Self harm- any advice?
So I had an epiphany just now. I just saw SD post something on her TikTok page about being clean or people being clean. Now I immediately thought 'ok strange she's posting about people being drug free'. This girl is 10 and a very young 10. Then the last post was about being clean again and a reference to cutting themselves.
I have noticed SD wears a lot of hair ties on her wrist enough to make it look like a wrist band. She was about to run out the door and I asked her why so many and she was like '.. um I don't know.' Now I'm thinking, ugh oh dear is she cutting herself and those bands are hiding it?
Is this a cry for attention? I have to do the right thing and tell DH and tell him to check her wrists and see if she is doing any self harm. SS cut his wrist in class with a pair of scissors when his 11 year old gf 'broke up' with him and DH had to pick him up from school. He hasn't shown any signs of doing anything again but SD definitely does now. I don't want this behaviour around my children.. so I might tell DH he may need to get SD some serious mental health support. Maybe even call allied health community phone lines and ask their advice on how to tackle this as he has no control to monitor it at all either.
Can anyone else give advice that has experienced this behaviour with skids before? I can't even be certain if SD is actually wanting to die, but I don't take these actions lightly and I think DH needs to intervene.
He is away working at the moment and the skids are at BMs. We are about to have them custody every second weekend.
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Could be. Better to err on
Could be. Better to err on the side of safety ....
Anonymous call to CPS
Anonymous call to CPS reporting the likely cutting. Lather.... rinse.... repeat.
Hair ties are dangerous as hell regarding direct contact with an open injury. Hair ties are nasty AF and carry any number of nasty microbes that can do nasty things if they infect an open wound.
Not hair tie related, however, I have had 4 episodes of cellulitis over the past 10yrs. That is not anything anyone wants. It can be incredibly painful and dangerous.
If you do not want to call CPS directly, invoke some mandatory reporters. The school nurse, etc..... Anonymously if that is more comfortable for you.
Dad needs to monitor his
Dad needs to monitor his child's social media.. period.. why does he not do that??? She is 10.. there is no way he should not know about this. You shouldn't have to tell him.
It could be a cry for help.. or attention.. or a bit of both. Clearly seeing her older brother do something like that could make her see it got attention.. and kids often act out to get sympathy.
And.. while I hate being that "old person".. (not a boomer.. but still).. I think that many young people have gone so far into "leaning into mental illness".. that it has almost gotten to a point where they think it's normal and cool to have something wrong with them.. (side benefit.. no accountability.. because my.. illlllnessssss). Maybe that's part of it too.. people want somethign to blame for their lfe not being perfect.
Agree with...
.... your statement: "many young people have gone so far into "leaning into mental illness" - Sooooo on point!!
I've seen my SS's get away with crap because the BPs blame it on mental illness like depression, social anxiety. But next time i hear things about them, SSs are partying, drinking, failing college, traveling with buddies... so much for depression and social anxiety
IMHO the overwhelming
IMHO the overwhelming majority of the upswell in "mental illness", syndromes, and disorders is bullshit. It is a perfect storm of accountability averse young people, shit parents, and a burgeoning pseudo science self justifying industry of "therapists" that cannot deliver anything productive due to their chosen area of marginallty legitimate study.
Those with legitimate issues and those who perform actual service should be given every prop and support. The ones just collecting fees, making shit up to get published, and those adopting the mantle of the disorder of the moment because they are shit spawn or crap parents who need an escuse to hide behind... meh.
History supports this premise. The number of young people with severe issues was so insignificant as to be little more than an anomaly when parents raised viable adults instead of coddling hurt fee fee spe-cial little shits. This tidal wave of idiocy started when the enlightened progeny of those breeding in the early to mid baby boom hit the adult market in the 60s, 70s, and early 80s.
IMHO of course.
The solution is simple and direct. Instead of giving a shit about how these types feel, or the excuse of the moment, focus on what they do. That can be addressed. How they feel... is nothing but a choice. They need to make viable behavioral and performance choices or suffer accordingly. Suffer or excel. A pretty binary situation.
Dealt with this.
I dealt with this with my SD- she was 11 at the time.
In her particular case, it couldn't be more clear that it was 100% for attention. The way she went about it, the cut itself, the way she went to school telling all her friends about it, her timing, everything.
In my SD's case, it was at a point that we were dealing with a lot of stuff with my mom's health and when she got diagnosed with her cancer and was about to get surgery and not everyone's attention was on SD 24/7 and she just could NOT handle that so she had to find something big and shocking to point all eyes back at her.
She then proceeded to go to school the next day showing off her cut and telling everyone about it and even told a girl to tell the teacher. They ended up calling my husband to report it to him. He got her in therapy but that didn't last, and neither did the cutting. It was just a stunt that got all attention on her for a little bit then it turned into a new thing about "being bi-sexual" and so on and so forth....
I think a lot of kids these days thrive on having some kind of mental illness because it makes them feel "special and different" or "grown up."
Of course every case is different and therapy would benefit her either way, whether this is a serious issue or just for attention, there's clearly something she's missing. Best to get her help even if it's just to get her over this hump.
Hope this insight helps a little.
In my experience...
Better be safe than sorry. One of my SS starting talking alot about drugs once around 16, and seemed to be an expert on pot... I asked my SO why was that SS's favorite topic at the time... SO dismissed my question and said that SS was a very naturally curios boy and loved to research... MY ARSE!! a few months later, when SO was going through a rough patch with cancer treatments, SS decided to break the news that he was a pot user and had been for months!! SO was in shock!!
So whenever kids start talking about things that are not normal for their age.. better check... but Disney Parents won't accept SP warnings... so good luck with that.
Teen books
that deal with cutting are weirdly seductive. The description of the sense of relief that occurs when the blood starts oozing is actually enticing. But I also know that the teens - almost always girls - who talk about it aren't the ones who are actually doing it, at least in most cases. I
What ever the reasoning
What ever the reasoning behind it she needs therapy. I don't think it is worth trying to work out why she is doing it (if she is).
If she feels so strongly that she needs attention that she'd cut herself (especially at 10 years old - very young for this) then she needs help to deal with her need for attention. If she's doing it out of depression/anxiety or whatever else then obviously she needs professional help.
Even if she isn't cutting and her posts are the cry for attention I think she should be talking to a professional.
10 is really young for this kind of thing.