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DH is leaving (part 2)

Felicity0224's picture

Thank you all for your advice and encouragement on my previous blog. Some of it was hard to hear. But I appreciate it and I'm taking a lot of it into consideration. 

I know that I can't allow DH to continue to walk all over me. When I make a list of everything I've done for him, for our relationship, and for our family, and compare it the efforts that he has put in, it doesn't even come close. My best friend's husband told me yesterday, "it's very simple. You married the wrong person. It's not a reflection on you, you made the best decisions you could with the information you had at the time. But now you know better and it's time to take what you've learned and move ahead." I broke down in tears when he said that because it was exactly what I needed to hear.

I'm still hoping for a collaborative divorce. I don't want to burn him down in court or ruin his life. He is my DD's father and she adores him. And my SDs' too; despite everything I do really love them. Not to mention that we own the businesses together and I refuse to let years of our work go down the drain in the name of vengeance. If we can continue to work together effectively, the kids and I will be well provided for. Someone on the previous blog asked what the trigger could have been three years ago. We truly were very happy up until that point (BM and SD drama aside). It coincides with the time that our first business started taking off, which resulted in him traveling over 300 days a year. Since then the pace hasn't slowed down, and I firmly believe that this is at the root of what tore us apart. Maybe it's weird for me to want to protect the thing that led us to this point, but I guess I just don't want it all to be for nothing.

Comments

ndc's picture

"it's very simple. You married the wrong person. It's not a reflection on you, you made the best decisions you could with the information you had at the time. But now you know better and it's time to take what you've learned and move ahead." 

Your friend's husband is very insightful.  I hope you are able to get everything worked out amicably with the business intact and thriving.

 

advice.only2's picture

Divorce is never easy and sometimes even when you want to play nice and fair it turns nasty! I was married for maybe five minutes, just long enough to get pregnant and realize he was an abusive jerk and leave.

I figured we would have a simple divorce since we owned nothing together and would just have to work out custody. Oh hell no, he got a cut throat lawyer who demanded all of my income and earnings from 10 years back! I was 23 at the time. I asked my lawyer if I had to get bank statements from when I was 13? It took us 1 mediation to come up with a custody agreement and almost a year to finally finalize the divorce, no reason other than my ex was a dick and so was his lawyer.