Not us yet either. The kid is going great and interestingly has developed a pronounced sense of gratitude for gifts now that he has launched and is a self supporting young adult. As a young Airman in the USAF for the last 3 years he supports himself well but not well enough to duplicate the lifestyle he had under our two professional income roof when he was our dependent. }:)

So when mom and dad find something that we want to get for him he is extremely grateful and appreciative. We gave him a new car as a combo HS graduation, 18th b-day, Christmas, Enlistment gift. About a year after we gave him the car and after he finished tech school and moved to his permanent duty stations we started getting regular comments from him thanking us for the car, how much he enjoys it, and …. How appreciative he is not to have a car payment. Many of his young Airman buddies have gone out and bought new cars far more expensive than their Jr. enlisted salaries can afford and he sees his friends buried in debt, suffering with repossessions, never having money to do things, etc….

We do not send him money. He never asks and he is actually saving a reasonable % of his salary. But we do tend to give him nice gifts for his b-day and Christmas. He recently moved into his first apartment after he was notified that on base dorm space was needed for new trainees. We gave him a gift certificate for new furniture for his apartment as a home warming gift. He just about fell all over himself with gratitude since he had been shopping for furniture and had come to the realization that his furniture shopping would be at GoodWill.

We do not give him things expecting gratitude. We give him things that we want him to have and we enjoy giving he and our other family members nice gifts. That he recognizes and appreciates the gesture is just a bonus for us.

Gotta love it when kids gain clarity. Hopefully your SD-19 does soon.

Take care of yourself.

My husband always buys or spends same amount on the skids even the grown ones. We get slack every yr from bm you didn't spend enough or you shld send the money. My favorite them calling us up telling us what to buy. Now my bk we don't go overboard anymore, ages being 8,16,18 they have so many presents from family I just don't see the need to over indulge.

Now on a different note my bs18 has always had difficult time w/his bd and Christmas holidays since his bd has remarried and had 2 more kids it's kinda went haywire even since his dads been with current sm. most is stemmed from his bd dad never seeing him calling him and he's shows for there Christmas at urging of his grandparents and his bd only buys one gift most have been almost like it's been a re-gifting situation or like oh I forgot you would be here. My son feels very unloved and every Christmas he pretty much comes home crying and upset. I try to remain as neutral as possible and I get the whole being a sm or step parent now but my son has never done anything to his dad or sm but I feel like the sm has severed his relationship w/his bd mainly over money.

Sometimes I feel like there's never a winning situation when it comes to equal amounts spent somehow in my household or the ex's it's always somehow kids have gotten jilted.

Sorry dbl post

First three gift giving occasions with SDthen13 her behavior ranged from awful to hideous. After the third one, which was Christmas, I told DH "no more."

So I no longer participate in gift giving for her, she's 15 now, in any way.

Some weeks after that first Christmas, I lost my mind at dinner one night from her bad behavior and I stormed out of the house just to get the hell out of Dodge. On the way out, I told DH it made me sick to see the Christmas presents she had rejected in the closet, him hoping that one day soon she might want them. He said, "take them to Goodwill, it will be cathartic for you." And believe me I did!

For Father's Day and Dad's bday I always make it possible for her to do something (at my expense) but more often than not she says, "I'm not a thoughtful person" or something like that and declines to participate.

So, of course, if you ask me no guilt need apply when it comes to bowing out of gifts for ill-behaving skids.

SD19 and SD13 have summer birthdays. This past summer was the first time I didn't buy anything for them. I won't buy them anything for Christmas, either. I don't give a shit anymore. SD19 has treated me like shit, and DH too, for years. Now SD13 is starting up.

I don't buy SD anything. Last year, I made a great suggestion to DH as to what I thought would be a perfect Christmas gift for SD. He blew it off. DH will no doubt get her something electronic again, to keep her out of his hair.
I buy for my kids, and DH buys for his.

i believe that all my fiance is giving his kid is a $100 gift card that he already had to itunes.

we got her a $10 item to open during family christmas.

that's it.

We decided last year to not get SD23 anything, just buy for her kids. But I broke down and bought her a couple of things, not anywhere near what we have spent on her in the past.

She came over last January to get all of the gifts and left hers at our house. It's still here.

I will get another small something to add to it and give it to her again this year.

I wish...but DH is already taking SheSloth's wish list. It sickens me for her to get anything for Christmas, especially after the yearbook incident! He will make sure she gets stuff, though she deserves nothing but coal for the way she has acted all this year! I'm standing my ground that she gets nothing big...NO electronics for certain! Should just get her makeup and clothes, since I'm sure she will "need" these things soon anyway!

I would dearly love to give SD a picture for Xmas. A picture of SO and myself so she can let it sink into her head once and for all that we are together and always will be. However - I won't do that.

SD will get a card - nothing else. Of course, she'll expect an extravagant gift, or heaps of money - so she'll be sorely disappointed. We've also learnt that she is expectant, entitled and loves boasting to everyone how her daddee spoils her - well, she won't have a chance to do that any more!! She also gets heaps and heaps of gifts from her Mom's side of the family, as well as SO's Mom, who also spoils her rotten.

SS will definitely get a gift. That kid is awesome. Loving, kind, generous and gets along with everyone. Most importantly - he APPRECIATES his gifts - shows his gratitude and takes very, very good care of it.

Noooo way, I don't buy gifts for skids whatsoever. I think DH still sends a check for Christmas and birthdays, but the last time I looked at his account they had gotten very teeny.