New - shoot me
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I have a 14-year-old SD whose BM passed away when she was 11. My DH never has and never will parent. My SD was an "oops" and he says he never wanted kids because he knew he wouldn't be good at raising them.
Anyway, I am the parent and get really sick of the lack of appreciation or acknowledgment that what I do is by choice. Of course, since her BM died, she will always be on a pedestal in my SD's mind. So here is me: give, give, give...even though you aren't my kid and are nothing like me. Here is her: take, take, take, but you suck SM because you aren't my real mom.
Shoot me. I really don't know if I can keep doing it. It sucks. I don't know what I was thinking when I signed up for this role.
no shoot her
j/k........... what a terrible situation..... i can only fucking imagine the pedastool she's put on.... it is very sad that she lost her mother and i can't amagine the pain...... but it's not like you killed her! she should appreciate that you're there to help and provide and be a female role -- since her dad doesn't sound like he's much help...... i keep hearing the buzz word "disengage" ---- try that (haven't got the core meaning of it in a step situation yet)......try and go out of your way to NOT do special/nice things -- just the necessities and when confronted tell them both (DH & SD) -- well nothing i do is appreciated so why should i do anything?
ahh...venting support
Thanks starfish. I know all the healthy things that should be done. But sometimes I just need to let out my feelings unfiltered. So it is relieving to have some support for the icky feelings.
I've tried to disengage but it just isn't my personality (unfortunately). I'd love to not be so damn nice. Grr!
So your SD was an "oops?"
and your DH never wanted kids in the first place so that's his "excuse" for not taking an interest in raising them?
Did I read that right????
Somebody get me a 2x4 for this woman because she needs something seriously heavy to whck this man over the head with!!!
Are you kidding me??? He's GOT to get over himself already and stop with the excuses. He MAY not have wanted to have kids, but gues what...HE HAS ONE. And she's a teenager who LOST HER MOTHER! So he better damn well step up and be a friggin parent.
Shan, your DH is in need of a SERIOUS REALITY CHECK here!
This girl needs her father more than ever.
And of course she's going to put her BM on a pedestal- that's perfectly natural at this point, so don't take it personal.
Hell, even if the woman was a certified crack whore when she was alive, in SDs eyes, she'd be Mother Theresa now!
So here's my questions for you: Have your DH and SD been to therapy? Because BOTH of them need it. SD needs definite grief therapy in coping with the loss of a parent.
And I'd say your DH needs not so much therapy as he does some "Parenting Coaching" to learn HOW to be a father.
It's time. It's BEYOND time.
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
no counselors for him
My husband is very against doctors of any type and thinks counselors are quacks. I wanted to get my SD into counseling but since I'm not her legal guardian he would have to fill out the paper work. Very frustrating.
Thanks!
Thank you so much for the support. Its so nice to hear those words from someone...even if its not coming from who I'd expect it should come from.
You totally made my day!! Thank you so much for the smile.