I feel so unappreciated
My boyfriend has 2 kids , and I have one and expecting our own baby in a few months .
My boyfriend pays child support and never has any money left ove . I try and help him with EVERYTHING including making sure he has rent money and gas money for him and myself . I buy the groceries and and during the weekend every thing is gone because he says it's hard to feed 2 boys. I dont ask for anything from him ever . He doesn't help me with money at all I pay our phone Bill's, and have bought mine and his kids clothes and toys. I gave his some a birthday last year and this year I will too . When we go out to wat i pay when we take the kids anywhere I pay. We live in an apartment with his roommate and I'm not comfortable here. He never has any extra money to help me or himself . I'll always help him because I care . It just sucks when I feel I'm putting him and his 2 kids before my own kid .... and then I feel bad if I buy my son anything because I feel he gets mad that I'm not doing it for his kids too . .. his kids dont listen and cant be told no . I tell my son no to somthing and then his kids will do exactly what I told my son no to . Its frustrating. And now I have a new baby on the way and feel more stressed out because I wanna tell him to worry about his kids or ask there mom for help ... she doesnt work and she gets child support plus he gives her money when he gets taxes.... and hes left again with nothing and me picking up all the extra tasks .... and I'm not sure how to talk to him about it because he just gets angry and tells me I'm just throwing money at him so he can love me or I buy my love ...
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Welcome to ST
Glad you found StepTalk. We get it. You are correct; not an okay situation.
BF is using you. Your feelings are valid and your perceptions are accurate. BF is gaslighting you because he's figured out he can guilt you into paying for his LIFE. This is not working for you and its good you blogged here because you'll get the feedback and validation you need to take action and change this WRONG situation.
Again, welcome. We get it.
Why in the world are you putting other children and a man
Why in the world are you putting other children and a man before your own child? Since he thinks you are just paying for things to "buy his love," quit paying for things. Then you will quickly be able to tell if that is true or not. Even though you care, you are under no obligation to pay for his children or him. If he doesn't make enough money to support himself, he should get a second job, or cut back on expenses.
Welcome to the site!
If your bf is paying child support, fine. But he shouldn't then expect you to pay for the rest of his life because he has no money left. He is using you - he is greedy and even resents it if you buy your son something. This is wrong on so many levels.
Here's what you do.
Here's what you do.
For food... dont say anything...just be cheap when the kids are there. Hotdogs. Rice. Beans. Pasta. Apples . Bananas. If he doesn't like it, he can pitch in. The kids won't die from being fed cheap food for a few weeks, long enough for him to get the idea. If he mentions it, you say "this is all I can afford right now."
Stop buying his kids clothes and toys. Just don't do it. Limit it to gift giving events... If he mentions something... all you say is "I'm sorry, I can't afford it right now."
Stop going out. No outings, no spending. If he mentions going out... you say "oh you're treating us?" When he awkwardly says no and mentions you paying... "sorry, I can't afford it right now."
Stop talking about money to him, and stop throwing it at him.
When he complains, and he will, "sorry, I can't afford it right now" is all you should say.
Put YOUR money aside, and don't let him know it's there... he has no reason to work harder if you're financing his laziness...
You can do bad all by
You can do bad all by yourself.
Your main priority is you, your child and baby on the way. If your BF can't financially maintain himself, he needs to get a 2nd job. There is another child on the way so he really needs to step it up and provide for his. I'm sure you had good intentions and started the trend of helping him with everything and now you are paying the consequences for being kind. He's not going to get his sh!t together if you continue being his safety net.
He's a grown @ss man with 2 kids and one on the way, he needs to step it up and take care of his. Really reconsider if this is how you want to continue and putting his kids needs and wants before your own should never be an option. Get your life sweety and know that if you do leave him, you got this!
He can not be paying that much CS
That he has no money left over. If he is its needs to be adjusted. He needs to get a second job. You have to stop paying for him and his kids. He will never change
Oh dear
Please listen to these wise posters above.
You sound like a kind, generous person. One this Person you are with is finding way too easy to take advantage of.
If you have money to support him and his 2 prior kids, you have money to stop his gravy train and move out in a peaceful, clean apartment of your own.
If he is 'man' enough to make 3 babies, he will be able to man up and figure out life without you supporting him.
I predict he will find some other kind sucker to support him in no time after you move out. He does want someone to buy his love. He certainly doesn't love you enough to support himself and the new baby with you. He's more than happy to let you adult for him.
You and your children deserve better.
Your boyfriend is using you.
Your boyfriend is using you. Why on earth does he not have money to support himself? Does he have an addiction issue? Not work?
He has two kids and one on the way.. he needs to grow the hell up and start providing for these kids he created.
It sounds like you would be 100% better off living on your own and not bankrolling him and his children.
He gets mad at you because there is some kernel of guilt in him that KNOWS he is a POS for sponging and mooching off you.. but he wants to make it YOUR fault.. not his. the lazy piece of crap that he is.
UGHHH ... please go live your life and care for your kids.. this guy is a dead end street.