Hi everybody. It's great to see a forum like this where SP's can chat and get advice from each other. I've heard so many good things about this forum.
DH and I married when our daughters were 11 and 10. SD is the oldest, DD is the middle and then we have a DS together, who is now 11 months old. When we met, DH and BM had been divorced for 7 years. BM and DH don't have a great relationship, but there's no drama because they don't communicate with each other unless they absolutely have to.
We had some problems in the beginning with DD. She didn't like the fact I wanted to get married because she was used to me being single. But after a good talk to her about it all and letting her know that she didn't have to call DF dad (some of the kids in school told her she would have to and also told her horror stories about stepparents) she got a lot better and she and DH have a pretty decent relationship now. I'd love it if they were closer. But she's polite and doesn't disrespect him.
SD wasn't a problem, at least that's what we thought. She always seemed to like having DD and me around. Was helpful and always said she wanted siblings. When we found out we were expecting DS, she was so happy. She started talking about names, picking out stuff she liked for the baby and even asked me if she could visit the hospital when I gave birth. If anything, DD was the one who struggled with the new baby. But then, when I was 7 months along, everything seemed to change overnight. She got to our house on Thursday (we get her Thursday through Sunday) and was here for a few hours before sleeping over at a friends house. Everything was great when she was here. Then when she got back Friday after school, she was angry and saying how she didn't want a brother. Even told me to get an abortion! I told her that wasn't going to happen and I demanded an apology. She refused and actually wrote a note to me saying she wanted me to have an abortion and she'd hate the baby if I didn't get one. DH was confused when he got home, too.
Now we have a teenager here 4 days who bullies DD, glares at BS and tries to make him cry/scare him (I actually leave during the day with both my kids when she's here). She curses, spits her food on the floor, makes up stories about us. Tried to turn DH's family against us, but then I showed them the note and they realized she was lying. She also threatened to drop the baby when he was a couple of weeks old when DH had her hold him for a photo (he never got the photo after). DD told me she was always bitchy and didn't like me or the fact her dad married me. But she kept it hidden from adults. She knew as did some of the kids in her school.
I'm getting to the point where I want to leave with DD and DS. But then the thought of him having DS while she's here, alone, without me to protect him, scares me. DH can be a good dad. But he refuses to get too tough on her. He takes away her phone and grounds her overnight. But he never stops her when she makes fun of my DD for being bi. When I say something, he'll agree with me, but won't say anything else. I've told him he HAS TO do something ANYTHING because DS will be affected as will my DD. DD tells me she doesn't care about being called names. But one day SD could say something else and it could really hurt her. She's not home as much when SD is here. She'll stay at friends houses or even my moms house. Or we'll go out with DS. I'm at the point where I'd love to lock her out of the house. I really, really would. And I've even considered locking DH out, as well. }:)
I agree. I've told him he needs to do more. I think deep down he probably knows it, too. But he doesn't. At times I wonder why I had that talk with my daughter if he doesn't have a problem with badly behaved children. Maybe we should let DS act the same way, never correcting him or doing halfassed attempts and he might change the way he treats her.
He would never, ever agree to that. I know that for a fact. So leaving would be my only option. I need to make sure me leaving wouldn't put DS in more danger before I act.
I agree. My kids are #1. The don't need to deal with this on a daily basis.
This is one of the main reasons I haven't had my own bio kids well. The skids are jealous of each other regarding daddy's attention, let alone a new sibling! Sounds like major jealousy going on, plus you can bet she's being told lies by a jealous BM like "he'll love the new baby, a son more, there will be less time and money for you, etc."
Don't put it past a jilted, jealous BM. Those bitches be crazy!
It could be. But she was fine when she got to our house and she didn't see BM in between. So I don't think it's her, but it could have been.
Honestly, if I had known what was coming, I wouldn't have had DS. He doesn't deserve to be brought into this whole mess. But we both thought everything was good when we decided to have him.
^^^^^^^^^ Totally Agree! ^^^^^^^^
Holy Crap! And I thought I had it bad! :jawdrop:
There must be something about girls when they turn 14 they become spawn of satan. SMH
Oh I hear you! My SO has full and total custody of my Spawn of Satan (aka: SD14). BM isn't really in her life. But worse than that, she has NO friends to hang with or do normal 14yr old girl stuff with, so she not only lives with us, she's quite literally ALWAYS around. Sometimes when my SO and I are in our bed at night watching TV, she comes in our room and plops down on the foot of the bed looking at her iPad. She has no boundaries.
Hi everybody. It's great to
Hi everybody. It's great to see a forum like this where SP's can chat and get advice from each other. I've heard so many good things about this forum.
