Okay, so unlike many of you, my situation is a little bit different. I know this web is for SM and SD but it was the only one that I could relate to. I am a female that is in a relationship with a mother of "our kids" she is the biological mother and we have been through it all together. Thing is, I cannot accept "our son's" behavior. Like many of you, although we were in this together I feel like I have no say at all in how "we" bring them up. He is whiny, rude, loud, unshameful, lazy, and has many of the same behaviors that you are describing.