Where to go from here ??
I m a single mom of 4 children ~ there father passed away 6 years ago.
I am engaged to a wonderful man who has a high conflict Ex ~ who frankly loathes me. My fiancé n I dated over 25 years ago ~ we were friendly when we ended things ~ I wanted what he wasn't ready to give me. We chatted in the beginning ~ we had mutual friends. Easy to get tabs on his life n visa versa.
He started dating crazy ex wife n they dated for 3 months broke up n she came back to him n informed him she was pregnant. He did NOT stay with her ~ after his daughter was born things changed. He had then move in ~ shortly after ~ she was asked to leave. Couldn't handle not seeing daughter n had her move back in ~ when daughter was 7 they got married n divorced 4 years later. She rides the crazy train !!!
When we got back together his daughter was 15. The list of shot she has done would make your head spin.
She was caught by the cops w bf who had drugs on him. = grounded
Would sneak out of MY home ( cutting my screens ) = grounded
Caught smoking pot = grounded
Brought ectasy pills in my home where I had a five yr living.
Was caught having sex in a car on school property by a teacher.
Those are just some highlights !
We had an incident happen at my home over the holidays where his daughter's was completely disrespectful to one of my guests. At this point I had had enough ~ the disrespect was on over load. This is MY home , my safe haven for my children ~ the only home they know of. I could no longer have her SD or her bf in my home.
In turn ~ SD turned her back on her father ~ she felt neglected that he didn't lover her any longer. She came to my home ~ collected her belongings n announced she was never stepping foot in this house ever again. ( thank you god)
The next couple of months she harassed n bullied my daughter on a daily basis at school ~ cause she wasn't getting Daddy's attention ~ oh she was getting his attention ~ he called n questioned her as to why ~ no response was given. I guess she didn't like Daddy's reaction.
She ignored him for 2 solid years ~ he went into the Great Depression. Her lovely mother decided it was a great idea for mom to move in with her bf out of state. Leaving the daughter to live w daughters bf's family for the remainder of the 4 months of her senior yr in HS. ( great mom huh ? )
In the past 2 months my fiancé n his daughter have rekindled their relationship. Daughter has Inuit her job n she dropped out of college last year. ~ here comes the pity party. All choices she made on her own.
My question is ~ how do I deal w this relationship ? I want him to have a relationship with her. I know how manipulative she is ~ I feel like it's only a matter of time. I am standing strong on my thought of ~ I am owed an apology for all the shit she put me through ~ am I off my rocker ??? I will not let her enter my home w out an apology.
As fathers ~ where is his brain ??
Asshatress !!! OMG I love
Asshatress !!! OMG I love that !!
I know it kills him that I don't ask about how his time with her went. But I can't be fake ~ I wear my heart on my sleeve. I see no need to utter her name ever again. To me she is the one that loses n she loses over n over again. Not being able to come to our home n visit.
All because of what your pride ??? I don't even get it ~ how can you be that clueless to not realize you are wrong on so many levels ??
Yes ~ that is what I think I
Yes ~ that is what I think I have done in my heart. By not pitching a bitch fest when he wanted to spend time with her. That's his life not mine. But no two lives will ever cross paths.
She manipulates him so badly ~ like a chameleon. He is so blinded by her "charm" ~ I think I just threw up in my mouth typing that. Lol
Justastep ~ so there is 50%
Justastep ~ so there is 50% chance of hope.
I think he wants me to clean the slate but I can't until she acknowledges whst she did to my daughter. That is plain n simple. There was no need to take her frustrations out on my daughter. If she were frustrated with her father ~ tell him not bully my daughter.
It's been over 2 years n I live chaos free ~ drama is not heightened like before. Everyday isn't a problem. I can let my hair down. I m at ease.
I find it ironic how she cried abandonment on my fiancé cause she didn't like our rules but when her mother basically said to her ~ I am loving to the next state over ~ ( during daughters senior years of hs) Who does this ??? Where is it ok to allow your teenager daughter to live at her bf's house. Am I crazy ??? BM couldn't have waited till school was completed. That kid I m sure lives in her bf's house with no rules or guideline n that is why she feels so entitled. I can't get past mommy dearest moving n leaving her daughter. Isn't that abandonment ???
I think the kids are so
I think the kids are so consumed with objects ~ a sense of buying someone's love. They live in a world of greed ~ confused with learning life lessons.
I am a firm believer that we all at one point or another try to make up for children's short comings in their life that we loose reality in that is plays no benefits in their lives just creats monsters of wanting objects versus love.
I know I did this after my husband passed away ~ I felt their pain n would do anything to heal their broken hearts. I m not saying I was right but little things here n there. But as children ~ keeping up with the joness is a fact of life. The cool clothes ~ the ugg boots everyone has in 3 different colors. The iPhone. Objects don't love ~ people love.
I can't give you more than what I have ~ my life is more of a want vs a need. It sucks but that's my life. My SD got more because she was the one n only. Mommy vs Daddy. Who could top who.
The loyalty lays with who is gonna give me what I want. Oh daddy you didn't get me my Flat screen tv n Mac computer ~ mommy will. Daddy you waste all your money on "her" for kids. You have got to be kiddin me.
My 20yo daughter goes to college full time n works full time ~ n tries to have a social life. Has paid for her own car/car insurance n pays for her cell phone bill.
Your daughter ~ lives w her bf's parents ( cause mommys love life was way more important m she move n left her) she quit her job ~ apparently being a hostess is stressful. Couldn't handle community college so she bailed but smoking pot is cool. You want me to feel sorry for you ~ ummmm not gonna happen sweetie pie.
Just ~ he isn't gonna get
Just ~ he isn't gonna get over it. I don't think he sees it when he's in it.
I don't have the funds to take care of anything she wants or needs. Your ass walked out n I don't have any feelings for her other than she is his daughter.
I told him one time ~ she fell off of BMs apple tree ~ hate to say it you but she's her mothers daughter. His response ~ you don't think I know that. ...... It's his daughter ~ his only daughter I hear this all the time my response ~~ and ??
That doesn't justify her bad behavior at all ~ in fact it makes it worse. That you couldn't/didn't tame your shrew !!!