I can't do it anymore - Marriage on the line
My STD is a decent kid. She gets good grades and for the most part stays out of trouble. She doesn't talk bad to my face but does behind my back. When she gets in trouble (phone take away) its my fault.
I recently went down to talk to her and told her I am at a loss. I told her I have done everything I can to make this family "normal". I go to her sporting events, I support her in every way I can. I treat her like my own kid. She has talked bad about me to her friends and it has gotten back to me. When I addressed her with it she just sat there. She will snub me in public and when I addressed that she just sat there. She is all fun and dandy until I think she should be disciplined. Her dad ALWAYS has an excuse for why she didn't do as she was told.
Has anyone just ever stepped out and stopped parenting and was just a "friend" to their SC? She recently decided she wanted to stop giving me the silent treatment but honestly, I am A OK with her not talking to me. Her father says...well she is trying now. Well tough, she never said sorry for all the hurtful things she says so when she is ready to start talking I'm supposed to jump up and down? Sorry, not going to happen.
And her father has full custody of her so we have her all the time
Trytobesupermom...we should
Trytobesupermom...we should be able to connect. I'm struggling with that BIG TIME. He doesn't discipline and she walks all over him. Its a joke. My counselor tells me to sit back and watch it fall apart.
I hate going home because she is there. I don't know if I can do it. My husband wants everything to run smoothly but he only wants me to "parent" or have a say once in awhile. He thinks I am too strict. I laugh because I said, she was asked to clean her room twice and she hasn't done it yet. He said well she did a little bit. She did straighten her dresser. Oh dear lord!!!
I could have written that one
I could have written that one myself, I'm in exactly the same position. SD almost 17. I don't want to go home anymore, but at least she's not leaving her bedroom but then she blames all of us for not changing. I wish I knew what she meant because she won't actually explain what she means. And anyway, I'm not changing a hair on my head for an grateful girl who is nearly an adult. I wish she could go back and live with her whackjob mother. Cruel? Maybe, but after 4 years, I've reached my limit.
Ditto here. Do you get angry
Ditto here. Do you get angry at the father or get turned off by his lack of disciplining her?
Treat her like the POS your
Treat her like the POS your DH is allowing her to be. Ignore the whore.
You are in luck! Someone
You are in luck! Someone just posted this link in ref. to a different topic with excellent advice on not only disengaging and how it works, but also why DHs expect you to parent their children. Here is that link: http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.shtml
Disengage!! Do NOTHING for
Disengage!! Do NOTHING for her - nada - zip - jack diddly shit!! No cooking, laundry, buying her anything. Let her Daddeee take care of it all.
I have a 19 year old SS and
I have a 19 year old SS and my DH has hardly ever taken responsibility to be a parent. DH has always said he appreciates my help with making and enforcing rules and expectations; however there have been many times that I have felt no support from DH and questioned why I am stepping up when this isn't my 'job'. BUT my reason for stepping up and having a voice was for my personal needs. My worry has always been that if the SS had no one to push him in school, he would get horrible grades, have no ambition in life to get a job or education for a job and live with us forever. Even though everyone says 'disengage' the result of doing so could have a negative impact on step-parent and the marriage relationship. I have a lot of resentment built up with having to always being the 'bad guy' but if I didn't have a voice, my DH would have always let the SS and the SS's BM manipulate visitation, holiday plans, etc, all which have an impact on myself. I think when you are a step parent, you are stuck between a ROCK and a HARD PLACE