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Will she or won’t she

Aunt Agatha's picture

Since there has been a number of failure to launch posts, I'm taking bets over here.  

Oldest Sd is supposed to be off to university in less than 2 weeks.  However, the plot has thickened!


By way of a backstory, BM has been out of work since early February.  Not at all COVID related - she was let go long before jobs started disappearing due to the pandemic.  As she worked for my former employer, it took about 2 seconds to find out she was let go for being incompetent.  Frankly, I was surprised she lasted as long as she did.


Fiance had told SD when she was accepted to look into student loans to cover what the initial aid package did not, and then he's be happy to discuss her options with her.  He asked her repeatedly throughout the summer, letting her know he had money to cover books, but he could not pay her remaining college costs. Being unemployed, BM wouldn't be able to pay anything at all.

She even sent him her bill a month or so ago and again, he reiterated she needed to call the school and find out her options to fill the gap.

Each and every time he asked her, she was fine and had it covered.  This last weekend, which was all about getting stuff for her dorm, she was fine. Everything was under control.

Until late Sunday, after he took the skids back.  He suddenly gets an email about how he needs to meet with SD and BM to figure out how he was going to pay the remaining bill.  

I thought he was going to have a fit.  He explains to oldest SD that there was nothing for him to talk about with BM.  That he had repeatedly asked her about what options she had discovered and she told him it was fine. Less than 2 weeks to go, and he was not plopping down the cash nor co-signing for anything.  He sent her a list of the best student loan programs and offered to get on a call with SD and only SD to discuss.

Mind you, this is after she sat in her room on her butt doing lord knows what after shopping extravaganza was over.  Not one peep about not having actually done anything about the remaining funds.

Sd wants to be a research scientist to boot, but can't research student loans on her own.

BM of course left a message about how she unemployed does more than he does working a full time job and he was a deadbeat if he didn't pay up.  Of course  she says that about everything so you know. Whatevs unemployed lady.

But since this, crickets.

So will oldest SD:

A. Manage to get a student loan in less than 2 weeks to pay the bill?

B. Convince her grandparents on her moms side to pay up? (DHs parents are no longer with us).

C. Get a deferral and figure it out for the spring?

D. Do nothing and miss a fantastic opportunity, maybe end up at community college at some point?







Aunt Agatha's picture

I spit out my coffee on that one!  She'll go the butt implant route as being a rap star would be too much work! 

Catmom23's picture

Ugh.  These skids and college.  Please update us because I'm dying to know.  I'm still laughing about my SO's sister calling him and saying that his daughter (her neice) "wanted to try again at college" and thought he should pay for it this time.  She had previously failed out the first semester.

Good for DH for saying NO WAY to the little get together BM proposed.  They would have tried to brow beat him into paying.

I'm going with Option B.

futurobrillante99's picture

I have a feeling the college will give her until a few weeks into the semester to figure things out - Covid, ya know. But she'll be on the hook for it. Ugh. Lazy people.

halo1998's picture nothing and hope that DH will pony up the cash.

simifan's picture

E. Go to college and classes like everything is taken care of, then come crying to Daddy fully expecting Daddy to foot the bill. 

thinkthrice's picture

then definitely D.   Then cry for community college money, finally ending up like Luanne Platter, beauty school dropout.

advice.only2's picture

I vote D. with SD calling DADDEEE from school crying about how she's getting kicked out and it's all because of him.

notarelative's picture

If SD is under 24, she is considered a dependent student for federal loan purposes and will need the financial information from one parent.

If your parents are separated or divorced, the custodial parent is responsible for filling out the Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA). The custodial parent for federal student aid purposes is the parent with whom you lived the most during the past 12 months.

if BM is custodial, she needs to fill out the information. Dad's info is not needed. And because BM is not working, her aid may increase.

If Dad is the custodial, the information from his household, yours included, is needed.

At this late date, SD is going to have to call the college financial aid office and ask about her options. School is about to start. Most aid has usually been committed by now. But, because of the pandemic, there may be aids available due to students deciding to take a gap year. 

Whatever happens Dad should be wary of signing loans. Before he considers signing anything, he should see all of the bills and all of the correspondence from the aid office. Signing for someone who waited until the bill was in hand to realize it has to be paid, is probably not a good investment.

Aunt Agatha's picture

FISA forms were supposedly filled out long ago.  But you know.  I don't and haven't trusted what she's been saying for years...

