how to handle $ at moms house and $ at dads house
I would really like to know how everyone handles money that step kids receive between mom and dads house. We deal with an extremely high conflict ex that literally brainwashes the kids to no end. This is an ongoing issue in our house. I have 3 step children sd18, ss14, sd9, 0 Bio. Obviously the oldest is 18 and can do what she wants, but the younger 2 we are having this issue with. My step son just recently had a bday and a confirmation. We had a party for him for my husbands side of the family and the Ex had a separate party for her side of the family. SS received about $350 in cash from my husbands family. The ex has now talked SS into basically taking all of his money that he received from my husbands family that he got for our house- and wants him to bring all the money to her house so that he can have an playstation 4 at her house. I am about to throw a fit over it. Because we took the time and money to have a nice get together for him in return he got a fairly large chunk of money- which we were hoping he would use that to buy something for him to do at our house either a playstation 4 or he originally had asked for money so that he could upgrade his dirtbike until his mother talked him into this. My husband just tries to go around the situation with SS because he doesn't like confrontation. My thoughts are we have a say in what that money goes to for him that he gets at our house until he turns 18. If he wants to buys a playstation for our hosue- great- I am fine with that. But of course if we say that he cant take the money to his moms we look like the bad guys and she just drills that into his head over and over and over every single day. what would you do?? looking for thoughts and suggestions.....
Nope, no money goes between the homes except CS.
IMHO of course.
And CS was handled through the state CSE office until we invoked direct payroll withholding. Which made them all kinds of cranky.
At least that is how we did it.
When SS was traveling to SpermLand for visitation we would give him travel money. Invariably that money would get scalped by the SpermClan for everything from filling their gas tanks to paying for their family lunch outings. So... we quit giving the Skid travel money. Their job was to support him when the was with them just as it was out job to do so when he was with us.
Eventually we opened a joint account for my DW and the Skid and he got a debit card. We would transfer money into that account while he was traveling. When he landed in SpermLand he would text his mom and she would transfer the money out of that account. It took them a few experience points to learn to not try to scam money out of hte Skid. They filled up their tank and tried to get him to pay for it with his debit card and also tried to get him to pay for the entire clan to go to lunch or dinner on his debit card. The card had no money so they had to call extended SpermClan members to scrape together and bring them money on a few occassions. They finally learned that the Skid's money was for his use only and not theirs. We kept his money in our accounts until he was actually travelling. That kept their grubby fingers out of his/our money. They can't guilt him out of money he has no access to.
I believe that the money SS received from the event your side of the blended family held for him should be used for his life with you and his dad. BM can fill in the gap from the event money from her side if she wants him to have a PS-4 at her home.
I personally think that this
I personally think that this is a "natural consequences" scenario. It's his gift and his money that he should be able to do with what he wants. However, if he decides to buy a PS4 for BM's house, that doesn't mean Dad runs out to buy stuff to fix up his dirt bike at his.
I think your DH can have this conversation with him:
"SS, it's your money to do with as you see fit. However, know that if you spend it all to buy something at your Mom's house that it doesn't mean I am going to buy you anything extra for this house. You are old enough now to make these decisions with your money, so make sure you do what makes you happiest."
Then make sure you stick to your guns.
Alternatively, if SS wants a PS4, your DH could talk to him about buying a carrying case so he can take the system back and forth between houses, similar to a laptop or cell phone. My SSs do that with their XBox One and Switches. So far nothing has broke. Plus, this approach takes ALL the wind out of BM's sails by giving her EXACTLY what she told SS she wanted AND giving him the permission to lay claim to his own belongings that he bought with his own money.