Mixed feelings about BM.
Recently I have been battling on how to feel about BM. She has never had a problem with me, we have never gotten into any arguments or anything. Infact... everything is perfectly fine between us. But, when it comes to her and my SO, that's when I start getting angry at her. She bitches and complains about SO if he does any little thing wrong. Which makes me mad and hate her at that moment. Or if SO starts complaining about her, how she's doing this and this wrong or what she's not doing. That angers me as well. But when it comes to talking to her and being civil... everything is perfectly fine. I honestly keep quiet about anything I have to say about her to her face. She is very friendly to me. She told me one day "You aren't the one I have the problem with, it's him".
She's asked if I ever want to go spend time with the kids at her house I can. Or if I need someone to talk to, I can call her. But... I'm confused on how to feel about it. In a way, I'm happy that she is offering and being friendly about it, but in others... she just pisses me off so much sometimes.
My mother was married to a man who had a daughter. And she became the best of friends with his ex wife. It was good, and healthy, at least I thought it was. I was a child. I thought it was normal for people to do that.
I feel in a way that I want to have a relationship with BM but not to the point we are best of friends, because ultimately... I know if she could use something against me, she would.
What do you guys think? Has this happen to you and how did you go about dealing with those feelings? And what was the outcome? Did you become friends? Or decide to keep it civil to talk when needed.
- .Em.'s blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
The BM I deal with extended
The BM I deal with extended the same 'courtesies' to me when we first met, she wanted to be "friends", said it'll be good for SD etcetc, and I agreed.
Our first hour and a half coffee session.. it became very apparent to me that she wanted to use me to get to SO! SO was planning on taking SD out of town that coming w/e and BM wanted me to help her convince SO that it wasn't a good idea, BM's words "As a mother, surely you understand where I'm coming from, SO is a man and I just don't think he gets these things like you and I do"
I think it's awesome if BM's and SM's can get along, my BS has a friend whose BM and SM have become great friends, BUT, given your story... i would tread with caution! Her issues may be with your DH for now, but one day you might get pulled into it.
BM tried a few other issues on me, got mad at me cause I wasn't on her side, then told me over the phone she didn't want my boys around her DD cause "who knows what they'll do to my little girl"... yeah, so much for "friendship"!
BM and I were friendly in the
BM and I were friendly in the beginning. We even shared some meals all together with the kids. That was until she started taking advantage of me. And the final straw was a birthday dinner for SS at my house where she got up in my kitchen like she owned it, started helping FDH cook, sharing stories from when they were married and that was it for me. She was only being friendly to get FDH and me to do what she wanted. Crazy selfish bitch and I don't speak now.
The only reason I would,
The only reason I would, would only be for the skids. I honestly think I wouldn't be able to have a friendship with this woman. It's too awkward.
I don't think my SO would care, but I know how he feels about her.
By the sounds of it... you
By the sounds of it... you all have had the similar problem. Being taken advantage of.
This has made my decision of dealing with her a lot easier. Thanks ladies!
Well put Pinata... just a co-worker.
Yes, I completely agree with
Yes, I completely agree with the people who are saying "be friendly, but not friends." That is exactly where I stand with the BM in my life...and I actually should be mean to her and hateful considering the horrible stunt she pulled about six months ago now (false sexual assault allegation to DSS to try and gain more custody). At the moment I will exchange just a few texts with her regarding drop off/pick up arrangements and once and a while she will send a picture of SD4 when it is her time. I do not send pictures to her. I keep it light, airy, concise,and always use my manners. Taking the high road is important and God does command me to Love. However, will we ever be fb friends? Will I ever "hang out" with her? Will we ever get coffee together?? Hell no. She lost that privelage a long time ago.