Hi! I am new to this forum and I really felt like I could use some support. Over the past few weeks, our lives have really changed. I married DH 5 years ago and have been in his and his children's lives for 8. I have a SD (age 14) and SS (age 16). My SD has always had issued with her BM and her stepdad and recently things have begun to spiral out of control. She was caught having guys over (some over 18) until past midnight while her BM was working and her stepdad was on a business trip. Needless to say, she was in a lot of trouble. After getting lectured by her stepdad and BM, she flipped out. SD proceeded to cut her arm many times with scissors and told her mom she was going to kill herself. After their trip to the hospital, SD came to stay with us while things cooled down. I've been taking her to a partial hospitalization self-injury program everyday since the incident. After a week with us, the guys paid a visit to her BM with a baseball bat demanding SD come out, have put fircrackers under BM and stepdads cars, and thrown rocks at what used to be SDs window. The four of us decided it would be better and safer for SD if she gave us custody.

I love having SD in my life. We've always had a very close relationship and she counts on me as the person she can talk to. She knows I will always listen and have her best interest at heart. However, her living with us for the past 4 weeks has really opened our eyes to some things. She is not the fun spirited, sweet girl we knew on the weekends and her months with us during the summer. She has been on a tight leash since the incident (no facebook, no AIM, minimal phone calls because we do not want these "boys" finding her and we do not trust her atm). I understand that she is going through a difficult time and I feel for her because she will be attending a new school for her 8th grade year, doesn't know anyone here yet and is now living seperate from her brothers.

We decided to let her go to a skating party because I was worried about her feeling isolated, but we put boundries on it saying that she could only stay for an hour and a half and I was going to be there. After leaving the party, she wouldn't speak to me and completely blocked me out with her headphones. She has major issues with the word "no" and even "yes, but.." (she feels if its not exactly her way, it might as well be "no"). We've also realized that she has little to no values. She is dishonest, disrespectful, very sneaky, irresponsible and pessimistic. Not to say that she doesn't have good attributes, it's just that her negative ones have really been showing their colors lately. We realize this is going to be an adjustment for her since DH and I are very much on the same page and work as a united front. Her BM would unground her when her stepdad went to work or went on business trips, so she's never really learned that "no means no" and that there are consequences for her actions. Since the skating incident, I've decided that if that is how she is going to treat me when I'm trying to do something nice for her, I absolutely will not put any effort into her seeing her old classmates. I understand that friends are very important at this age, but I refuse to be treated disrespectfully when I was the one that thought it would be good for her to see some familiar faces amongst all of this change and I was the one that drove the an hour and a half to her old neighborhood for her to do so.

It's going to be a very difficult and trying time because she is 14. I feel that this late in the game, instilling morals and values is going to be like hitting a brick wall. We will certainly NOT give up on her though. I just want her to be the best and happiest person she can be, but she really sabotages everything for herself with her actions and attitude. I guess I just needed to get this out. My heart has been very heavy over the last few weeks. Maybe finding an outlet like this will help with my feelings on the situation and prevent her mood swings from dictating the mood of our household.