Daffylyin….I’m not sure what your “faith” is so I’ll pray for you to the only God I know, which is Jesus Christ….I pray that He places a spiritual hedge of protection around your household that the enemy cannot come in and divide you and your husband against each other because a house divided against itself will not stand. I pray that He grants your husband the wisdom to understand that it is his responsibility to protect you and stand for you and that your marriage is and should be his first priority. I pray that the Lord opens your husband’s eyes so that he can see that when the marriage is truly put first, the other problems can be resolved. One can put one thousand to flight and two can put ten thousand to flight. I pray that the Lord give you the patience to endure and the wisdom to take your concerns to Him in prayer. Ask the Lord to work on your husband’s heart. I’m here to testify that your prayers for him will change him more than anything you say directly to him. I bind anything or anyone that stands to destroy what God has brought together and I pray many blessings, much love and all the PEACE and JOY that the two of you can stand over your marriage!!! Lastly, there is nothing wrong with counseling…it can be such a blessing to get a disinterested third party in on the discussion to help you come to a compromise…I’ve only been married for a year and a half…I know where you are…hang in there!

Daffylyin,
Make sure you take care of yourself first. Whatever happens make sure you do that. Everything else will work itself out. I know that you are really struggling right now and am certain that it's very tough and difficult for you. Try and spend some time with your son because I know that you enjoy doing that. Enjoy that time with him and go out and do some things with him that are peaceful if your SD's are still there and there is a lot of tension and commotion going on. Hopefully, it will give you some peace. Make time to join your husband and SD just for dinner time. That way it wouldn't be too much for you. Only stay within your comfort zone. Go ahead and do the counseling stuff--start by yourself if that's what it takes. This is going to be a long haul and you will have decisions to make later--for now just try and get yourself some peace so that you can make it through a day at a time. We are all behind you. Let us know how things are going.
Regards,
Sweetie

His "total focus" is on the girls?! He doesn't have to throw away the rest of his world to spend quality time with his kids for a couple weeks a year. That's not fair to everyone else who is important in his life. I can understand your pain and frustration with this man. I felt the same way when youngest SD lived with us for a year..and still do when she comes around to visit. I don't know what to say to help make them see the impact their behavior has on the marriage..I haven't found that answer either. My salvation came when she became an adult and moved out. I can tolerate the me, me, me for short periods..... I never really resolved it!

Maybe a 3rd party can help you deal with your own feelings..and hopefully your husband will become involved as well..sometimes hearing "how it is" or "how is should be" is better heard coming from a third party......

Too bad you couldn't go on vacation with your son..for a few weeks..during this time..to relax..he can pick up after HIS kids..hand over money..cook the meals..etc. See just how lazy they really are! That way you could enjoy yourself..laugh instead of cry..and save your son some misery too...have good summer memories . It can be "your family time" with your children as well..

My experience has been that sometimes MEN need to figure it out for themselves rather then being told.. Maybe your husband would do better to "FIGURE IT OUT" by having them wreck the house..and live as sloths all summer..with only him to deal with them. Would he implement CHORES for them then?!

These are things for you to think about...talk to a counselor about. Don't dispair though. They aren't around forever!! If you can get through it..there does come a time..when they get jobs...families of their own .. and don't come live with you ever again!!! If you can get through the rough rapids..there is a big calm pool just down the river......

because we aren't weighed down by the guilt that a father feels when he doesn't see his kids very often. You both are new to this and your husband probably has a ton of guilt he has to acknowledge and let go of. I, for one, am sick of giving up my summers with my own kids to have to take care of kids that aren't my own. It's not that I don't feel sorry for his kids, because of the life that they lead with his psycho X - but I am not their parent and would like to have the opportunity to have a full summer with just my children. I know it sounds terrible and selfish, but you get to the point where you just want a "normal" life. My husband and I had severe issues with his lack of parenting skills last year. I told him that it either changes when they are with us or he takes them elsewhere to stay when they visit. When he had a chance to mentally review things - he said he would change. I was very skeptical and concerned, but...

I am happy to say that he has changed. This summer has gone very differently. My SD isn't so happy about that, but it is more normal for us and my husband and I haven't argued once. It is great. The important thing for you to realize is that your husband is not thinking straight and needs someone (other than you) to tell him that. If you want this to be less stressful - you should demand that he go to counselling with you. Sounds like you are at your wits end and it will only get worse whenever your SDs visit.

Whatever you do, though, do it now. Don't let it fester and become something that you can never get past. It is important that he have a relationship with his kids that complements (not complicates) his marriage and relationship with you.