It does sound to an extent that your body kind of "self sabotages" you.. perhaps unconsciously your brain wants to give you an "excuse".. you are worried you aren't really capable or deserving of the "good thing".. so your body gives you an "easy excuse" at why it didn't work out well.

Not sure if the episodes have reflected in your out put/performance.. but it could lead to situations where you have been passed over.

I also can speak from experience that sometimes the ONLY way to change a situation is to put yourself in a different one.

I have been with my current company for almost 25 years, but the first role I had was in a completely different area where I came in to a group from outside the company"pre-resented" because they thought another person in the group should have gotten my role.  They were unhelpful, would not train me etc.. Then about a year or so in, we got a new manager.. who was the son of one of our (at the time) board members.  I tried to be helpful.. but he took it as me trying to tell him how to do his job and coupled with a department that mostly didn't care for me.. I was toast.. it bled out to other tangent groups and I actually thought I was going to be let go.. and they switched my responsible area to one where one of my only ally coworkers was failing.. I was sure they were setting me up.  But.. lo and behold.. new area loved me.. but I still had "issues" within my own department.. so was desperate to apply for other internal jobs. (really did not want to have to leave given we have pensions and good schedule benefits)  I kept applying for jobs I was qualified for.. that were fairly close to my current role and dept.

No one would take me on.

So, in a hail mary, I applied for a role that was in a completely different area... not in acctg/finance.. in an engineering group in a role I had never done.. in a generation area I had zero idea about.

I got the job.  It's been almost 20 years in this new dept... and while my upward mobility was a bit limited due to the fact that I'm not an engineer.. I love the role.. I love my coworkers.. etc..

I had to get out and away from that other area... they were toxic and the "stench of resentment and notion that i wasn't doing much.." just would not leave me in that old role. (I was overjoyed to hear they were struggling to get my tasks done after I left.. they figured out.. Oh.. yeah.. she WAS working hard and getting lots done.. I just was really efficient.

I fear that just the HH change isn't going to be enough to fix the decade plus of problems you have faced there.

"Pre-resented." Yeah, i get that. I had been feeling some coldness from one of my supervisors at this new job, and it turns out i wasn't her first choice. I was everyone else who had a say's first choice, though, and got the job. And damnit, i love this job! I'm either going to have to win her over or wait her out. People in her position usually only stay a few years.

But back to Evil's issue. Yeah, it might be best to take the leap and make a major change. You'll never fit a square peg into a round hole, no matter how long you hammer. I get migraines, too, worsened by stress. More days than not, and it's a horrible curse to have to live with. Sometimes i'm even afraid to go out and do things out of fear that i'll get one and won't be able to find somewhere to lie down.

I found that in this new job, i have fewer than at my last.  The new one is just all around physically and emotionally different from the last. I have as much stress but it's just, well, different stress. I'm excited about the work i'm doing. It was a big, stressful leap, too. The inertia i felt at my previous job was very hard to overcome. But like with relationships, sometimes you just know when the right thing to do is leave and make a change. If you look around, you may find something that is just too promising to pass up. The "cure" to your problem might be a change of scenery. 

I just got the book "13 Thing mentally strong women DON'T do.  First chapter touched on this.  It's a real thing.  Have you looked into Somatic yoga?  I haven't dove  too deep in it yet but it relates trauma to pain somehow.  
 

I also bought a book on Senior Sociapaths (Montgomery) and that one I can't put down. It's remarkable how many people report health issues after living with a sociopath.  Not saying you have but steplife can be similarly stressful.   
 

I offer these things to explore as you try to figure this all out.  

Age discrimination is alive and well.  I know.

Have you read "The Body Keeps The Score?" I think it would be helpful if you haven't read it.

I believe you may be suffering from "Imposter Syndrome" and as you get close to your dreams/goals, your body remembers trauma from childhood and the tapes in your head keep telling you you're not good enough.

You may want to explore some treatments conventional and unconventional that may help you have a breakthrough. I have friends who have tried EMDR, CBT and........unconventionally, magic mushrooms. There are places that offer monitored sessions on psilocybin. I have a good friend who used psilocybin and he claims it helped him to see things clearly because he was able to see things without the filter of his traumas and it changed his life. He will have a session with a monitor once every year or two, but he says the first couple of sessions were game changers. I know that not everyone is comfortable with that and there might be issues if you work for a company that does drug testing or forbids psychedelic drug use, but, at some point, you may want to consider it.

I guess the trick is to figure out what it would mean if you finally got everything you were striving for and dreamed of? What would that say about you? Who would be on your heels to tell you that you still "suck"? Would the voice in your head tell you that you're a fraud? Would you draw too much attention and be under attack? Is it safer to fly below the radar filled with resentment over what could have been?

I did not finish undergrad until I was 30.  I was a year from my BA in economics and started applying for roles outside of the company I had founded when I was 21 with several partners.  The best offer I got was as a bank teller with a stated path to loan officer after I graduated.  I was running a $Million+ revenue company where I had grown the business from a net loss position to a profit position while growing revenue by 30% over 5yrs.  

As I progressed in changing majors to Engineering and knocking out the coursework to finish my BS my frustrations grew as I was applying for roles that whole time.  My experience was discounted, I did not yet have my degree though I had the 3-5yrs of experience in lieu of a degree that most roles state.  Interestingly when my class was on the glide slope to graduation I started interviewing actively with my class. I frequently was pulled from entry level interviews and plugged into interviewing for more Sr. roles.  I ended up taking an entry level engineering role rather than a Supervisory level role. I wanted to build a resume for a career in high performance STEM related companies. I accomplished that.

