I haven't met MANY families that were not dysfunctional, but I have met SOME. And I have to tell you, the difference is apparent instantly. My ex-boyfriend's family (i.e. from 6th grade) is such a family. The one thing I have to say that is the ONLY thing I can think of that makes them different is that both the mother and father grew up very well. They both had great families (from what they state) and were very well off financially on both sides. These two never really had any major stress in their lives except when their son was born with a leg issue, which they were able to pay for to correct/help without any issues because money was never an issue for them. Other than that, it is crazy when I see how they talk to each other, about each other, how they all treat is other, how well they are ALL doing, even those in step situations…just amazing.

I know a second family, that I have known since I was little and they too have an amazingly great relationship. While of course, it's not they have ZERO issues, they are very minor issues overall. They also have a divorced son and are 100% supportive of his current wife vs. ex-wife…although they were nice to the ex-wife for years, until she started flipping out about the guy remarrying (she dumped him…go figure). Anyway, they are the type of family that goes out together ALL the time, they go on vacations together, they all help each other out when one is not doing so well, it is crazy. They are very tight and don't let many people come in to the family as friends actually.

So, yes, while I do many crazy families, I do know some that are just great.

By the way, the 2nd one ALSO has been very well off most of their lives, all the kids as well…some minor ups and downs, but nothing major.

I agree. My grandparents on Dad's side were married for 40+ years. To everyone outside, they looked like your average family.

There wasn't physical abuse or anything like that. But my grandmother had many traits of a pasing bm. Whether it was intentional or not, I don't know. But I know she and my grandfather fought a lot about issues relating to their youngest child. He wasn't included in many decisions about this child. They generally fought like cats and dogs for many years later in their married life. They also had issues of their own, like losing their moms at such young ages, having parents who just didn't care for them, etc. I don't know all the details, but do know there were huge issues.

I think this post is a much needed reminder that intact families do have issues (or most do) and their own nutty family members.

One of my childhood friends seemed like she had the perfect family. Church-going, SAHM who baked cookies and did crafts, dad was kind but a little strict...
When I got older I realised they looked down on me because my parents had split, the mum was the strict one, and an all-around frigid bitch. I certainly didn't blame the dad for leaving when friend and I were 18. Friend didn't want much to do with him, and it was actually her implementing the PAS against the younger kids, rather than their mum.
We're not friends anymore.

I have another friend who did have a good nuclear family. The kids are well-adjusted, contributing members of society. The parents have been married for about 30 years. And they were always willing to help out a struggling, single mum and her two daughters.

there's crazy in every family!

my grandparents had a wonderful, loving, stable marraige, a daughter and three sons, all three boys worked in g-dad's 'family business' until he died. he was a warm, loving, outgoing man, verrry well rounded (and i mean that literally, he was about 300 pouds and didnt get much genetically for height to help). his personality would get the attention of everyone, including pretty young ladies- my grandmother would just giggle at him and go "oh pops..." (even now, 21 years later, she still has at her bedside a picture of him and a cute hawaiian girl from one of the few vacations they took ) his business did well, she was always a homemaker, and they raised their family well.

two of their kids divorced after shitty marraiges and have step problems, one is absolutely miserable in his current situation but will never leave, and the other married a woman with kids so he's also got step problems. also three out of four have had pregnant teens!

nuclear families are rarely perfect, and even perfect nuclear families rarly turn out more perfect families.

Nuclear Family- Here are the most current family issues going on in my family and this is just on my mom's side.

My Grandma didnt talk to her sister (M) for years because M stole Grandma's best friend's husband. M and husband have now been married for 40+ years. Grandma and M eventually made up.

My Grandma's brother (P) started an affair with his nephew's wife. (My grandma's son's wife). They are still together 25 years later. Grandma and brother never made up from that though.

^^^^ Same guy (T) whose wife left him for his uncle. He didnt talk to his daughters (young adults) because he wanted them to disown their mom after that happened and they didn't, so they didnt talk for years. They have since made up.

T later got remarried to S. S had a son (who lived out of state). S's son (J) and my sister ended up getting together and are married. (have been together for 18 yrs). When T & S got a divorce it was a HOT MESS and T stopped talking to my sister (his niece) and they still dont talk or have a relationship.

