Good point. I don't want to be ganged up on, and I don't want to do the same to DH, either. I need to try to zip my lip and keep the answers short. It will be nice to have my male therapist meet DH. The therapist has already said that DH and I need to connect again, get back to where we used to be. It's difficult when there is zero privacy from SD13 always being around. Yeah, privacy and cray cray SD19 are my main issues.

But I will try to keep my comments to a minimum! LOL For now........

~ Moon

So therapy was this afternoon. I shed a few tears, DH even welled up a little when speaking of the SDs having no one but him anymore since BM died. I get that. He's the only surviving parent. What I didn't expect was DH comparing me to BM's batshit crazy mother, GBM. That came out of left field. He compared me to her saying I have no maternal instincts because I don't have any bios, he said I am cold and he wants me to love them.....it went on. It was a calm, happy conversation, but those words hurt.

In my defense, I told him I agreed how he and the SDs viewed me that way. I told him I hide out in my room and DON'T INTERACT with the SDs anymore because I get no respect. I told him I don't dare ask ANYTHING of SD19 because she can't handle being asked to do anything. DH chimed back that HE has been asking her to do things around the house before she goes out, and she does them. My therapist said that DH needed to share those things with me. Now that I think of it, DH has asked TWO things of SD19 in the past week, and she's been here since May 20th. #1) DH asked SD19 to vacuum her old room last weekend after I told him to go spray it and have her clean it. She has clothes everywhere in there and it stinks. It's not even her bedroom anymore, as we've moved her to the basement in order to keep a buffer between she and I. She's too fucking noisy. #2) When I found trash in the sink in the basement, left by SD19 last weekend, I showed it to DH. At the same time I pointed out the toilet to DH with a ring in it and shit on the seat. So, DH had SD19 clean the basement toilet a few days ago.

Way to go, DH!! The TWO things you asked of your 19yo were because I pointed them out, otherwise she never would have done jack. She is going out to parties all of the time where theres drinking, and DH says that she's not drinking. I commented to SD19 that 19yo boys shouldn't be buying beer, but she said they are older frat guys who are 21+. So I guess that makes her cool. All it's going to take is a few more beers because she has alcoholism running on both sides of the family tree. And she has no fucking willpower or self-control. DH says SD19 won't drink because he saw what it did to her BM. Keep pulling the wool over your eyes, DH. All I hear are stories of SD19 bragging about how she likes this guy and that guy and the other guy, since she and her BoyF split a month ago. I fear she is starting to HO herself out some, being a tease to these "older" guys. I know it's normal teenage stuff, but for DH to think his DD is an angel is ridiculous. Because that's what he thinks.

I reminded DH that I have pulled back and isolated myself from the SDs because of the respect issue. He told me I needed to work on how I say things to the SDs. I told him that when SD19 talks down to me in my home, that YES, the original subject matter will be forgotten and instead, I will be concentrating on the attitude I get from SD19. My therapist encouraged me to read a book he recommended about how to talk to teenagers. Um, no interest. I am thoroughly annoyed by both of his girls, although I did make an effort to be pleasant tonight. We all ate dinner together.

Now DH is watching the Sponge Bob Movie with his 19 and 13 yo DDs.

This therapy shit might take awhile. FML.

~ Moon

Now, in hindsight, there was still an elephant in the room today. DH rubbed my arm and showed me some affection, which the therapist pointed out. I explained to DH that I'm the one home with the skids the most and I used to try to parent them. I told DH that I had stepped back in hopes of everyone else stepping up and being more responsible. The therapist suggested just a few little chores per week for everyone, I suggested bowling, lol. I also said there were never any consequences for SD19's snotty behavior. My therapist understood that I want everyone to do their part around the house, because my brain is ready to explode. DH basically sounds like he just wants more help with the skids. I explained that I can't give more while I'm trying to protect myself at the same time. It's gone too far. I think DH expects me to step up now and do right by his kids instead of being disengaged. I told DH and the therapist that I have no interest in speaking with a 13yo at the end of my day and keeping her entertained. I have things that I need to do for myself so I can decompress and prepare for the next day. I don't see how this will change. I'm afraid to give even a little at this point. I'm just too annoyed. The therapist said that DH and I need to connect first, then we can work on thriving as a family with the skids involved.

~ Moon

Oh no, he didn't compare me to a dead BM. He went one further and compared me to dead BM's MOTHER, the grandmother of these SDs!! The batshit crazy one that is taking them to the beach for a week! He said that she is cold and unfeeling and that is what I'm like! I told DH again that it was a coping mechanism at this point, that I'm distancing myself (read "disengaging") and I can see how it appears that way. I told him I have no other safe place in which to take myself except for "away." He called me a "roommate" and I nodded in agreement, asked him when he was going to try harder to parent? Suggested he get a job closer to home. Nope, he can't do that. Blah blah blah....He also told the therapist that SD19 is going back to school early to do a summer session and get out of the house. Why? Because she doesn't want to be here. I stuck up for myself on that one and said it all went back to that damn hedgehog, that SD19 can't take "No," for an answer. DH admitted that was his fault, and I told him that was the straw that broke the camel's back for me with a disrespectful 19yo. He needs to quit letting her have her way and being in charge. DH also wanted me to apologize to SD13 for getting mad the day she missed the bus. I told him I WAS mad because his kid was irresponsible. I reminded him that I was out the door and on my way to get her, and that she texted him in a horribly disrespectful manner as well. I wanted her to learn from her mistake and grow up, before HS bites her in the ass. But no, let's go watch Sponge Bob, FFS.

I just don't like SD19. When she's in a good mood she brags to me about school and sorority life and I just want to vomit :sick: .
I asked DH if she had fessed up to getting a D in Biology. Nope. I said she's taken it enough times, including AP in HS, so she should be doing better. He defended her (read "enabled") by saying it's a hard subject. Yes, but after the third and fourth time? With only four classes a semester? I see SD19 spiraling down the drain this fall at school, because of distractions, immaturity and a heavier course load. I'm glad DH has it all figured out. He DID say I was his best friend and although the talk was productive, there are still a lot of issues. He even said I should stop getting onto this website! I laughed and said Hell NO, it's the only place I have to go, and it helps me to feel NOT alone, because other step parents are dealing with the same things I am.

It will be interesting to see what my therapist says on Tuesday when I see him alone next.

~ Moon

I agree too. He just doesn't see things the way I do! Ugh. :?

Yep, still looking for the perfect rental that I can take my dogs to.......sigh. Saving my money as best as I can.