This might be petty!
Is it weird for a g-parent to keep calling my DS "My his name"?
My mom does not do this with any of her grandkids and I have never really heard from any other g-parents in my life. Honestly it also kinda gets under DH skin. MIL just started doing this. I posted a back to school pic and MIL commented with "my his name". I might be being petty and I get that but I was doing a proud parent moment and tagged DH in it. Sorry small vent just a little annoyed and feel like she somewhat demeans me being his mom.
Hormonal lately!
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You mean, like, "here is my
You mean, like, "here is my Jayden", vs. "here is my grandson"?
So she's singling him out as special somehow? Or does she do that with her other grandkids?
I am guessing
that the MIL is taking ownership of being a GP "my little Timmy". I honestly do not think she meant this to be harmful, more of an endearment. But only OP knows the ins and outs of MIL.
OP it could be a dig , since there has always been a tug of war with SS. However I have used comments like that with nieces and nephews and meant no harm or ownership.
She has not other grandkids.
She has not other grandkids. DS 11 is the only one. Since I have not had the second one not sure if she will do it with this one. Her comment was "My DS's name, I heart you sweetie". This is not the first time she has referred to him like this. Literally she says it and has posted pictures of him saying "My DS's name".
Like I said I could be being petty.
Yeah, it doesn't seem weird
Yeah, it doesn't seem weird to me. A little gushy for an 11-year-old, but since he's her only grandchild ...
Thank You.
Thank You.
He is her grandchild.. as he
He is her grandchild.. as he is your adopted son.. you could both say "my his name".. She probably has a bit more (don't mean more than you.. more than her other gks) of an attachment/bond with him due to the fact that she did participate in parenting him for the first part of his life..
I think it's a stretch to read too much into it. The fact is that she helped your husband raise this boy for many years. So did his sister.. he only stepped up in more significant ways later on.. perhaps circa when you were in the picture.. it may be all you have ever seen.. but these people have a history with the child.. that despite the fact that you want him to be "yours" completely.. cannot be erased. It is history.. it happened. I don't think it diminishes your current role in the least that she cares for him deeply.
My rational side of me agrees
My rational side of me agrees wish that my hormonal side did right now. I know that they will always have a different kind of relationship.
I guess I am just pregnant, and I am pretty sure my MIL does not really like me that much. I am still curious to see how she is when the other grandchild is here.
Hey.. I'm with you in the MIL
Hey.. I'm with you in the MIL doesn't like me that much club. My MIL hasn't spoken to me in like 2 months.. At least I'm thankful in my case that my DH has my back in that arena.. he is pretty pissed at his mom too.
But.. it could be hormones for sure making it more poignant. But remember, people are only as relevent in your life as you allow them to be. She spouts off this inane stuff.. mentally roll eyes and move forward. Actual interference.. that's a different story. set your boundaries and stick to them.
Thank you. DH is usually with
Thank you. DH is usually with me as well. He gets more upset with her than I do usually.
I think you are being
I think you are being hormonal and your MIL could do anything and you'd hate it. When you are annoyed with a mother-in-law absolutely anything they do just gets under your skin. Believe me I know I'm pregnant and I have awful in-laws too. I get annoyed when my in-laws post pictures of my daughter when I am not even tagged in it. I know that they are their own people with their own relationships but I still feel a bit possessive over my baby. It brings out the momma bear when you feel your child is being used like a prop in someone else's picture, I think this is what's going on with you too.
My husband has a bunch of little pet names for our daughter who is almost 1 year old. Whenever SD12 is around suddenly all those same names now apply to her even though prior to having our daughter and he never used them. "Little thing" "Little one" "My baby" barf. Prior to having our daughter he would recycle my pet names on SD and it was pretty damn weird hearing him call SD "Love" and "Babe" jesus christ can you make unique pet names for people? We have fought about this because I started ignoring him because it annoyed me so much. How was I supposed to know I was "babe" when he'd call it and SD and I would both turn?
I can so relate to this post.
I can so relate to this post. At this point, MIL can just sit there doing nothing and I'm annoyed by her presence. I have a visceral reaction when she is around or when she calls on the phone. It's not unwarranted, she's manipulative and has a lot of critical and judgmental things to say about me to DH (never to me directly). Thank goodness for social distancing, because I can actually avoid her for a bit, because I fear I may explode on her if we had to spend time together.