He has already said he won't co sign anything due to the sheer risk factor.  I can absolutely see her going somewhere for a year then dropping out, sadly.  Hopefully, she surprises me.  

missginger's picture

THIS is my worst fear!!! That I will be so close to the finish line (SD going away to college, moving away whatever) and then at the last minute having it not work out. This has already happened so many times with little things - like she is supposed to spend the night with a friend on a night we have her but something always happens where she doesn't. Her schoolis starting next week which mean her being out of here by 8 in the mornings she sleeps over. Im holdign my breath and praying that the school doesnt switch to online learning becuase some kids test positive. 

Harry's picture

Professional couche surfer.   She will surf any couch she can find. And work very hard at that 

SacrificialLamb's picture

Many colleges are currently doing the online learning so she could easily do this at a community college and save herself lots of $$$$ (living with BM of course).  Heck if my kids were still in college I would refuse to pay tuition at a residential university if their classes were online (assuming they were still getting their requirements). 

I've heard of kids quarantining in their dorms after getting there. Crazy. Give them some whipped vodka, they will all be together passed out then going home with COVID.  

My own DS27 had a screwup moment in his college career.....he was not ready to go away and his grades showed it. I was furious and told him he needed to pay his tuition up front, and if he got above a 3.0 GPA, I would pay him back. He was not living in our house doing NOTHING. 

If this was not acceptable to him his options were find a job with his limited skills and live elsewhere where I didn't have to witness his video game obsession, get a job on a cruise ship, or join the military. He hated all those options, but his job in produce at Kroger paid for him to go to community college then finish at  a 4 year university.

Once he had skin in the game, his grades improved ...... magnificently. He finished his bachelors with a 3.7 GPA. And then he went onto grad school with a 3.9 GPA.  He's now has an amazing, recession-proof job. And he gives me sappy cards all the time thanking me for straightening him out.  That was my JOB.

That is what a parent is supposed to do. Always be thinking about how to straighten out the kid who needs straightening.  Because other than that mother whose daughter got a perfect score on the SAT, went to Stanford, and then got a gold medal swimming the 2016 Olympics, they all need straightening out.

Your SD can't get a job on a cruise ship right now, but she needs to know she is not going to be able to just skate.  I mean, wait to the last minute and then say "here's the bill!!!".  She's an adult, and that comes with adult decisions.

Tried out's picture

sure she can get loans this late in the game? Especially one she doesn't need a co-signer for? It's been awhile but I'm pretty sure that we had to do that in the spring, when the financial aid packet came through.

As far as FAFSA is concerned, I was the custodial parent but my ex's income was still counted.

ndc's picture

she should be able to still get federal loans (only $5500) if she filled out FAFSA. NCP income isn't required for FAFSA, but many colleges (especially those with $$ to give) require additional info, including NCP income.

ndc's picture

How much does she need? She can only get $5500 without a co-signer (and that assumes the $5500 in federal loans wasn't already included in her package). This is a great year to start at community college and knock out the GenEds, as the on-campus experience is going to be anything but normal this year.

Kudos to dad for refusing to include BM in the discussion.


Aunt Agatha's picture

It appears Daddy is co-signing so she can take out a loan for this year.  Definitely adding this to the prenup.

To be fair, she did get a great package from the school, but she needs to fill a gap that's larger than $5500, sadly.  Here's hoping this doesn't come back to bite him.

Thankfully, I have my own income, savings.  My future retirement won't be impacted if everything goes south.

For anyone still reading: the pitfalls of stephell run deep! 

ndc's picture

Wow, it didn't take him long to cave. What's the plan for future years? College costs usually go nowhere but up, so I'd expect a bigger shortfall every year (although she can borrow $6500 next year and $7500 in each of the following 2 years without a co-signer).  Glad to hear you yourself are good financially. I hope the co-signed loans are small and SD is able to pay them off on time and on her own.

Catmom23's picture

Why couldn't BM cosign instead?  Bad/no credit/unemployed?  Typical.  Hopefully all goes well.

ndc's picture

One additional thing for him to keep in mind, especially if he has to co-sign for 4 years of loans, which can add up.  This will count on his credit report as if he himself were the borrower, because he is just as liable for the repayment of these loans as SD is.  If she ultimately misses a payment once repayment begins, it'll be a ding on his credit report just as it is on hers.  If the two of you need to take out any loans in the future, this could affect them, depending on the size of SD's loan(s) and your fiance's overall financial picture.

FYI - if BM were to apply for a Parent Plus loan and be rejected, SD would be able to borrow additional federal loans on her own.  Not a lot (maybe $4K), but every little bit helps.  Lack of income won't get you rejected for Parent Plus, but defaults and late payments might.

JRI's picture

You will retain separate finances once you are married,  right?  You've probably seen most of us either threaten it or actually do it.