speech
I did bring up speech team,the school magazine (she loves writing) or the newspaper. Do you think it would be mean to at least make her commit for 1 year to whatever club she joins next if we let her give up debate? I just don't want this to become a habit.
I do think that she should
I do think that she should have to be in one activity. I allow one activity, one sport and scouting. Just make her pick something. If she does, then she can drop debate. Otherwise, no. If she picks something else, you have to support her and let the "quitting" thing go. High School is all about them asserting her independence. As for the comments to Dad. That sounds like BM PAS'ing Dad. I would have Dad mention that to her, if they have a semi-decent relationship. For us, those kind of comments are a daily occurence.
I was going to say, see if
I was going to say, see if she'd be willing to give it the semester as a compromise.
I have a question though, is her dad letting her quit because of her saying "dad only wants me to be in it so he can brag to his friends" and "dad's trying to live through me"?
If so, then she just successfully manipulated him if he let's her quit for that reason.
I think that is a big part of
I think that is a big part of it, because he has never let her quit something before, at least not this soon......she has only been to the first 2 meetings. Really, if she gave it a good 6 months and really tried and then hated it, I would NEVER want to make her do it. I just want her to know that life is a challenge, you will not always be the smartest person, or the best at something, but no-one is the smartest or the best their first day......when she gets her first job and all the other more experienced employees know what their doing and you are intimidated, you don't just quit. I know it can be scary and difficult, but you cant just quit. You need to give it 100%. But then there is the other side of me saying, she's just a freshman, this is not her first job, don't push her, she's at a hard school and there are so many adjustments freshman year, etc.....I just hate to see her quit something so quickly because it requires some hard work. Well idk, maybe they need to make their own decisions more in high school to help them get ready for college.
Yea, your probably right, its
Yea, your probably right, its just so hard when you know they would really love it.....but I guess part of living is learning! Thanks for all the good advice everyone!!
I think HS is a big time for
I think HS is a big time for teens to figure out what they want to do and devote to. There are so many clubs. I say, make her find one and commit to it for the rest of the year. She may have to try a few out for the first few months until she finds the good fit. This is normal, IMO, having had 3 teens try all kinds of things til they found their niche.