My First Blog Here.
DH and I have been married for approx 6 months and although we dated for years before getting married and I have tried over and over to accept SD6. I can't. She is needy, whiney, manipulative, MUST get her way. I am completely over it. She is with us a few times a week and everything is daddy, daddy, daddy. I get it - shes 6, her parents got seperated when she was 2 weeks old. She has never lived with them both to know what its normal and what is abnormal. I am tired of people telling me what step moms are supposed to do. Esp if they have never been in my shoes or the shoes of a SP. For instance, last week DH and I were doing yardwork and SD was here, she really helped out and DH gave her an allowance... well now everytime she has been here since, she demands $$ for cleaning her room, picking up after herself, stuff she should be doing anyway. We put the kabosh on allowance from now on. She constantly leaves her TV on; DH told her the last time she was here, if she does it again, she looses it (this has been an ongoing thing for atleast the last 3 years that she leaves it on for hours). She comes over and only speaks to DH and will ONLY speak with me once I make the effort to talk to her. In the morning, she will come bursting into our room HI DADDY, as I am there next to DH.. NOTHING... NADA...
DH and I have very open communication - and I will tell him when something bothers me (boy did he hear about the TV thing...) - but I am just at my wits end with this kid. I have such resentment towards her - and its not fair, but I cant get over the feeling. If we watch TV all together, she has to try and sit in between him and I on the couch.. among a long list of other things.
When MIL or FIL comes over and SD6 is here, they constantly ask about BM and SD6's new little sister. Ok I get it, they want to see how she is adjusting - but does ALL of DH's family need to be friends with BM on facebook?! Maybe I am just venting uncontrollably, but I honestly CANNOT take it anymore. How do you get through it all as a SM?
HELP!
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How does dad handle this?
I am just wondering what your DH's response is when she ignores her? Does he do the Disneyland Dad thing and brush it off or does he say " honey, I'm glad to see you but it's rude to ignore H.O.H., why don't you say hello"? Does he insist that you are included? I think that's where you need to start. I understand the frustration of SD trying to get between you and DH, but I had mentioned it to him(mine) before he noticed( because of course they can't see unless you point it out). I hope your situation improves. When I am feeling frustrated with my SD, I know that little things tick me off easier, and I may seem unreasonably strict. I sympathize
~~~~I have one good piece of advice...
Don't play leapfrog with a Unicorn~~~~
~~~ @}---{--^-- ~~~
in laws...ugh
yep, mine do the same. in fact mil and bm are now best buds and mil is helping bm go to court to get full custody. i tell you, the woman is satan!
the thing that allows dh and i to get through it though is that dh has no problem putting me first and any family that are so unloyal as to talk to bm, no longer have any thing to do with us. we do not have anything to do with mil, in fact my kids will never refer to mil as grandma, she will be know as dh's mother if she is referred to at all. also, i got a very helpful bit of advice from a member here, and it worked. I deleted dh's cousin because she was friends with bm on myspace, when she realized she wrote me and asked why i ddeleted her. I explained that with how crazy bm has been acting and harrassing us and stalking me on there, that i could in no way have any ties to her and it was just best for dh and i to have nothing more to do with her than we needed to, etc. dh's cousin actually understood and deleted her from her facebook, and told bm that was for her and i.
i really dont get how family can be so tupid as to think its ok to carry on such a friendly relationship with bm, dont they stop to think how they would feel in our shoes!
HeadOverHeels
I'm with you on the obnoxious SD!
My DH and I have been married for a little over a year and dated for three years before that. I have no children of my own unless you count my chocolate lab pup who is nine weeks old.
SD was like three months old when DH and BM split. She's never known the two of them together. She too is constantly DADDY, DADDY, DADDY, DADDY... even when he's taking a leak. He has to direct her on a case by case basis to ak and/or talk to me.
Crayon is probably right - our SDs are most likely getting the PAS run-down from their BMs. "Just ignore SM." "If you need anything, ask you dad." "She's not your parent." You get the deal...
I have finally "broken" my DH of the habit of excommunicating me when it comes to any and all decisions in our household. It took a lot of work and tears, but it's getting better.
What's this about "bursting into our room?" I hope you don't mean bedroom. That has been the biggest problem for us. I cannot stand for her to be in OUR MARITAL BEDROOM. It's my only sanctuary.
She tried to come in my room last weekend when she was with us because her friend was there and they wanted to see the puppy. The two of them just walked into my room! The damn door was shut! I blew a gasket and DH backed me up.
Now said pup and I were napping because I had worked late the night before and had a headache. The pup needed to get away from the SnotNose because she was squealing and screaming in that obnoxious octave that children use when they are playing. The pup can't take it. She freaks out and jumps and bites and becomes a brat herself. I have told SD a million times to speak to the pup in a normal voice, don't put your fingers in her mouth or face, and no running in the house with the pup. Just keep doing ti and she's gonna bite you hard and it's gonna hurt.
The couch squeezing thing is the Oedipus/Electra complex when yong children relate the parent of the opposite sex as theirs in a romantic love way. Maybe that's not quite right but you get my jist. Get her a bean bag and that can be her spot for movie night.
If you ever need a head check with the six year-old SD stuff, let me know!