Engaged! Bathroom!
We moved into our house in the spring.
I made it crystal clear that I would not clean the SDs rooms or bathroom.
DP would have to teach them how to do so.
End of summer, bathroom had still NEVER been cleaned. It was disgusting.
I gave DP warning, he didn't do anything about it, so I cleaned it.
In record time because I was so mad.
He was all, "but you didn't give me time to do it, you just did it."
Yes, I did and you DON'T want it to get to that state again or you will regret it DP.
I haven't entered bathroom but one time since (to retrieve an item of mine from SD12) and didn't look around, on purpose.
We had some plumbing work done on their shower yesterday.
I let DP know that he should clean up the bathroom before the plummer arrives.
I get home, DP lets me know shower should be working great now.
I go down, see that the plumbing wasn't done to the level I expected (DP explained that for me later...he should have warned me before I let him know)...and the bathroom was DISGUSTING AGAIN. AGAIN!
Trash all over the floor around the toilet (empty tp rolls, tissues, etc) and under the sink area...there's an ALMOST EMPTY trash can RIGHT THERE. WTF?
The bath isn't too dirty (because it's hardly used) but there's hair EVERYWHERE.
The sink needs to be cleaned, the towels are filthy (wash hands but dry on gross towel...effective).
Came back up in a fury.
Laid into DP...his response? "I'm working on it..."
WTF? "No, DP. You AREN'T."
I get silence back.
"DP, don't you see that it's disgusting? A bathroom needs to be cleaned, it's shared space (for SDs, DP and guests...lucky we haven't had any recently). Shared space needs to be cleaned!"
So this morning, I told him, "If you don't get that bathroom cleaned soon I will handle it myself."
i.e. I WILL hire a housecleaner on HIS dime.
DP, "Ok, ok, we'll take care of it." Reference to he and me!
"DP, *I* will not be cleaning anything! You will take care of it or you will NOT like my reaction...if you think I'm mad now..."
DP, "I will clean it and I'll start teaching the girls how. I am really far behind you in planning you know..."
Me, "Yeah, like YEARS behind." I make no mention of the fact that he's said he'd "teach girls how" I think four times in the past. SD10 has helped ONCE. SD12 refuses.
See, if I didn't have to go in to see what the plummer did, I would have ignored it, but nope, nope, nope. Bathroom is unacceptable. He will clean it. Or I will hire someone to do it.
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sue, i wouldnt say she's
sue, i wouldnt say she's enjoying it so much as maybe feeling validated. (but it's a $#itty kind of validation with dh as the target. trust me, i've done that before too. i felt like an awful wife....) JMHO.
but i totally agree with you about just going ahead and calling a cleaning service!!!! cover knows dh is going to fail, yet again. no point in waiting to rub his nose in it just one more time, as validating as it might feel. just bite the bullet OP and go ahead and do what you know will need to be done anyway.
That's EXACTLY what I'm going
That's EXACTLY what I'm going to do.
I get nothing but aggravation out of it, nothing.
DP is just being lazy, distracted, withdrawn and avoiding it, because HE doesn't want to get SDs mad at him for "having to do something" they don't want to do.
He's got a deadline.
That's the last interaction I'll have with him about the bathroom.
Nope. If he couldn't handle
Nope. If he couldn't handle his kids, I'd be handling them for him in this area. THEY would be in there cleaning and I would inspect. If it's not done to my satisfaction, they start over. House rules.
Time to issue a deadline. If
Time to issue a deadline. If it's not met, don't say anything and hire the maid service. That should make him take you seriously. Sometimes men have to feel the impact on their wallets.
lol my SS13 is so messy the
lol my SS13 is so messy the cleaner refuses to do his room unless he pre cleans. It annoys me too bc he takes an entitled attitude of why should I clean? The cleaner will take care of it? I told him the cleaner was for me, not for him, and I instructed her not to touch his room if it's too messy.
Good question - he uses BOTH
Good question - he uses BOTH bathrooms, depending on if he's using the office or not. The office is across from the household bathroom.
He keeps ours in fairly good order because he knows I'll be on him about it.
I suspect some of the issues with the SDs bath is not only SDs...
1) Yep, I'm done talking with
1) Yep, I'm done talking with DP about it. If bathroom isn't clean by end of month, or before we have guests, we may have dinner guests in two weeks, then I hire a cleaner and he pays.
2) I don't clean SDs rooms or bathroom or DPs office (unless we have guests and it turns into the guest room). I made this very clear to DP before we moved into the house. He agreed to make sure those spaces were taken care of. I clean the shared spaces; kitchen, living, dining, our bedroom, our bath and make sure the mudroom and garage remain fairly organized and reasonably clean. DP does help with this, sometimes when asked, sometimes with reminders. My "don't touch" rooms mostly become disasters because apparently DP doesn't clean unless it's "my areas." To be reasonable, SD10 is pretty neat, her room needs to be cleaned out but it's just 'cause she has too much stuff (i.e. closet doors and room door difficult to open) but it's all neatly organized and clean.
I'm not going to be cleaning the entire house, period.
3) I don't approach SDs directly. That has backfired for me in the past. SDs take it out on me, not accepting my authority, because DP lets them. They have no rules, no chores, no responsibility. DP will, and has, undermined me regarding cleaning requests made of the SDs. If DP doesn't support me, then he gets to do it for them. If it gets to a certain state of grossness (bath currently or bugs/rodents in the house) I will absolutely take it all over and no one will be happy but me.
I guess I am just the bitch
I guess I am just the bitch of the year. As anyone who comes in MY home and trashes one of MY bathrooms is fair game for me to go BAT SHIT APE SHIT on them. I STILL hold a grudge over a woman who made a faux paux 30 years ago. Refused to replace the toilet paper - she managed to find an extra roll but could not go to the trouble to put it on the roller.
But I have to admit that I only have an adult SS who I no longer allow in my home. This is why I never wanted a minor skid. I'd have probably have murdered one of those.
But I still think it is allowable for one (male or female) to go APE SHIT CRAZY on disgusting human beings in one's home.
I don't really like the
I don't really like the concept of withholding sex as a weapon. I like sex too so why punish myself?
But on the other hand I do not want to have sex with someone who is disgusting.
I like this. We have friends
I like this.
We have friends coming over soon and this will be the instigation of a hired house cleaning.
Will be talking with locals about a monthly bathroom cleaning shortly (once a month would be sufficient I think).
I know Sally! I just
I know Sally! I just freaking LOST it.
You and sue are correct. I need to repeat my mantra (don't talk don't talk don't talk) when I feel an overwhelming need to do so, which indicates I should not do so!
Anyway, I'm moving forward with the cleaning person contacts this weekend.
Question: isn't in engaging if I make damned sure that bath is clean or is this that case of MY house MY cleanliness standard since DP doesn't apparently care?
Hire a good looking MALE
Hire a good looking MALE housekeeper to come over.
Nothing lights a fire under a mans ass like the thought of another doing his work.
Yeah right! Not in my
Yeah right!
Not in my area...sigh.
It'll be a nice woman around my age who just needs some cash (I'll be there when they clean to make sure the funds come from DPs account).