Ok, I'm not a dad, but I've seen what you're talking about. I think it's the generation. It's just spoiled. I lived in the big city for a few years & it's really bad over there. The pressure to have all the latest of everything is really high, & if you don't then you are behind. This attitude is bad among adults, so it's even worse for kids. Thankfully I now live in a smaller town now, so the pressure is off.

Do you remember the old lecture we'd get about walking to school, barefoot in the snow? Do you realize our lecture will be that we drove our used cars to school without phones?

DH and I are on same page with this one. We don't think 13 year olds need cell phones, tons of clothes, expensive shampoo, to be involved with every activity that costs money,etc. I agree with Hipichick that this generation is spoiled! I drove my parents spare car until I got my own USED car when I was already MARRIED. I didn't have a computer or cell phone til I went back to college at 31 so my kids could reach me in an emergency if I was online for school...etc etc...

All my kids friends have a cell phone. What are all these parents thinking? "Well...everyone else's kids have one..." That logic certainly never applied to my parents.

Add in this layer of blendedness. BM buys SD stuff then SD brings it here- gameboy, cellphone. Then SD says, "You can't take it away- YOU didn't buy it- IT's MINE." Not in my house. Better leave it over there.

Then my sons say, "SM's kids have cell phones Dad says we can't b/c you don't think we should have one....StepSister has a new gameboy why can't we have one????" Etc etc etc.....

It's so flippin' complicated constantly having other people's morals and ideals present in your home. Most of us didn't have that growing up b/c our parents stayed "miserably ever after." It stinks to be happily married but a miserable parent!

Peace, love, and red wine

KIDDING!!!!! No, it's not you -

I totally understand. For us, if BM couldn't buy it gramma did. We were always the cheap jerks that didn't care. Each child just HAD to have some sort of game (be it PS1, 2, 13, 14;gameboy, whatever), their OWN TV, CD player, Stereo system (not radio, mind you, but system)VCR (and of COURSE, DVD player when that came into fashion), MP3 player, iPods, laptops..... blah blah blah. The list doesn't end.

After CS and our own bills, we're lucky we can afford cable for heavens sake!! So, sorry, you don't get that at our house. I guess you will have to settle for family movie night, and spend time with the rest of the people in the house - funny thing is, we have a good time!!

are when I was 20, a single mom and no money. My friends were in college and I was a bank teller and was beyond broke. My dining room table was a card table - with placemats mind you. No video games and definitely no cable. My friends would come over all the time and great conversation compensated for any "thing" I was missing.

These materialistic brats, and trust me I am living with 5 of them, drive me crazy. I'll tell you what I'm doing this Christmas...our local soup kitchen sections off tables that cater only to families with children. All 5 of my kids/skids will see what it's really like to go without. They will be serving kids their own age that parent's can't even afford a meal.

Your kids all need a dose of reality and need to volunteer their precious time to those who really go without....

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."

Money has always been a sore spot for me in this blended family. I've had to work really hard not to compare, judge, what have you. When I was engaged to my husband, he lost his job. I bought his house off him for more than the area value so we could get equity and cash. I also paid child support for him until he was employed again. Most recently, he is unemployed again, and I just took out all of my money from my 401k. DH is not a deadbeat, it has just worked out this way with jobs etc. Layoffs etc. (just thought I should throw that in)

I use to be pissed off all the time, that I was not appreciated at all. The kids would try to get me to buy things for them to take home to their mom. They would try to take groceries home to her too. They have managed to get my husband to buy them all kinds of expensive things just so they can take them to their mom's. They act like spoiled privileged brats at our house, but will speak about being frugal and responsible at their mom's.

Has my DH created this by giving in and buying them what they want. By eating out and going to the movies every weekend we have them? Does she say things to them that make the kids think Dad owes them. I'd say all of the above. A couple of Christmas' ago they gave us a list, the wrong one, and had to switch back. One list, for mom was affordable nice things, the other, ridiculously extravagant, and expensive stuff, that they didn't really want, but sounded good. We got the SD all the barbie houses, dolls, clothes she listed, but she didn't want to play with them. She just wanted to have them. They were never opened or played with. Same with the robot etc......

Now they have laptops, Wii systems, games etc. that have gone to their mom's. We asked for them to be returned to this house and they told us that the "children's bill of rights states that they can take their belongings freely" WTF. Where did they get that legal terminology?

I don't know my point with this, I just twanged when I read this post and thought, YEP I know exactly what you are talking about. It's a screwed up thing. I think it might be what father's always get regardless. Their guilt may just enable it too.

I had the same experience with my skids when we were rearing them. I was just so amazed at how they expected the stuff to be handed to them. Fortunately, my hubby and I didn't make a lot of money so we had that as an excuse when the, "you don't need it or when you can buy it yourself..." statements fell on their deaf ears.