DH and I married when our daughters were 11 and 10. SD is the oldest, DD is the middle and then we have a DS together, who is now 11 months old. When we met, DH and BM had been divorced for 7 years. BM and DH don't have a great relationship, but there's no drama because they don't communicate with each other unless they absolutely have to.
We had some problems in the beginning with DD. She didn't like the fact I wanted to get married because she was used to me being single. But after a good talk to her about it all and letting her know that she didn't have to call DF dad (some of the kids in school told her she would have to and also told her horror stories about stepparents) she got a lot better and she and DH have a pretty decent relationship now. I'd love it if they were closer. But she's polite and doesn't disrespect him.
SD wasn't a problem, at least that's what we thought. She always seemed to like having DD and me around. Was helpful and always said she wanted siblings. When we found out we were expecting DS, she was so happy. She started talking about names, picking out stuff she liked for the baby and even asked me if she could visit the hospital when I gave birth. If anything, DD was the one who struggled with the new baby. But then, when I was 7 months along, everything seemed to change overnight. She got to our house on Thursday (we get her Thursday through Sunday) and was here for a few hours before sleeping over at a friends house. Everything was great when she was here. Then when she got back Friday after school, she was angry and saying how she didn't want a brother. Even told me to get an abortion! I told her that wasn't going to happen and I demanded an apology. She refused and actually wrote a note to me saying she wanted me to have an abortion and she'd hate the baby if I didn't get one. DH was confused when he got home, too.
Now we have a teenager here 4 days who bullies DD, glares at BS and tries to make him cry/scare him (I actually leave during the day with both my kids when she's here). She curses, spits her food on the floor, makes up stories about us. Tried to turn DH's family against us, but then I showed them the note and they realized she was lying. She also threatened to drop the baby when he was a couple of weeks old when DH had her hold him for a photo (he never got the photo after). DD told me she was always bitchy and didn't like me or the fact her dad married me. But she kept it hidden from adults. She knew as did some of the kids in her school.
I'm getting to the point where I want to leave with DD and DS. But then the thought of him having DS while she's here, alone, without me to protect him, scares me. DH can be a good dad. But he refuses to get too tough on her. He takes away her phone and grounds her overnight. But he never stops her when she makes fun of my DD for being bi. When I say something, he'll agree with me, but won't say anything else. I've told him he HAS TO do something ANYTHING because DS will be affected as will my DD. DD tells me she doesn't care about being called names. But one day SD could say something else and it could really hurt her. She's not home as much when SD is here. She'll stay at friends houses or even my moms house. Or we'll go out with DS. I'm at the point where I'd love to lock her out of the house. I really, really would. And I've even considered locking DH out, as well. }:)
Thank you Step.tococis! I
Thank you Step.tococis!
I agree. I've told him he needs to do more. I think deep down he probably knows it, too. But he doesn't. At times I wonder why I had that talk with my daughter if he doesn't have a problem with badly behaved children. Maybe we should let DS act the same way, never correcting him or doing halfassed attempts and he might change the way he treats her.
He would never, ever agree to that. I know that for a fact. So leaving would be my only option. I need to make sure me leaving wouldn't put DS in more danger before I act.
I agree. My kids are #1. The don't need to deal with this on a daily basis.
This is one of the main
This is one of the main reasons I haven't had my own bio kids well. The skids are jealous of each other regarding daddy's attention, let alone a new sibling! Sounds like major jealousy going on, plus you can bet she's being told lies by a jealous BM like "he'll love the new baby, a son more, there will be less time and money for you, etc."
Don't put it past a jilted, jealous BM. Those bitches be crazy!
It could be. But she was fine
It could be. But she was fine when she got to our house and she didn't see BM in between. So I don't think it's her, but it could have been.
Honestly, if I had known what was coming, I wouldn't have had DS. He doesn't deserve to be brought into this whole mess. But we both thought everything was good when we decided to have him.
^^^^^^^^^ Totally Agree!
^^^^^^^^^ Totally Agree! ^^^^^^^^
Holy Crap! And I thought I had it bad! :jawdrop:
There must be something about girls when they turn 14 they become spawn of satan. SMH
Yeah, it's hard when she's
Yeah, it's hard when she's here. There are times I wish we didn't live together.
Perfect way to describe her!
Oh I hear you! My SO has full
Oh I hear you! My SO has full and total custody of my Spawn of Satan (aka: SD14). BM isn't really in her life. But worse than that, she has NO friends to hang with or do normal 14yr old girl stuff with, so she not only lives with us, she's quite literally ALWAYS around. Sometimes when my SO and I are in our bed at night watching TV, she comes in our room and plops down on the foot of the bed looking at her iPad. She has no boundaries.
It's sooooo good to know I'm
It's sooooo good to know I'm not alone in this.
I guess there are plus sides so. Like she isn't here all the time and she does have friends.