My MIL calls all of her grandchildren "Miss Name" or "Mr Name" and it bugs the crap out of me. Especially since she says it in a stupid baby voice, even though some of her grandchildren are in high school. DH and I are having our first child soon and I will cringe every time she refers to my child that way or speaks to her in a baby voice...even though my child will be a baby.
You are lucky
You are lucky she calls him by his name. I have 9 GKs and 3 GGKs and at my age, sometimes forget the names so I call them all "Baby" (including the 37 year olds). Lol. Just kidding, sort of.
Ok I needed this to make me
Ok I needed this to make me laugh!
I call all kids "Honey" -
I call all kids "Honey" - little brothers, nieces/nephews, SKs, BD, kids I work with. Covers a multitude of name flub sins :D.
Better than making a mistake
I hope my family isn't offended by my "Baby" name for everybody. But I used to sometimes call one by another's name and I feel generic "Baby" is less offensive. Lots of mine are the same age and size (they came in waves) so in the heat of the moment, I sometimes got confused.
I understand where you are
I understand where you are coming with this and I can tell you honestly, yes she will favor DS11 over your child. But hear me out, she's not doing it intentionally.
I understand this because my BS was the first grandchild, and I lived with my parents when he was born so they had a hand in helping raise him. When DH and I got married my parents still took my BS to do special things. Even when I had my BD and my brother had his two kids, they never held a candle to BS.
I don't blame my parents for it, but there is resentment from my brother and his wife and I understand it. My parents did a lot with my son, stuff they have never done with the other grandkids.
So while I don't think your MIL will do it intentionally there will be a different bond she has with DS versus with your bio children.
I know the bond will be
I know the bond will be different and they will see DS11 differently. I can get that. My aunt who I grew up with and I am really close with probably favors me more than any of the other nieces and nephews she has. We have a great bond.
I am just curious if my in-laws will also set up a college fund for this little guy like they did DS. I am truly curious to see if they even come up here after the I have him. They havent mentioned coming up to see thier new grandbaby at all. I am due in a month. I get covid and travel and blah blah blah. Have not even asked about what our thoughts are or if we would allow them to come up. Yes MIL flew all the way here to pick up DS and to bring him back. Again totally fine but just wondering how much of a disparity there will be.
Thank you for your post it helps put things in perspective and make my rational side take over more.
My MIL does this all the time
My MIL does this all the time, and she does it with all of her grandchildren. If I post a picture of SD7 on FB, she reposts on her page with "isn't my [SD7's name] beautiful?" Or if I post a picture of DD, she'll repost with "Look, my [DD's name] is crawling!" We're many states away, so it's on social media, but she does it in person with BIL's kids who she sees more often. I'm not bothered by it. My mom doesn't do that, but my MIL is southern and I'm not, so I write off this and much of what she does as a southern thing. It may not be, but I've noticed that my southern SIL doesn't even blink at things she does that strike me as odd. I don't think any harm is meant or that she's marginalizing my role as stepmother or mother.
OH, I see where you are
OH, I see where you are coming from, you feel like because you adopted him, she's now laying claim to him as "hers". Did she do this before the adoption?
I asked DH if he remembers
I asked DH if he remembers saying it much before recently and he said no not really. I know she use to call our oldest dog "my doggy". She use to do it with the dog even though he was always my husbands dog and was way more attached to him than anyone else. Still is.
To add more to all this my mom posted a pic on her FB of all three grandkids, my niece, nephew and DS. MIL still commented with "My his name" even on my mom's post. I get social media stupid but why say that on my mom's post when all she is trying to have is her own personal proud grandmom moment. I think my MIL is have some jealousy issues lately and probably not totally happy she does not get to see DS much since she decided to move. She literally though we would just send him down there for a whole summer. Ummmmm no I do want to spend time with my kid in the summer too. I know she hates how we parent. I am pretty sure she is really upset that DS is at my parents all the time lately becuase of the whole Covid thing and having to school part time on line. My mom is working remotely so she is at home and can monitor him easy. Is what it is. MIL coming up and watching him for several months not really an option. As my DH and I both know that she would get bored and DS probably would barely do his schooling.