SS repeatedly breaking rules DH does nothing
Alright, a lil backround info, SS is 18 and thankfully is back to only showing up for a weekend once every couple months... So it should be easy only having to see him once in a while!
But alas it is not... We've always had a rule that there is to be NO weed in the house at all, 0 tolerance! And DH firmly agrees with me, that is until it happens,Grrrrr!
See for the first time since Xmas SS decides to show up. Since he was here last I completely decorated the guest room all brand new, and annoyingly he is the first one to get to use it but whateves. DH and Irun out to get some munchies for all of us and SS decided to stay at the house. We get home and SS starts going on about how strong the bathroom air feshener is and that it actually was burning his eyes...well instantly I know what he's done as we've been threw it before. I go walk past the bathroom and I don't smell airfreshener and the toilet seat is still up, which gives me enough reason (and yes DH insists on having tangible cause otherwise its an invasion...*eyeroll*) sure enough I open the guest room door to be hit in the face by a wall of airfreshener mixed with weed smell! Now I'm admittedly over sensitive about weed... I grew up around it constantly and became to loath it swearing it'd nevwe be in my house as an adult...So SS's little stunts with bringing and smoking weed in my house REALLY don't go down well with me.
When I tell DH what he's done he makes up excuses for him like no maybe his bag has a stink to it cause he wouldn't smoke it in there (like having it in his bag isn't against the rules anyway???) so I demand DH go up and see/smell for himself, at which point there's no denying it so he goes to "talk" toSS 20mins later he comes back and AGAIN goes back to the story that the kid only had it on him he said he wasn't.smoking it in the house! SERIOUSLY?!?!? then of coarse DH and I get into the same argument we've had a million times.before cause.its happen a million times before... And then eventually he realizes he can't win the argument cause he sounds like an idiot denying the obvious so he just changes it all around like I'm the bad guy and its my fault for "snooping" or being overly sensitive about weed in general!
So how do I end this cycle? How do I get DH to understand just talking to SS is nothing more then an exercise in futility? How do I get him to grow some damn balls and keep our house drug free like he promised?
I'm thinking about saying the words I NEVER wanted to say... I don't want your kid in our house ever again! But I'm really hoping there's a less drastic option, tho its looking rather unlikely lol
Tell him to do it outside,
Tell him to do it outside, then dh can watch him.
Almost every smoker
Almost every smoker (including myself who quit in '71) thinks at the time that their smoke of whatever nature can't be smelled by others if they just 1. open a window/door or 2. cover it up with something equally smelly incense/room scent etc.
All of that trouble when all they have to do is step outside - which can be a pain depending on where you live I understand that.
You're not dealing with a kid here who has lessons to learn and Daddy should deliver the discipline. He's an adult. You would not allow me to desecrate your home with smoke and both of you would gladly tell me exactly that. So you have the right to throw out anyone who smokes. Tell your SS that he is to leave now. Or tell him if he does it again he'll be told to leave and asked to not ask to return.
Meanwhile tell your husband that if it happens again and if he refuses to leave you're calling the police to have them remove a unwelcome person who won't go away. They love to throw people out of doors.
I know there will be consequences with your husband but you'll have to decide which is worse.
Just having him go outside
Just having him go outside isn't enough for me.... I mean when I say I have issues with weed they are HUGE, do not even want to think that its in my house.
I can't have the police remove him unless DH is willing to say he not welcome here as well.... Co-habitation laws here state any guest only needs to have the approval/invite from ONE household member to be able.to stay.
I could however call the cops on the kid for the weed but kid would dispose of it before they got here and there's never enough that he'd get in any serious trouble for, if any at all. Would be a his word against mine thing even if they did manage to find it in my house and thats just going to be a huge mess.
So as far as I can see getting my DH to actually do something about this is the only recourse I seem to have, which it totally unfair
Well I have and
Well I have and update...after leaving the house to get some groceries, prior to which DH had another convo with SS about not smoking while we were gone. I came home to find evidence that he had once again smoked weed in my house!!! After a short argument with DH & SS, I said to DH that SS had to go back home tonight!.... And he actually took him home :O!!! Finally some action/consequences!!!!
I doubt this is going to be the giant change that's needed but it is a small victory, one that'll maybe make SS less inclined to repeat his behaviour next time.... Fingers crossed