Guilt and Anxiety is destroying me
I've been married for 5 years to my beautiful wife who I love dearly. She has a 10 year old daughter who lives with us full time during the school year. We also have a 4 year old daughter together. I always knew it would be difficult to try to treat them the same but I had no idea how hard it would be and how badly it would affect me. As soon as my daughter was born everything changed for me. There is no possible way I can feel anything for my SD like I do for my own. Over the last 4 years I have developed a deep seeded resentment towards her. I'm sick of feeling like I have to show her affection whenever I show my daughter affection. I am a loving and caring father who dotes on his daughter but I'm in a never ending cycle of anxiousness. I just want to be able to be myself in my own home. I want to be able to come home from work and smother my daughter in kisses without feeling guilty. I want to be able to play with her without the constant intrusion of a needy SD who is always competing for my affection. The older she has gotten the more she annoys me. Whenever she is with her dad for any period of time I am happy and at peace. I am a great father and husband during those times but as soon as she gets back I enter a state of misery and it's affecting my marriage. I Can't stand living like this but I'm trapped.