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OT - Mental Health Monday

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Yay, it's Monday!!!

Said no one. *lol*  Okay, maybe if that's the start of your weekend or vacation. Biggrin

As you know, I am recovering from a wicked go'round with Covid (I won, you *&%#@!). Aaaaaaand I have been mentally beating the crap out of myself because my body is not responding the way I want. I've recovered from major surgeries faster than this. Sheesh! It has been (for me) frustrating. 

I posted on another blog that my coordination is total shite. I'm unsteady on my feet and constantly tripping. My hands are weak/shaky and not moving fast enough to suit me and my typing is terrible. Sooooo bloody tired and weak AF. Cannot open a pop can, much less a bottle of Gatorade. And my doctor says it could take several months for me to be back to normal. 

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!  *dash1*

My DH has been great. He knows I despise (in myself) weakness so he does not hover or say "let me do that, baby". He waits for me to ask - which I loathe doing, but have no choice since I cannot get that damn lid off of the Gatorade. *diablo*

While DH has been patient with me, I have not. You don't want to hear how I've been berating myself. Oh, hell, I've been a downright bully to weak Aniki. Chastizing myself, calling myself names... All because my body is not responding the way *I* want/expect. 

My Dad, the Prince of Patience, put things in perspective last night. DH was at work and I wanted some scrambled eggs - my first time cooking in weeks. And a month ago, I would have poo-poo'd scrambling a couple of eggs as really cooking (for me). Ermagawd, what a MESS I made. Butter in the skillet.... and down the side. Took me 3 tries to crack the first egg - and got egg white on the stove. Hit the second egg harder, then got several bits of egg shell in the bowl. Whipped egg right out of the bowl and onto the floor. Cooked them, scooped 'em onto a plate - and onto the counter. Crikey. What does Dad say? "That's GREAT!"

Whut? I made mess after mess. His response? "So what. You got it done. Every success - even if it's not your usual best - is an important part in your recovery. It was a nasty illness. You're making progress and THAT is the thing."

I admit I was a bit flabbergasted by what Dad said. Then I realized that I am so used to being horribly hard on myself, that I was overlooking the fact that it IS progress. And instead of bemoaning (what I see as) the lack, I should be pleased that I DID IT. I accomplished something I couldn't do a week ago. 

So my takeaway is this: Give yourself a break. Stop beating yourself up. You don't have to get it right every single time. Everyone makes mistakes. We all have setbacks and failures. You don't always get there all at once. Sometimes you get there a little bit at a time. Take the win, no matter how small it may seem. What matters is that YOU DID IT.  *give_rose*

Comments

JRI's picture

If your dearest one were having these thoughts and saying tbese things, what would you tell them?  

Aniki-Moderator's picture

JRI, I would tell them the same thing my Dad told me. I, on the other hand, am absolutely brutal with myself and give no quarter. I'm trying to be kinder to me. 

TheAccidentalSM's picture

When you are climbing a mountain, sometimes its good to look back to see how far you've come.

Same thing with your recovery.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

TASM, this is definitely a mountain for me and I'm doing my best to readjust my thinking. Smile

Stepdrama2020's picture

Your dad has it right.

We need to love ourselves like we love our family and friends. Treat yourself like you would treat others. Gawd I hope ex BM SD read this. That means they are treating themselves like crap LOL...ok back to the topic at hand.

Scrambled eggs today, who knows maybe french toast tomorro!. Baby steps hun. Everyday is a day closer to being fully recovered.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Stepdrama, he is a wise man! 

Maybe French toast next week. I cannot eat bread right now. Bread, crackers, dry cereal.... all dry out my already-dry cottonmouth. Not enough liquids in the world right now.

But I do make really tasty French toast! *biggrin*

Kes's picture

Taking it slowly and gently is the best way, Aniki - try and go easy on yourself.  I got a positive Covid test today so I am expecting goddess knows what in the next week.  My daughter who lives up in the north - has had Covid for a week - obviously I didn't catch it from her as we are hundreds of miles apart.  So quite weird.  I've been ill for the last 3 weeks with a (non covid) very bad cold - had been getting better but then yesterday and today felt suddenly a lot worse.  Took a test and yuk - it was positive. 

advice.only2's picture

Dear Miss Aniki, don't kick yourself while you are down.  We have a gentleman who works here in our office that was almost taken out by Covid, it took him a month in re-hab to relearn how to walk.  He is slower than he used to be, but he is still kicking a$$ and that's all that matters.  You are doing the same :) 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

More perspective. Especially when I look back at where I was a couple of weeks ago. Thank you, advice.only! *kiss2*

bearcub25's picture

About 3 or 4 years ago, before we had heard of Covid, DSO and I got flu-b.   I had to go to ER as my fever was so high and I was tested.

Anyway it was a good 6 weeks before I could get through the day without a nap or 3, and I never nap.  I kept pushing myself which was the worse thing to do.

Love yourself and listen to DAD!   Hope you and Kes get better really soon.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Dang, bearcub, glad you recovered! The last time I took naps was when recovering from major surgery (and they were drug-induced). With my brand-new perspective, I'm really trying to not push and see every messy/clumsy accomplishment as a successful step on the road to recovery. Smile

CajunMom's picture

 I grew up without a father. This is so heartwarming. Glad he could "set you straight." LOL

Stay strong. CoVid is nasty. One step each day is progress. Sending you a big hug.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

CajunMom, in my wicked youth, my Dad was the only one whose opinion and advice I listened to/respected. He is loving, caring, honest as the day is long, kind, fair, truthful... he is the most upstanding person I have ever known. If I can be half the man he is, I'm doing great!

Thank you for that big hug! *kiss2*

BethAnne's picture

Your Dad sounds like the best. Yay for eggs and messy kitchens! Go Aniki! 

Sometimes I remind myself to be my own best friend. That can help me when I am not helping myself. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

BethAnne, he IS the best!!! 

Sometimes I remind myself to be my own best friend

I need to work at that. Thanks for the reminder!

PetSpoiler's picture

Your dad gave a great perspective.  And now I miss mine even more.  Pay no attention to the weeping mess over here.  

It seems that a lot of us are our own worst critic.  Me included.  My therapist called me on it in the third session I think.   I'm trying to talk kinder to my body, which is hard for me to do.  I'm particularly annoyed with it today because I couldn't sleep last night and now it's whining I don't want to do this, I don't like that, I'm tired, etc.  We really need to go easier on ourselves.  

Aniki-Moderator's picture

PetSpoiler, {{{HUGS}}}

I became my own worst critic after being married to my psycho exh. Made the decision that no one could be meaner or more hateful to me than... ME. I'd let all other criticism bounce off. It's not easy to change this mindset, but I'm trying.