aniQ's Blog

Update after 4 - 5 months.

I know it's been a while since I last posted. For me it means that things are going well and I no longer have the need to come out to vent. It was a great blessing to get a concrete diagnosis over what SS9 (now SS10) has, and the fact that he is "in treatment" gives us hope that we will one day be a normal family.

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Out of my mind with all this ****

What seems at times like a rain shower, ends up being a tropical storm in this house. I'm fed up, sick of it and ready to throw in the towel. The problems is that I can't...

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Great news: I've become NUMB :)

I know how it sounds, but seriously, this is what I have been wanting for a really long time. It is now day 10 of "vacation from hell", meaning that the kids are at our house and I thought it would be the end of me.

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I've decided to grow up.

Yes, it is time that I grow up. There has to be AT LEAST one grown up in this whole situation, right? My husband isn't it and the BM is most definitely not.

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How do husbands deal with disengagement?

I can't seem to be able to explain disengagement to DH. He thinks that me being completely disconnected from his childrens' lives is just absurd. He thinks that for us to be a family, we have to act as if we are one. I should be the person I've been (cleaning lady, cook, maid etc... for his children) and be a part of their lives. He thinks that otherwise he feels that he has two families. One with them and one with me. I said: "DUH!!! That's the point! I don't wanna be a part of this family. I wanna have MY OWN family with you." He's not convinced...

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What's up with all the spam?

It irritates me a bit. No way to get rid of it?

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Give up or move on

So, I have two choices. I can give up and run away, move back to Colombia and never look back or I can forgive and forget and start with a clean sleight all over again and move on.

One day at a time...

A lot of you have read my story before. About six months ago SS9 said at school that I had hit him and child services came upon us. It wasn't true, but that didn't keep anyone from hating me. SS9 also said that I had made him eat vomit, I had thrown his clothes out of the window and that I continued to hit him every time they are at my house. He assured child services that he was 100% scared for his life and that he didn't want to come to my house.

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