Oh wow. CLove. So glad you have a protection order against him. Please be safe and have someone with you always. I don't trust him even with the order.

I hope it's no problem to have the order extended and hopefully a lawyer will help with any other details so that you NEVER have to see his face again.

Big hugs. Please keep posting and reaching out here. We all love you! ❤️ 

MotherF*&cker!!

I am so sorry to hear it came to this.  The signs where there, but we all trust our heart.

please please get a permanent order. This can be a lifetime order.  

Hes a piece of crap for laying his hands on a woman.  Im sure he would feel the same way if it was his daughter.

You know how to contact me - and the shore is a perfect place to unwind.

Stay safe my friend.

Please remember, he can "walk right through that restraining order." You need to change the locks and upgrade them - you have no idea who else might have a key. Get an alarm system and cameras. Gather all of his personal things and give them to Barnancle Buddy, and then block him. You should not be communicating with anyone connected to your STBX. From this point forward, any and all communication goes through your lawyer or law enforcement. And get a lawyer, today if possible.

I am so sorry this happened to you. As I have said, this is not the man you married. It sounds like he is actively using again and that is going to continue to make him dangerous. Please watch out for yourself.

I am so sorry it came to this.  I'm sorry for the hurt he caused.. physically and emotionally.

But, when someone hands you a "gift" like he did.. use it to the fullest extent possible.

First and foremost.. GET A LAWYER!!!!!!!  They can help you navigate the legal side of the restraining order.. and also get you started on that divorce that comes with a super large FAULT on his end... attacking your spouse is pretty good grounds to divorce.. and may be a help when it comes to walking away with a better settlement.

Second, of course follow through on pressing charges 

Third, make your home a fortress.. but understand that under the right circumstances.. none of your protections will stop  him from getting access to you.. whether it be at  home.. at your gym.. at your work.. at a friend's home etc.. 

Fourth,  Consider this a sign that this is no longer a safe place for you to be long term.  Did I sell a lovely 4 acre property with a barn close to home because my EX knew where I lived? yep.. moved an hour commute from my job to a place that didn't suit my horses or me as well.. but was no where near the area where he could find me. (fortunately he has since passed.. )  If you have ever considered relocating.. changing your scenery.. maybe even a new job in a new place.. now is the time to consider that it might be a good option for you.  If you are in a large metro area.. it may mean justmoving within that area somewhere.. but if he continues to be agressive.. I would consider changing jobs as well.. make yourself more difficult to find.

In the end.. while this may not be "him".. because he is under the influence.. it's just as likely it's the real him with the cultural niceties and norms stripped away by the substance he is likely under.

He also is dangerous because he has nothing to lose... and if he does.. well.. his twisted mind doesn't think so.. so he attacked you in your home.. breaking your door down!... for some imagined scenario in his mind.. he felt justified in his actions.. this is too dangerous to risk your life.  

I might also consider going to a battered woman's org to see if there are any resources.. perhaps even legal assistance to divorce him.. now that you have a documented abuse history.. they may be able to assist.  They may also have some other housing options for you temporarily.. if it comes to needing that.

again.. this sucks.. and you didn't ask for any of it.. but it's here to deal with so please be careful and don't fool yourself into thinking he won't repeat this or worse... be prepared.. always.

Oh CLove, I am so so sorry that he hurt you. And so thankful to hear that you're going to be okay. So much good advice here, I won't repeat it. Just wanted to say that you're in my thoughts and I know you'll get through this. There is so much goodness in life and you deserve it all. 

Damn. I'm so sorry that happened. If you were looking for a "sign", that was it. Please, please, please show NO mercy! Do not ever be alone with him, inside or outside, even in public. Prosecute him to the full extent of the law. Use it to your advantage in every way you can. Be DONE with him. And anyone associated with him. Don't trust his friends or family. Lock your doors, block him and his family, maybe get an alarm. Watch your back when out in public and especially when leaving your house/work or coming home. Stay strong!!