Meanwhile back at the ranch and 31yrs later (next month) I have had a great career though not without frustration. I am the one that gets asked and tasked with either starting new organizations or recovering struggling organizations that are failing. I do that very well. The frustration is that I am not the one that is tasked with running those organizations once I create them or recover and optimize their performance.  Interestingly, not infrequently organizations I have optimized in my career will call periodically asking if I will return and save those same organizations when the leaders that are chosen to run them fail to maintain the foundational practices that built the organizational success. I entertain those offers but required that I get the long term leadership role running those organizations. Something the company does not agree with.

On that level, I understand the frustration that you are running into Evil4.  Part of my  problem is clear to me and I am sure obvious to many here in STalk.  I am a black and white thinker. I innovate, I improve, and I optimize.  I do not tolerate the gray of being a hindrance to the continually optimized success of the organization.  If I had a proven history of the group hug in conjunction with the organizational, profit, and asset performance optimization that I deliver, I likely would be a C-Suite performer.  I am not and likely won't make that level.  I understand why.  I am also over confident.  Something my own father has told me repeatedly throughout my life.  I love what I do. Though what I do seems to have a built in ceiling.  One I keep banging my head against.

I have interviewed at the Executive level any number of times. I lay out the solutions they ask me for, I engage with the exec teams regularly, I get a ton of recognition for delivering, and .... invariably someone with zero or nearly zero knowledge or experience in what I do gets the promotion.  Once that happens, my days are numbered.  So, I generally keep my job search active all of the time.  Only twice have I left a company. Once with no notice when I got a take it now or forever hold silent opportunity that my boss knew I had on the table. When I told him I had to refuse my raise, please distribute it to my peers, and that was my last day, my boss asked me to take him with me.  The second time I left a company was when I had to shut down my JV business due to a merger. After that the company I had been with for more than 10yrs through 3 major promotions  had no idea what to do with me. After transitioning the JV company I created, ran, and grew to the newly acquired wholly owned subsidiary, I had 5 different bosses in 2wks.  A competitor had been courting me for a couple of years and made me the proverbial offer I could not refuse so I took it.  I was with them for 2.5 years when yet again my business went away due to a merger when the business I was running was sold.  

Since then I have done 2+ years of independent consulting, and have been with 3 different companies. One for a year, one for 2yrs, and most recently one for 3mos when my role was eliminated.  All three of those direct hire roles have been at a level I was in a decade or more prior.  That drives me nuts.

I get the frustration. I intend to work for another 5-7 years but I am not willing to go backwards. So most likely, I am done.  We reached our retirement asset goals mid year of 2023. The problem is that we hit that goal half a dozen years early and that number is not enough to provide for our retirement for the rest of my life and the rest of DW's life. She is 12yrs younger. So, I am at the point where I am waffling between retiring and taking SS early, or play the "pick me!" job hunt game.  I have just more than a year before I can take SS though that will be a significantly lower income level than if I work until I reach full SS age.  The big limiter is medical insurance.  Until I reach Medicare qualifying age we have to provide our own either through employer sponsored coverage or ACA coverage which is only affordable for those with little to no income.  So for ACA to be affordable we have to fully retire, earn nothing, and live only off of cash assets not subject to taxes.  I am blessed that DW's career has evolved to be highly compensated, highly stable, and she is kicking ass.  So, I will be house hubby until the right opportunity arises for me.

Others have mentioned Impostor Syndrome.  That makes logical sense to me regarding the physical aversion that you develop to advancement and change opportunities. I do not have that problem but I can imagine how frustrating that is for you.  

You may want to consider a complete change of industry or agency in public service.  Even it it is lateral.  A complete change of environment where you can perform to your ability and build credibility with a completely new team.  I have only changed companies of my own accord twice. I do not regret either of those.

An interesting comparison is that my brother and I finished undergrad together and went to work for the same company in the same role.  That company hired 80% of our graduating class from engineering school. My brother and I matched each other promotion for promotion for 6yrs. Then I was asked to take over a failing engineering team.  I loved that job and turned it into a $1Billion business.  He promoted when the boss we had shared before my transfer advanced.  Two years after I transferred I got RIFd in a huge industry downturn when the company decided to break up my business and move elements of it back into the product divisions.  One of those divisions was being run by my brother.   He remained with the company for another 12yrs and reached Sr. VP level.  Since then he has run two competitor companies and is COO of his current company.  I am exceptionally proud of my little brother. I do not envy him one bit. Pride is my heart felt feelings.  Interestingly, he is miserable and has been for more than 20 years.  He has on many occassions called to discuss what I am doing and has wished he had made different choices.  He says that he has been doing exactly the same job for decades. When his bosses leavesor promote, he promoted.  He envies that I have done a ton of different things, in many industries, in many places.  He misses the adventure, I miss the stability.

Just a juxtaposition between a stratospheric high flier and a dynamic change and adventure driven solid though comparatively moderate performer.

I have no regrets on anything I have done or not done. Things that frustrate me have been beyond my influence.  The current one I cannot change, is age-ism.  At 60 I am not nearly as appealing as a candidate as I was when I was younger.  Which I will bang my head on until we decide to retire. Together.

Consider a look at what you enjoy doing and focusing on pursuing that rather than focusing on what frustrates you.  One thing I am exceptionally proud of is that many people I have mentored and developed professionally have done extremely well.  Those include people who look like me, and people who look nothing life me. People with a similar background, and people with a unique and largely different journey in their backgrounds and careers.

Find your joy and give yourself the gift of embracing that.  Some things you can't fix. I have pounded my head against several of those walls for a long time.  The blessing is that I have been able to go around those walls and engage in things I am passionate about. Until I run into the next wall anyway.

Take care of you,