13 yr old with homework issues
Hello! New to the site....
Stepson lives primarily with husband and I.
SS refuses to do his homework. We have tried rewards for good report cards, summer trips for good school years, and lost privledges for missing homework/bad grades. He won't bring any homework home and lets the assignments stay missing. Last year we went to school daily to get daily assignments and missing work. This year teachers don't want to see us doing this, and we don't want to have to continue doing so either as we feel it enables him to continue this poor behavior.
Bio mother constantly puts blame on dad for kid's behavior. She doesn't ground him/take away priveledges while he is at her house. Co-parenting is not the slightest bit possible at this point.
What can we do? How do we work around the unconsistency of punishments? Any ideas on how to get him to do homework and bring it home without physically doing it for him?
Does he have a cell phone? I
Does he have a cell phone? I know SD11 just lost texting privileges and seems to think she is going to die. It is getting the message across loud and clear.
My son is 11. He brought me
My son is 11. He brought me home a D in gym on his last report card. A conference with his PE coach confirmed that he diddled around and refused to participate. He's grounded from everything except eating, breathing, reading, and using the bathroom until the progress reports come out. Believe me, take away everything BUT homework, and it WILL get done. Kids have far fewer rights and way more privelages than they think, and you can sure take the vast majority of things they enjoy out of their life.
Goodbye NJ - you sound like
Goodbye NJ - you sound like me. My DD get one D in middle school & I went in for a talk with all her teachers & the principle about it. She never got another D. I did not stand for it & I was divorced and felt school grades were important.
This sounds like a really
This sounds like a really good idea. I will definately bring it up to dh. My ss loves his video games, not to mention tv time especially watching shows of his choosing (within reason). We could do this with one for writing the stuff down and do the other if he brings it home (both finished and not finished so we can see the homework that he actually does, make sure that its all written in the agenda, and gets finished) Its worth a try right.
Thanks for the comments. We
Thanks for the comments. We have talked with teachers/counselors. He has to see the counselor daily who checks his homework before and after school to make sure it is all done. I guess he just isn't writing it all down in his agenda so the counselor doesn't know that there is more then what it says there is. And yes he does feel its embarassing for us to be there, he hates it but does nothing to change it.
We've even tried taking everything out of his room besides clothes/bed/lights/books. He just doesn't care.
No cell phone... although he has it at his mom's and it does seem to be the only thing he cares about there. But she won't take the priveledge away from him.
This year we've even not allowed sports signup until he can show he can take care of the responsibilties that he already has (homework/school work/cleaning his room/making bed/putting clothes away).
A parent teacher conference with BM is asking for disaster. BM and dad do not get along. BM always tries to make herself LOOK good to others. She will say anything, even flat out lie. And if teachers suggest to her that she punish child she won't do it. She only ever does what she wants to... lots of control issues. Not really part of the reasons - but if she is at the meeting with dad I won't be able to be included (she hates me for whatever reason). Last conference that they did together was years ago, but at that time she wouldn't let dad get a word in and took all the paperwork that the teachers gave out before dad even got a chance to see them.... and has yet to see them.