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Stepmother question

DD's picture

Submitted by DD on Mon, 08/13/2007 - 11:07am

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Step/Bio Father's Den

Hello fellas,

Im engaged to my fiance of 2 years and he has a 2 year old son...he is very close to his son and is worried that i am not as motherly as his sons biological mother is and it has been causing problems between us. I love his son and consider him as my own when we get married. I dont have any children of my own so when i dont show his son as much affection like his mother would, or play with him as much as he does, my fiance starts to think crazy thoughts like i dont like his son, or that he doesnt think ill be a good stepmom, or that ill make him push his son away when we have our own children which is totally absurd...Its been a real strain on our relationship...

Anways i wanted to know all the guys thoughts on this and if other men have had the same thoughts before? Any help is greatly appreciated. thanks!

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Submitted by not2sureimsanea... on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 1:44pm

O-kay... please peruse some more of this site and realize that you're fiance is the one who is in the wrong here. You are NOT OBLIGATED to "love him as your own." That's a bunch of bullcrap and any man who is telling you that your actions don't show it should get a swift kick to the balls.

You are NOT HIS BIOLOGICAL MOTHER, you DO NOT have any responsibility to LOVE him. Be responsible for his needs when necessary (as in when his dad truly can't--not won't--do it) but anything other than that is a favor and should be done at your own pace. He's delusional if that is one of the reasons he wants to marry you.

If I were in your shoes, I'd talk to him about this ridiculous requirement and depending on his answer, figure out if you truly want to stay or not. As my FDH (fiance) told me, "I don't need you to be a mother, I just need you to be my wife."

bottompile's picture

Submitted by bottompile on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 2:57pm

I am completely on the same boat. I am expected to supress my anger and jealousy towards his kids (my fiance has 2 girls- 8 and 9). Everytime I try to tell him even when it was his childrens fault he gets very defensive. I love him and I stay in the relationship for many other reasons.... unfortunately the kids issue has been always an issue and has progressed. I try to be thier friend but it always hurt when they compare. I am not around to compete with their mom or prove that I am any better. (She's never worked her life and she just has been popping babies) I on the other hand have been career minded and doing well for myself so there hasnt been any need to prove anything.

I am sorry, but I cant ever love them like my own. Yes I care for them. There have been numerous times when I had to take responsibility over them. But I think it ends there...