Do you ever feel like a yo-yo? I do. The skids get on my nerves and just thinking about them coming over stresses me out. Then something happens – some event or solitary moment – and I get the warm fuzzies for them…for like a hot second. Then *poof* it’s gone again and I’m back to boiling over with annoyance.

Skids had a band concert last night. I used to be in band for a while. All of my old HS buddies are former band geeks. So these concerts generally bring on a feeling of nostalgia. Both skids are fairly talented musically and are heavily involved in all band activities. If there were ever a time when I feel proud of them it is when they are performing. I almost told them so last night but lost the courage and desire after the opportunity didn’t present itself quite like I’d hoped. I’m still proud of them. Not long after the concert some drama came up involving BM. (The same BM who did not show up to the concert) DH was righteously angry and I supported him. He said he’d call her later to hash it out, then didn’t. While he was still angry he insisted that if she continued her drama he would cease paying her a dime of CS until she straightened out. I expressed my incredulity and asked if he was serious. He said yes, so I said OK. DH is known for talking a big game and then fizzling out. Sure enough, his anger died down, he put off calling BM until she was in bed and refused to talk on the phone. I brought it up later, though, and said “Are you going to call her tomorrow and get it over with? I know you don’t want to but this issue really needs to be resolved for sure. We can’t leave it hanging out there.” So he said he’d call her today. My prediction: everything goes down via text and he rolls over and just says ‘whatever’ when she continues to be a flaming itchy c*nt. He claims this drama is his breaking point but she’s done worse. Guess we will see.

Today: DH took both skids for a “skip day” out on the town. Lunch, antiquing, a movie. He’s done this before but it is getting under my skin today. He didn’t save up any money to pay for the things they’re going to do today. Instead, he’s throwing it all on the credit card (that we are trying desperately NOT to use) and saying he’ll pay it off with the side job he has lined up in a couple weeks. (cue the sound of me screaming into a pillow)

I know why he’s doing it – this skip day. It’s the dad guilt. We’re going away for a week with just our bio-littles next week and he thinks he has to compensate. BUT! He’s already done numerous things and made promises to the skids with the intention of ‘making it up to them’.  He took them to a concert earlier this summer AND promised them a special trim next summer to compensate for this trip we’re taking without them. Words alone cannot express how fed up I am with the dad guilt business. 

My counselor says I need to learn to express my feelings about all these situations that upset me before they peak and I explode. I know she is right. DH is never going to respond positively to anything I say unless I can do it from a place of love - before I'm ready to eat his soul. But no matter when I end up sharing my feelings it is going to p*ss him off. He hates it when I try to reason with him about telling the skids or BM no about stuff. He knows that I’m right but doesn’t want to do anything about it. He’s too afraid of BM for some unknown reason. I have no qualms about telling the skids or BM to get bent but trying to encourage him to do the same makes me that bad guy somehow. Can anyone else figure out that logic?

OMG! I almost forgot – something rather amusing happened over the weekend! BM sends this random group text to us (me and DH) about how she set up a 2-person fundraiser just for the skids through her husband’s employer. She did it because, and I quote, ‘Apparently they [the skids] think money grows on trees and that we are banks’. She complained that the skids have shown no interest in fundraising even though they’ve had the fundraiser sheets for nearly a month. Now there’s like a week left and she asked us to light a fire under their arses and see if we can get them to sell stuff. PFT!  Yeah, ok. We’ve already been collecting pop bottles and encouraging the kids to seek out odd jobs to pitch in money towards this big trip they’re taking with the band. So far they’ve shown minimal enthusiasm. I mean, why bother when they know mommy and daddeee are going to cough up the whole amount anyway? I just thought it was rather amusing to hear her complain about feeling like a bank, especially considering how often she tries to bleed us dry.

I guess that concludes my rant for the day. I will be so thankful to have 7 straight days with just DH and our two littles.