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Ah...and DH is finally getting to experience his kids full force

halo1998's picture

so...since Halo has realized that she was a door mat for the last freaking 15 years....and is no longer that door mat.  DH has had to step up and take care of his kid himelf.  Favorite line..not my circus not my monkey.

So in the last 48 hours..DH got to experience SD's lack of planning and went to the wrong restaurant to drop off SD and then had to back track and go to the right restaurant.  He missed part of the football game he wanted to watch. Ha...this scenario has happened multiple time to SD doesn't get details or the correct details and we end up running around city.  Then there was the other night when SD needed a ride to her sleepover.  DH was tired and didn't feel the best so he tried in vain to get me to take her.  The guilt was high people...and even DD commented boy he really tried to get you to take her.  That was a no.......Halo stayed at home an enjoyed her conversation with DD and DS. 


On today....SD's wellness and med check.  SD has decided she no longer needs her ADD medication.  Dh, who is tired of fighting aoub this topic, told her it, don't take it.  You choose and you suffer the consequences.  So today at the appointment SD goes on and on about how stressed she is because she is having trouble in school, especially with the AP class she is taking, and how she isn't sleeping etc.  All new to DH..since for the most part....SD isn't sleeping because she is on her phone either talking or making tik tok videos, etc. The ap class...this is the one I flat out said..I don't think she is going to do well in this class, SD is failing. SD cannot think analytically and is not able to apply knowledge to situations.  Read and recite..yep she can do that....actually apply knowledge..nope.  Hate to say I told you so...BUT I TOLD YOU DH.

DH is now comming to the conclusion that SD is not on her way to becoming an adult.  She isn't doing well in school, college seems like a pipe drean and SD won't get her license.  DH is realizing..oh shiznit...SD will not be adulting....and he will be stuck with her.  Not Halo..DH.  DH is now panicing. DH asked how do you think your going to get to classes and work after you graduate high school.  SD got a deer in the headlight look and said...I don't  DH said..what about your mom?  SD said oh no she won't do that..its all about her and she won't drive.  I had to point out to know SD says that shiznit so that you will continue to enable her don't you?  She throws her mom under the bus and you go all out to be sure your NOT like her mother.  He sheepishly admited to oh...shiznit...I think your right.


BAWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.......yep DH that will be YOU with SD...BECAUSE IT WILL NOT BE ME.  I am watching DH's stress and anxiety go up by 100 fold because he can no longer put all this on me....and he has been told by our counselor...nope not my problem.  I'm here to help, if I WANT TO, I don't have too and its certainly not my problems.  In some ways..its gratifying to me to watch DH try and manage the stress of this since I have been doing it for the last 15 years for him while he check out.  He can't use me to do the dirty work and escape to his "games" anymore.

So...the next 18 months till SD is supposed to graduate should prove to be very very interesting.


Survivingstephell's picture

This is great!   Do keep us informed on his struggles and don't forget the detail of what you do during these times.  I think most struggle with just watching in the beginning of disengagement and learning how others make the adjustment is a great teaching tool.  

halo1998's picture

and respond with oh..Dh so sorry to hear that. yep that sucks and other what not.

As far the guilt...hmmmm...sorry yep it does suck when you don't feel good.  I watch as he become anxious and stressed out.

CLove's picture

Im only 1 month behind you until graduation Biggrin

This weekend, finding out that SD SMPS had "something" planned, I skedaddled out of there (no more drop offs) but he caught me off guard when he called me at my event and asked if I could pick her up "on my way home" not knowing that he WASNT at home and if you cut HIS event off short, he could also pick her up on the way home. At least yours has a job. SD16 SMPS has no job and doesnt seem like shes actually even looking. And no permit is in the works...

Getting out the popcorn...

halo1998's picture

"shruggs shoulders"...just means no worries over car and insurance costs.

DH is now getting the hint at..don't even ask me to drive SD...its his Monkey.

JRI's picture

My SD61 is "challenged" about directions, too.  Back when I was more engaged, I'd go to doctor appointments with her.  Many wrong appointment dates or times, many wrong directions.  One time, I drove about 30 miles on an interstate before I pulled over and called the doctor's office myself for accurate directions.  I learned to call ahead to verify date, time and location.  But, no more.  It's DH85's problem now, when he chooses to go which is less and less as he ages.

The_Upgrade's picture

It's a real shame SD has been failed by both parents in their own way. My BIL was diagnosed with ADHD 3 years into their marriage. Suddenly everything made sense. Why he kept on forgetting his keys, why simple step by step instructions kept on getting muddled up in his head, why he struggled to stay awake without 6 cups of coffee, why his common sense was absolutely lacking at times. Got the diagnosis, got medication and he's slowly working on coping mechanisms but it's hard when you start addressing it at age 30. And he's trying. 

When my nephew was born my sister was freaking out because autism and ADHD runs in BIL's family. Then she really thought about it and realised it'll be ok. If nephew starts exhibiting signs of ADHD he's going to be given support to manage it before he even goes to kindergarten. He's not going to go undiagnosed or untreated until his teens when it's too late. If you're lucky and DH steps up, SD will be functioning. But she'll never reach the full potential she could have if she was supported properly from a young age. 

caninelover's picture

You're an example of disengagement at it's finest.  Good job.  Pour a second bourbon and let DH lie in the bed he made with poor parenting.

Not your circus, not your monkey!!

mapap's picture

Funny I always say not my circus not my monkeys.  I'm leaving my funny farm as soon as I close on this new house. My SO is going to have to parent all alone. His idea of parenting is letting the kids run the house. And that's exactly what will happen until the crap hits the fan and he actually has to be a parent