13 yr old stepdaughter says she is BI
Hi...
Just wanted to get any parent's opinions.... My 13 yr old step daughter recently told us she is bisexual. I personally think this is a "growing period", but regardless... any tips on how to handle? We've already told her we accept her for who she is; haven't really made a big deal about things. The biggest concern right now is when the topic of sleepovers comes up. We know she is in a relationship with a girl right now. How do we determine if she can go to a sleepover or not? I know all she has "done" right now is makeout and kiss... but the way I see it, this girl she is involved with is no different if it were a boyfriend, in which case we would not be allowing her to have a sleepover with. True, she can't get pregnant (not that she is even ready for sex yet), but I don't feel ready to allow her to sleep over someone's house that she is sexually attracted to or in a relationship with. STD's still happen no matter what the gender.
I am heterosexual and have no experience whatsoever with this topic.
She also has other family members that are hardcore Christians (or claim to be) who are giving her a really hard time for even having FRIENDS who are bi. She hasn't had the nerve to tell them SHE is bi herself. This is very troubling for her, since they tell her God hates bisexuals. We do not practice religion in our home, but encourage her to believe in what she wants to believe in, as long as it is safe. I just hate the way they are treating her now and don't want it getting in her head.
Sorry this is so long! Any advice is much appreciated 
My daughter is a lesbian. I
My daughter is a lesbian. I knew it since she was 5 years old actually. It took her until her senior year in high school to admit it to herself. It is a hard situation to be in. I'm glad you and your husband are supportive of her no matter if this is a phase or not. My daughter tried to commit suicide once and it was incredibly scary. She still really doesn't know how she fits in and she is 22. Its a learning process for us all.
however, it sounds to me as though this may just be the "in" thing for your SD at this time. For some reason alot of the teens think it is cool to be "bi". they wind up growing out of it.
I would let her stay with her friends like any other teenaged girl unless, as you said, you know that this is someone that she is either "dating" or attracted to. Then I would do the same thing I would do if it were a boy. Say No.
It is very important to keep the lines of communication open. Discuss your fears about letting her sleep over a friends house with her. Try to trust what she is telling you. Eventually she will be more open and feel comfortable discussing these instances with you.
You seem to be on the right
You seem to be on the right track by supporting her with whomever she chooses to date. I would definatly go over STD's with her, like you said you can get them from either gender. I agree with you on not letting her sleepover at the girl's house that she is in a relationship with. If you did it would almost like having a double standard. You said yourself that if the girlfriend was a boyfriend the sleepover wouldnt happen.
I think God just hates dumbass people using him as a crutch to hate others.
you might also want to check out these websites
http://ilga.org/ <---INTERNATIONAL LESBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, TRANS AND INTERSEX ASSOCIATION
http://www.glaad.org/ <---Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation
http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid=-2 <---Parents, Families, and Friends of Gays & Lesbians
I AM A GAY PARENT. IF IT WERE
I AM A GAY PARENT. IF IT WERE MY DAUGHTER, I WOULD NOT ALLOW HER TO HAVE SLEEP OVERS WITH ANYONE SHE IS DATING
I wouldnt let her have a
I wouldnt let her have a sleepover with anyone at this point. I have a 13 year old dd-I dont let her have sleepovers with boys-whether she is "attracted" to them or not. The potential is there so there's no way. Since you dd has labeled herself "bi" the potential for sexual activity is there whether she has a sleepover with a guy or a girl.
That being said-this has been sort of a trend with lots of young girls identifying themselves as bi. Whatever. I have no strong opinions pro or con-although I've always felt it was sort of insulting to kids who are truly gay and not just going thru a phase or trying to look cool.
Agree with u 100 percent. If
Agree with u 100 percent. If any of my kids try to bring up anyone's sexuality-I always tell them I dont know I dont ask nor do I care who they sleep with and you shouldnt either.
I dont think a 13 year needs to be declaring her sexual preferences to extended family members at this point. If she wants to share with her mom some feelings she may be having that's fine-but I dont think she needs to tell old Aunt Ida that she kinda digs girls too.
Thank you for your opinions!
Thank you for your opinions! I had the same thoughts about her making these announcements to her family--although really it came about a posting she made on Facebook that spread like wildfire... it was more of her questioning why so many people were hating on gays/bi-sexuals... which I respect her for questioning. I was taught that both toddlers and teenagers test boundaries. With teenagers, they specifically test acceptance. So I think this is her way of figuring out which of her friends and family will accept her for "who she is".
We had the conversation with her about when it's appropriate to talk about sex/politics/religion and how it can offend many people, especially as she grows up into an adult.
My gut instincts tell me that this is just a phase...