I've disengaged with SS (long distance so much easier than for a lot of you). 

After graduation last year and the last several years of trying to teach him about relationships and how that take effort on both parts, ( I mean for him and his dad not me). I just gave up caring and trying to help them foster their relationship especially once he turned 18. I didn't text Happy Bday messages, Christmas messages, etc. I had reminded him earlier in the year last year that his dad's bday was that day and low and behold he did text his dad. This year I said I'm gonna shut up and even if it hurts DH he is going to see his kid and his lack of interest. 

My DH to be honest is fully aware. Despite our best efforts all these years this kid is just lost it seems. All the effort is one way, DH to SS. Any calls, FaceTimes, Texts are initiated by DH. SS is NOT social AT ALL. No life, no friends. Work, school, Discord. Rinse and Repeat. Day after Day - year after year.

When we were in his State earlier this Summer for Wedding, he even blew off the last night having dinner. Not knowing or having any plans on the books to see DH in the future. It had been a year since graduation and grad trip he and DH did since seeing each other in person. 

So this year DH bday rolled around and it was so hard but I didn't say a thing. To SS credit he did text his dad all on his own. 

Then SS bday came up and I sat on my hands all day long. DH had worked some screwed up hours at work out of the norm and honestly didn't know what day it was (overnights mixed with day shifts). Very late say 9pm I finally couldn't stand it and told DH not to be upset that he had been having a rough week but that he needed to call/text his kid. He asked why and when I told him it was the kid's bday he was so embarassed and shocked that he hadn't realized it. 

They discussed what he wanted for his Bday and of course CASH is King and DH said one of the cash transfer apps was probably the easiest way and confirmed the kid had that method. He did becuase that is what DH did last year too (with no thank you by the way).

AGAIN this year NO Thank you or even confimration of being received. So when DH spoke to him yesterday he waited all the way to the end of the convo and then asked if he had received it. Spoiler Alert he had and left it at that....no thank you...at first. Finally a begruding one when DH said well it would be nice if you let the person know sending you a gift. 

Their convos are so freaking painful. I'm disengaged but can hear it and wanna bash my head in a wall, as does DH. Last night it really perturbed him when he hung up. 

I guess I'm just venting. DH said out loud for the 1st time last night, the kid is lost. It doesn't seem like there is anything DH can do to break him free. He has no interest in doing anything. My initial gut reaction was to suggest a trip - DH said whats the point he didn't even want to do dinner in June. Why waste the money  to go up there when he could care less. Nothing ever changes. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad there is no drama - but this sucks too. Just a different flavor of suck. I only care about DH and that is where I know he is a grown adult but wish there was a way to help.