I said my first St. Jude prayer today. I feel so torn, so desperate, so out of control. I keep giving people power, instead of giving God the power. I need to find a way to be a better mother, to let things go like I used to. Andrea, Alisha, and Aydan deserve it. Cierra and Cayden deserve to not live in such blended family chaos. I feel like I am in a corner, and stuck with no options, no rights. I feel like whatever the "ex" wants, she gets. Not because my husband gives it to her, but because he is stuck in the same corner, united only in his frustration with me. How do I stay patient, how do I continue to teach the 3, how do I stay kind and loving when I want to scream at every injustice brought on them, brought on me, brought on their father. When every time I turn around everything I stand for is always tested. Fairness, gracefulness, humility, and honesty. How do I find a way to roll with the punches again, and let things go?