Whenever you want to effect kids, your first step is to get on the same page with the other parent, in this case, with the BM of your skids, right? Do you two see this the same way? Does she tire of the kids taking their extremely comfortable life for granted? So that's your first step.

Remember that by nature kids are ungrateful. That our society has nurtured a materalistic need just makes the ungratefulness even worse. Not only do kids want, they want more; it's never enough. I really don't think your skids have the market cornered on that.

Taking them to a soup kitchen is a great idea, which they won't like at first, but it doesn't take long for our compassion, no matter what age we are, to surface when you're staring into the eyes of hunger.

Another suggestion I have that may sound really weird, and it would take a huge committment on your and DW's part, but I'll suggest it anyway. Go without some of the luxuries in your life for a few days. Categorize the things in your home into 2 categories: necessities for survival and luxuries. Pretend for a couple of days that you don't have the extra money for the luxuries like:
watching cable or only watch 1 TV at a time
eating more than 3 meals/day; make the food off limits after the meals have been served.
using the computer, cell phone, MP3, etc. (turn them off, put them in a box, anything to get them out of use for a few days)

You get the idea. Eliminate all those extras in your and the skids life, just for a couple of days. By example, by experience they just may learn how good they have it, simply by having some of these things they take for granted taken away. Make it a game, but also explain to them what the reason is behind it.

Like I said, it may sound absurd, but it may make an impact on them enough to realize how special all the extras are that you provide for them.

DH's son refuses to eat the mac and cheese I bring home from the food warehouse be/c it isn't Kraft or Velveeta. He also won't drink the generic KoolAid drinks I bring home be/c they aren't KoolAid brand. He told my DD that it doesn't taste the same. I guess his tastebuds are more discriminating than everyone else's in our home since he's the only one who seems to notice.

For a 12 y.o. boy, he sure is up to date on the latest brandname clothing as well. Hollister, Abercrombie, AE, etc. DH and I had a throwdown about the clothing. If DD and I are Walmart shoppers, so is Precious, especially since his BM isn't sending CS.

I don't get where these kids get off thinking that just because they suck wind they're entitled to rob their parents of every cent that is brought home for their own pleasure and to the hell with the rest of us.

I stopped cooking when my step kids came over. It was pointless. They wouldn't eat anything I made. One time I emailed their mom asking for her recipes, and still they wouldn't eat it. So it wasn't so much that I didn't cook well, (which I'm told all the time what an amazing cook I am. Who knows), it's that I was not their mom and this was not her house. My husband and I try to eat really healthy. We eat whole grain breads, cereals, pasta etc. They think it is terrible. My husband broke down and bought them white bread, and captain crunch cereal etc. Now my 2 year old wants to eat it too. I'm sorry, she doesn't need that crap and it is my opinion that they will acquire a taste for it if they eat it enough. BTW, SD now eats the kind of foods I use to prepare because she went to a nutritionist for being overweight and that is what she was told to do.

Okay I realize this doesn't sound exactly like the name brand issue you are talking about, but that comes into play too. They are very specific about which kind of apricot jam, and shampoo etc. I finally started giving gift certificates to bath and body to my SD for special occasions. She can then buy whatever she wants.

giving DH's son a bushel of his favorite brandname foods for Christmas since in our home, we only give gifts of necessity. (My DD's father and her GPs give the luxury items.) That way, he can eat all of the Jif, Smuckers, Kool Aid, Kraft & Velveeta mac & cheese he wants at his own expense.

I completely understand where you're coming from because I don't like that crappy junk food in my home either. DH's son has ADHD and his pediatrician said NO sugar but DH apparently doesn't realize that NO means NO. I try to feed everyone whole wheat pasta, whole grain breads, lowfat versions of salad dressings, sauces, meats, etc. but it hasn't sunk in with anyone other than me! If I quit cooking, it'd be Mrs. Paul's fish sticks, pierogies, frozen pizzas, and cereal every night. Yuck! I'd much rather make a healthy meal and watch them all squirm! Tee hee! }:)

I'll pile on one more comment in line with all of yours above. This sense of entitlement thing has been driving me crazy for awhile too. My two stepsons (13 and 17) think they should get everything and they get all pissed off when I say I can't afford to buy them new phones and new computers and everything else they want. Of courase their Dad will get it for them because that's how he plays the game which is be the hero and get them the nice gift while I and their Mom end up paying the lions share of the upbringing. My wife doesn't help sometimes either, she gives in to them all the time because she feels guilty for having divorced their Dad and putting them through it. I'm so tired of it and my money getting spent on things they don't deserve. They don't put forth any effort around the house and expect to be waited on hand and foot.

This thread really hits home with me. Heaven forbid my wife or I splurge on something nice for ourselves. SD13 practically demands a full audit of the finances. I'm tired of having to tell her to mind her own business.

