So DH has decided he will not be giving in to BM and changing up the custody. I can't blame him I guess. This means I will for sure be responsible for SDs (7) homeschool for the foreseeable future. Homeschooling, raising a baby, running the house, and working parttime. Yippee! -sarcasm- I can already feel how burnt out I'm going to be soon. 

Do you ever feel like a yo-yo? I do. The skids get on my nerves and just thinking about them coming over stresses me out. Then something happens – some event or solitary moment – and I get the warm fuzzies for them…for like a hot second. Then *poof* it’s gone again and I’m back to boiling over with annoyance.

We are now in counseling. Well, at least I have started counseling. DH is still waiting for his referral to come through from my EAP but it should only be a couple of days. He is definitely on board and truly wants to make things better between us. The counselor is nice. Very engaging - not like the last one. We've only had one session but I think this is going to help.

BOTH skids made homecoming court. SS16 is going to be a junior representative.

FML.

And now DH is p*ssed at ME for being p*ssed at the situation. He is asking for counseling. He said 'I refuse to do to the littles what I did with the bigs. Take that as a threat if you want but I REFUSE.' Meaning - he refuses to lose time with the little boys by being separated from them via divorce. 

DH can't understand why I harbor resentment toward the skids. "You've known them since they were little! I don't understand how you cannot be attached to them! It doesn't make sense!"

EOW visits with SD13 have been going really well. There is no Disney Dad happening. No nightly phone calls to BM. SD13 seems pretty happy when she is here. She spends time with us by her own choice and we all get along well. When it is time to go back to BM’s (who she chose to stay with FT) she drags her feet. 

I am still sticking to my two rules. I am not left alone with SD13 because of her lying. And I keep conversation focused on her, so my invisible emotional boundary is intact. 

Went to counseling. With DH. Let DH lead. We were united. 

I am shocked to say I felt counseling was worthwhile. 

I do not believe SD13 is telling the counselor much beyond what her mother dearest has instructed her to say or carefully put into her head over months of manipulation. Nonetheless, I did get some tips on how to maintain my cool when dealing with a stone-faced adolescent who spies on me and craps on my kindness in a way that is so quiet, it can barely be addressed.

well counseling was today.

Generally disappointing as the counselor seems to have bought into BM’s sad sad nonsense. Hopefully I am mistaken. 

**sucking down a beer as I type-**

I couldn’t find a pair of earrings. I really thought SD13 had stolen them. I asked. She of course said “No.” I brought up (finally!) the stolen jewelry. I asked where it was.

“In that drawer” and she pointed.

“Try again,” I said.

“In my closet,” she answered.

”No, it isn’t in your closet. Because I found it and took it back. You just lied to me. You stole my jewelry, hid it for months and then just lied to me.”