Clove, your post reminded me of my own experience.  I could never have dreamed that my handsome, funny, sexy ex could have threatened my life when I wanted to leave.  No need to go thru the details and you've already received good advice.  But, I wanted to say this won't be over soon so don't let down your guard.  I left in August (with 2 little kids, the clothes on our backs and $20).  It wasn't until November when we were in court and he was convicted of assault that it stopped.  In the meantime, I'd been stalked and my son had been kidnapped.  A year and a half later, there was another near-incident involving the kids   

Take care, really take care.

CLove, you have no idea how sorry I am that this happened. Please please please make sure you are constantly aware of your surroundings. My psycho exh violated multiple restraining orders and stalked me constantly. The only breaks I ever had were when he was in jail. As soon as he got out, he stalked me, then attacked me. If you think I'm saying this to scare you, YOU ARE RIGHT. 

Reread what ESMOD wrote. Make your home a fortress. Buy a baseball bat. Keep an empty wine bottle within reach in every single room. No joking. I managed to bean psycho exh square on his knee and cracked the bone. Please please do everything you can to be safe. {{{HUGS}}}

CLove, I am livid and beyond pissed for you.  And worried of course.

Please tell me you have all of the locks re-keyed, a massive security system installed, and bullet proof security/storm doors installed over the entry doors to your home.  Get your CC permit as well, train with a pro, practice, and have a people stopper in your purse and within reach at all times.  If he ever approaches you again, end him and take him out of societies misery.  Not easy to get approved in CA, but I am sure there are support orgs that can facilitate the process for you.

Of course you have provided him with succor, a vehicle, and clothing.  That is your beautiful heart.  I would have put all of his shit in his car, parked it on the curb, soaked it all in gasoline, lit it, then called him to come get his shit.  Okay, maybe I would not light it. Maybe.

Press charges, make damned sure he is prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Hopefully his prior stint in prison will make his next trip one for decades where he can play pick up the soap shower bitch for the lifers.

Please file for divorce asap.  Protect yourself, protect your resources, and eliminate him from your life.

My heart is so shattered over this.  

Please make sure to never discount yourself again by engaging with convicts and tolerating gutter trash that is so beneath you, your pure heart and impeccable character.

Make having to see him behind bars on visitation days at the prison your last lesson to FF and the younger one.  Maybe, they will see that being a toxic criminal POS is not a life. But, I doubt they have the capacity to recognize that lesson while daddy is bawling his criminal eyes out during visitation.  Though I doubt either FF or Princess Do Nothing will bother ever visiting or even writing him a letter.  Daddy in prison cannot be manipulated to bail them out.

End him. Take away his future, take away any chance he ever has of making a life for himself. 

He and barnacle buddy can scrape slime off of the rocks together if they want to survive.

Take care of you.

I haven't been on here in a long time. I gasped when I read your updates, especially this one. I am so sorry and beyond mad for you. You know you don't deserve this, and others gave good advice about changing locks and getting ALL of his things out. But beyond that, I am so sorry that you were in this situation. The only small blessing is, you are one smart cookie- and any doubt you had about ending things (making sure they are done done- because I know exactly what you mean)- has been put to bed. There is nothing to salvage, nothing to wonder about. The nail is in the coffin. It's still devastating of course, and I am sending you all of the care in the world that you are able to navigate this with the least about of hurt possible. 
Also, if you want to drop any deets on this POS Ex-H of yours in a message- we ride at dawn! 

I wanted to add one more thing.

Do NOT trust or let your guard down with your STBEXH's flying monkeys.  His friends are very likely tied up in the same stuff he is indulging in.. they are also not necessarily stable or safe. 

I would reiterate the advice to rekey all locks.  I would not accept any further calls from the barnacle buddy.  Any and all future correspondence (which is his buddy breaking the protection order on his behalf by the way).. is to direct them to your legal representative.