This from a girl who just hit me up for $2K for an honors trip to Washington, DC and then proceeded to hand me a Christmas list longer than my arm!!

I just recently found this forum after looking all over online for a place to see what others might be going through and to vent for myself. After spending a lifetime in New York, I moved to California a year ago to be with my fiance and the three of his children that were still at home at the time (total of eight altogether, the rest are out of the house). I knew him for twelve years as a friend before that but only online and via phone. His wife had been sick for many years and passed away in early 2009, he called me right after that and our relationship changed. I flew out to visit that summer, and everything was ok with the kids but once I moved out things changed. The three at home are all boys, now 19 (just went to college over the past summer), one 17 and a high school senior, and a 12 year old in seventh grade. Fiance is a wonderful and loving man, best person I have ever been with in my life, but I can't stand living with his kids, especially the 19 and 12 year old. The oldest one is the worst. When I moved here I had no job and spent 6 months cleaning up the complete pigsty this place was when I moved here. Cooking cleaning laundry everything, but no help or consideration. Finally got a short term job but was working ten hours a day and would still come home to find everyone parked in front of computer or tv and the house a mess.

I love fiance but he really doesn't know how to discipline his kida and is very inconsistent. He has always worked long hours as a trucker and his wife was in and out of the house in hospitals for years before she died, ever since the youngest was about a year old, so there was no consistent disciplining or rules. I inherited all the chaos. The 19 year old was used to delegating everything to the younger two, which meant sitting on his lazy ass playing on the computer and making them do everything. He did not exactly like me coming in and attempting to instill rules, fairness and discipline. He is passive aggressive, says he will do things but leaves crap in the sink, dishes all over, leaves everyone else to clean up while he spends all his free time on the computer. Would throw tantrums and throw remote controls around when he played video games with his brothers and lost. He went away to college this past summer and got an apt with his g/f, I was hoping that would be the end of it, but he is home for winter break and driving me crazy. In fact it seems every time I turn around there is a friggin school vacation and I have these kids underfoot all the time, really hard sinc I'm not working right now and I have always been a working woman not a housewife.

19 year old hasn't learned anything as far as maturity at college and is being the same old lazy, selfish little s**t he has always been. 17 year old is usually at least helpful some of the time. Got along with the little one before I moved in but he adores the 19 year old and between the two of them they drive me crazy. 12 year old won't study, gets lousy grades in school, eats crap and gives fiance and I arguments every night about studying.

I am 53, fiance is 51. I raised my kids and they are long grown, and I never had these problems. Actually I was a non custodial parent and had mine on weekends so in a way its like I was never married and never had kids. I was never a big kid person, and I have lived alone for many years and treasured my privacy and peace and quiet. Going into menopause since I got here seems to have put me into reverse puberty, it is impossible emotionally to deal with these kids (especially 19 y.o. and 12 y.o.) I go into insane rages when they disrespect me, cursing, screaming, and then sobbing my heart out. Still not working so have no medical coverage to take care of the issue, only unemployment. (Fiance's job has no coverage either). Am not licensed in this state to do my work(mental health) and haven't had the money to take the extra required steps for licensure here yet (catch 22 situation). Miss my kids, my friends, and where I grew up. Haven't made any friends here because I can't afford to socialize, the only thing we can do together is go to church which is fine but I need more. I'm not used to a place (CA) where there is no public transportation like where I come from in NY, kids are dependent on parents till they get a car, they are always home, underfoot and annoying and up adult's a**ses 24/7! My kids and I both were always independent and out of the house but living rurally is like a prison. Don't have money to move at this time either with me being out of work. Wish these friggin kids would disappear and my fiance would move back to NY with me.

I am so upset because I gave up my whole life to come here for this man--our feelings were so strong I didn't really think it would be this bad with his kids. I cried when the oldest came home from college, can't wait till he goes back, it has been a nightmare. I don't have money to move out and get my own place because of being unemployed (though getting my own place was our original plan, till I got my annulment and we could get married). Everything is wonderful when it's just me and him, all our arguments are over his kids. We talk and he agrees to discipline plans, then he gets all wussy and inconsistent. To him I guess they are his kids so he excuses them, but to me they are completely undisciplined, running wild, lazy spoiled and selfish brats that I wish would disappear. Nothing I do seems to work, even when we do present a united front. I'd love to go to counseling too but no money for that right now either. I'm tired of raising kids at my age and resent the hell out of it. Even with little money, fiance and I are wonderful together. If only these kids weren't here...dont' know how I can make it till the 12 year old turns 18! I've suggested I should get my own place till they all friggin' move out but fiance doesn't like that. I don't really like it either but I'm getting emotionally and physically sick from the stress and aggravation of these kids. Sorry but I have to be honest..I came here for HIM and not for them. I wouldn't miss them at all if they disappeared. I'm at a loss to know what to do next. How do I keep this relationship and my sanity?