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OT: Married names...thoughts?

FreeNHappy's picture

Hey All!

I have a fairly trivial question for y'all. What do you guys think of taking your husbands last name when you get married? I gave up my maiden name with my first marriage and was so happy to go back to it after my divorce (I love my last name!). It just fits me and it always felt a little weird to have my ex's last name and a lot of people just ignored that I was married and called me by my maiden name anyway. So, i'm engaged now and trying to decide whether to take my fiance's name, hyphenate, or just keep my maiden name? I feel really torn because I would love to share the same last name and it seems like it's another aspect of marriage that increases your bond, I like my fiance's last name a lot, would consider hyphen-ating it, but also love my maiden name! Gah! I can't make up my mind! Any thoughts?

Comments

12yrstepmonster's picture

I took my maiden name back after my divorce. I regret not keeping it after I remarried. My maiden name is me.....why should I have to change and be someone else?

I have been thinking of divorce. The only light in that thought is taking my maiden name back.

Ultimately you need to do what you are comfortable with.

Lalena75's picture

I think to each their own. I took my ex's name when we married to honor our marriage and commitment as a couple (what a joke as I'm the only one that honored those vows) I kept my married last name because of the kids, and if I ever remarry I will take my husbands name and hyphenate (again still want to have my kids surname and honor my marriage). My SIL kept her maiden name as she felt she was no ones property and the rule of taking a husbands name is barbaric, my sister kept her maiden name cause she felt like it and didn't want the hassle of changing it in both her marriages. My mom took her husbands last name and her last divorce kept my ex stepdads name she was tired of changing it (after 4 marriages I'm glad she stopped getting married) Everyone has their reasons you have to do what feel right for you it's an individual choice.

isthisforme123's picture

I've been thinking about this one with my FDH too. BM took back her maiden name, though skids friends still refer to her as Mrs. FDH. That's to be expected though, as I always called my friends' parents Mr or Mrs whatever my friends' last names were. My DD14 has my last (maiden) name, not her father's, as we were never married and he wasn't so much in the picture. I don't want to take my FDH's name and have her "stranded," so to speak, with neither of her parents sharing her last name. So I my options are simply keeping my last name, hyphenating, or going informally by both names. I don't think it matters, you just need to choose whatever option works best for your situation.

thefunmommy's picture

My mom kept her maiden name when she was married to my dad. She had professional reasons to do so. With my stepdad she has casually hyphenated her name. She keeps her maiden name for her kids at school, but hyphenates it when doing casual correspondence. I don't know if she legally changed it or not.

alwaysanxious's picture

When I was married to my late husband, I kept my last name. I am not very traditional, plus with my career, I wanted to keep the same name I've always had. I guess I just never understood the need to change it.

IF I ever get married again, I will not change it either. Plus its just too much of a pain and hassle to switch back and forth.

Shaman29's picture

I think it's a personal decision you have to make. I too took my maiden name back after I divorced ex-A-Hole. I hated my married name and I love my maiden name. I had been single for 15 years when I met DH and when we got married, I explained that I wanted to keep my name the same. I needed my own identity. He didn't have a problem with it at all (please keep in mind I was 40 when we got married).

However every f**king person in my family and my boss at the time got their panties in a twist over the fact I didn't change my last name. Up until a year ago my youngest sister and her family would send mail to Mr. & Mrs. X. I put a stop to that by taking a pic of the Christmas card she sent to us and texting it to her with this message - MY LAST NAME IS X! If you send any more mail to me that is not addressed properly I will return it to sender. ARE WE CLEAR ON THIS??

My boss was the worst, actually started an argument with me at work over it telling me it was IMPROPER. I told her it was none of her damn business and to butt out of my personal life.

So yes...the choice is yours to make but understand you will come up against some opposition if you do keep your maiden name. And you don't have to defend your decision either, if someone asks you why you kept your last name simply say "Because I wanted to." and leave it at that. Smile

FreeNHappy's picture

Thanks for the thoughts!! You guys all have excellent points! Will have to mull this one over a bit more... Smile

StarStuff's picture

I plan on taking FDH's surname when we marry and then moving my maiden name to my middle name. I really love my last name and don't want to lose it completely! I've also heard of women who keep their maiden name professionally but then use their husband's last name socially. There are plenty of options out there, so do what suits you best!

ThatGirl's picture

I do not want to have the same last name as the skids, or their mother. I did not go back to my maiden name after my divorce, either. I was married at 19 and divorced 13 years later. This has been my name my entire adult life. My adult sons have the same name. I see no reason to change it now.

FreeNHappy's picture

Using the maiden name as a middle name is a great idea!! Thanks! I actually really like the way it sounds, so that is a top runner for me right now. Awesome! Smile