Clove... I know this is all difficult.. you are hurting.. and want to just put your head down and cry.. but please.. make this a reason to use your hurt and anger and get really mad.. mad enough to take action!  You can lick your wounds later.. now is the time to aggressively excise this POS from your life.  There is nothing there for you.  The reality?  this dude used you to get what he wanted.. he got you to help him raise his kids.. he got you to support him.. he got you to be his beck and call.. and in the end.. he continues to try to use you to get some "fresh start".. to go off and bang others while he gets high.

That pisses me off.. should piss YOU off.. he made a fool of you.. he abused you.. he made you question your sanity and he took advantage of your good nature.  Don't let your heart twist this up.. he deserves less than nothing.. and at this point..the only.. only thing that matters is you and keeping yourself safe from him.. and getting away from him permanently.  Do it.

I have a feeling he is going to try to use Barnacle buddy to get through to communicating with you... Even figure out your whereabouts etc so I would definitely cut him and all of his friends off too. He might get desperate when his usual "charm" doesn't get through to you and he then has the realization that this is real and happening and he can't so anything about it. He won't like not being on control.

Don't put anything beneath him. He will probably try to get in contact one way or another. I hope that you have some friends and family to help. 

OMG! I'm so saddened that you went through this. I'm so sorry!

You are such a strong woman!

I have been through this with my ex and I agree with ESMOD about thinking about relocating. I was too afraid to stay in the house that I kicked my ex out of. I found a bottom floor apartment so there was cement under the carpet. I had nothing. I took my purse and walked out when my ex showed up at the house and managed to get in. I lost a lot of money but every penny lost was worth my safety and peace. I was able to take the apartment right away because my new landlady had been through the same thing in her past and she felt sorry for me. She snuck me in without checking my application and references. I had no hydro or electricity yet, so I slept on the floor in the dark and it was the best damn sleep I ever had. It was the first day of the rest of my life. 

A new job might be worth considering but on the other hand, it might be worth talking to someone at your work about your safety. It happens. I've been a civil servant for over three dacades and there has been more than one occasion where a person has had to disclose that they have left a DV situation or an unsafe person. We even have DV leave. It meant that we all had to be extra careful to not disclose any information should someone come in or call and we made sure the person was never alone going anywhere. Yes, it was embarrassing to have to share that but the rest of us rallied around and shared our own stories to show that the people who were in these situations were not alone. Do not hold back on talking to people out of reluctance to share your DV situation. Let people help you. Also, the more people that know the more it takes power from your STBX. 

I don't think I'd have had the strength to go thru with all the unfortunately necessary actions needed to keep my ex away from me if it hadn't been for my parents who I was living with.  They were telling me all the things we posters are telling you 

So,  I'm concerned that you are living alone right now.  Is there any way you could temporarily move in with your parents?

My heart hurts for you CLove. You are a decent human being and deserve so much better than this. 

If you haven't already done so, block all of the brute's friends, acquaintances, and family from all means of contacting you. Change all the locks so you can refuse to answer the door (I wouldn't put it past your STBX to send the barnacle to your home with a key and instructions on what to take). If he so much as puts a foot on your property, call the cops immediately. Please install cameras of a quality that would put a high security prison to shame. Also, make sure your neighbours are fully aware of the situation. If they see anything suspicious,  tell them to call the cops without hesitation. Above all, do not feel embarrassed or ashamed by any of this, you are the victim! Hold your head high.

(((((HUGS)))))

I have nothing to add other than my wish for a speedy and permanent break from your abuser.

Big hugs. 

Early Saturday morning around 1:30 AM I was attacked physically by STBXH pretty badly. He busted down my bedroom door, yelling and shouting and came in, threw me down and throttled me, while hitting me. I screamed and he put his hands on my mouth and nose and pretty much suffocated me.
 

Hope you press charges 

He done effed up ....

He's a narcissistic bum and thinks only of himself.  Protect yourself!