T got mad at my mom and his other 2 brothers when my Grandma went into the nursing home 2 years ago. He hasnt talked to my mother and uncles in 2 years. He also didnt come to my Grandma's funeral (She passed away about a month ago).

Grandma's sister (B) and brother (S) have sided with T in that fued ^^^^^ and also didnt attend my Grandma's funeral.

T doesn't talk to his cousin because F is still friends with T's ex wife (the one who left him for his own uncle).

Other cousin L wont talk to F because she feels he is disloyal to T.

So there you have it folks! Even nuclear families are crazy and have lots of issues!

Families are made up of people and people come in all shades of crazy so yes...there is always *something*.

But having grown up in a nuclear family and then being a single parent and now a stepparent...oh hell yes there is a difference. A huge difference.

I am going to use myself as an example here as I have analysed my own life on this very topic.

My grandparents (maternal and fraternal) were inlove until the other passed on. Sure, they had issues with their children. Faternal side: My father was a POS. Maternal side: My aunt is nutz. All other children were relitvely normal and successful in life. That said, my grandparents were happy and in love. Both were not rich, but didnt go without. They raised their children to respect other people. They taught their children to have manners and to be independent.

My maternal grandfather died of a broken heart a few months after my grandmother died.

My parents divorced when I was 5 years old. Like I said, my dad was a POS. (I didnt see him much in my life) My mother had a boyfriend during 10 years of my upbringing. He was a decent man! I am not crazy (although I feel as if I am going there lately)... but my sister is a freaking nut job. My mother did OK also. She worked her ass off and had a good job. Not rich, but we werent struggling. She taught me the important things in life. I was raised to be kind, stand on my own two feet, know when to talk and when to shut up. I was taught to respect people and to have manners. Because of my father, the siblings were divided, but we were still close for a good long time. Some of us still are close.

Although I came from a family which I consider slightly NUCLEAR, I took it upon myself to try to BE BETTER than my parents - In some things I succeeded. Others (my life now, I am failing.

I was married for 15 years to a man that I still get along with. He and I raise our children together. We get along, we communicate, we go to functions together, soccer games, we host birthday parties together, I adore his girlfriend, etc etc. We are cut from the same cloth and we put our children FIRST. He comes from a family whose parents were well off, are divorced but get along, and he was raised with the same morals as I was. He is also fairly close with his siblings.

Now... my life now is the shits to be honest and that is why I am getting out. 2.5 years of this shitty life has been too much!
DP's parents are still together. They have money! Religious people. They dont communicate. They are not kind, not caring, not affectionate - they arent polite and think that they think that spending/buying is a fix. They are not close and show no respect for one another. They act like they were raised under a friggin' rock. No manners, enablers with the skids... just all round stupid, ignorant people.

So of course, DP is a lot more "well rounded" than his parents! I wouldnt have fallen in love with him if not. But still, he is not cut from the same cloth as me. (he was not raised the same as I was). He is affectionate and supportive a lot of the time. But extremely negative, as is skids. He has a volatile ex wife. Only since living with me have they started using manners. SD half understands "respect", SS has no concept of the word. Respect isnt in DP's nature when he is pissed off at me. There are a lot of things wrong in this house and this is why I am leaving. Its Nuclear!!! I dont want that for my kids or myself. If my kids turn out all right, it will be because they have two people like me and their father raising them, as long as I get the hell out of here....

In conclusion:
I will never make the mistake of moving in with another man as long as my children live with me. Not saying that I will never have another relationship, but they wont be exposed to it in the same way as they are exposed to it now. I will not have the likes of NUCLEAR Family under my/their roof again. Needless to say... I dont have much faith that most NUCLEAR Families work unless there is a foundation of what is important to you - ie. manners, respect, love, affection, common sense, intelligence, closeness and communication. I think you (parents) need all those things to make it through "nuclear times" because it is those things that will bind you together and make you strong! If something is missing, the relationship is cracked. And with cracks, shit leaks in and love leaks out!

(oh course, I may be the crazy one in my family and all I just said sounded like complete horse shit) LOL