We had a similar situation about 4 years ago. BM demanded, on a Sunday drop off, that DH get the forms notarized (or whatever) THAT DAY (on a Sunday, remember?) so SD could to to Canada with her parents. DH didn't, of course, and the witch took him to court. 

They were in the middle of a custody battle and BM was especially difficult so DH played the "I think she may flee with SD" card. BM's parents do own a cabin out there so it was a legitimate fear. The judge overruled DH, of course, but my point is, I feel your pain. She couldn't have asked nicely for him to do this weeks ago? Or she couldn't have sent a simple text or email and waited until later in the evening or tomorrow? Unreal, I tell you.

I am officially an old lady (70s).  One of the things that I love about being old is that I can remove most of my self imposed filters.  And I now realize I could have done this long ago.

So my advice is that if your ILs are aholes this weekend just tell them (calmly) that you do not listen to people who refuse to act rationally.  And then do not say another word to them.

What works best for me is refuting aholey drama lies with absolute facts in a calm voice.  Even when I'd like to scream at someone what an absolute *&%$&IOOUHE#%$$@#E they are,  I find it better to use calm ridicule often with a smirk.

Now TBH that is not something I have to do very often.  I find more decent people out in the world than not.  But when someone is being an total a$$ it's okay to just make fun of them. 

Your DH one should not have answered the phone.  After he gave her the answer he should have hung up. And he should have just stopped the conversation with his father and laughed at that ridiculous assertion that your DH should not put him in the middle.

Your DH had a perfectly logical solution.  He should just state it to all and then hang up on anyone being an ahole.

And you my dear have permission to state honest facts and to let others know what behavior that you will not accept - but try to do it in a civil manner.

Your FIL didn't "take sides". And after he heard his son's side he did back his son and ask FIL be left out of this stuff.

The old guy had a screaming hysterical nutcase on the other line declaring to him his son was not allowing grandson to come for the traditional 'you are 8yrs old' passage. 

Do not take your anger of BM out on your FIL/MIL. It's not their fault your husband  originally married a a crazy lady and had child with her. 

Put the anger where it goes. On BM. Then on your husband who was silly enough to answer the phone when BM called at dinner hour after having just texted ordering him at call as she had an "urgent' question to ask. Not that she had an emergency at hand, but that she had a question of some 'importance' .

" She's known for months that SS is going to be flying out there why did she wait til the last minute to do this? "

Probably because she likely just found out her she needed Dad and his signature. She's been very probably assuming she didn't need Dad at all and she could just do it on her own ... and now she's running out of time to get it done. No one's fault but her own . No crisis here, but the one she made herself. 

There is another blog here on just this. I think it was Tankh21. Her nutty BM did same thing with the hysterics when realizing Dad's presence or proper form along with Dad's signature and ID was actually needed. Who'd of thought **wink** that a kid needs both parents ... but a blow to a BM's ego. 

You need to work on your DH's endless belief he needs to somehow jump when this woman barks. This is the nut who demanded proof your little was very sick. Your husband is dealing with a overbearing high conflict crazy lady. I'm going to suggest you try and recommend counseling for Dh. When you try telling him these things (example, don't call her back until later) he's questioning himself in his head if that's an ok thing to really do or not. A neutral third party (aka therapist) can be that third person. It can sometimes help to build confidence and gather a tool kit, so to say, when actually dealing with the difficult person (BM). 

See, when the man had a few minutes, he figured out how to get the signed requirements without all the hub bub *snap-snap, jump Dad jump, I'm ordering you* BM was barking. There was never any need for BM to have done any of the drama crap she was pulling. None. 

Until the man believes in his own self and his own parenting abilities and that BM isn't the all knowing powerful being she thinks she is, it' just going to be moving from one drama crisis to the next in your household. 

I get your frustration! When I first started dating my SO he would ALWAYS respond to BM. She text (something crazy, almost always) and he was immediately responding, and if she called he always answered. It was never necessary conversations, and I’m fairly certain she purposefully was trying to interrupt because she knew I was there. Anyway, it took mannnnyyy arguments and talks before he stopped responding to her, and I basically made him block her because it was so constant and disruptive.

We were then taking the kids to Mexico, and she actually refused to sign the passport paperwork. So my SO took her to court, where she cried and tried to tell the judge the kids were in danger with us (we had a recommendation from the Guardian ad litem saying she thought the trip was a good idea and they should be allowed to go). The judge immediately ruled that we could take them, and forced her to sign the passport paperwork. It was one of the best days ever! *yahoo*

The point is, hang in there, and hopefully you can get to the point where he can ignore her “urgent” need for him to call. Either way, Venting about the situation is necessary! 

And its not about children, so she can wait. SO used to be so used to having to jump through all her hoops, that it was kind of ridiculous to see his reactions to her texting.

When we first started dating BM called and was rant and screaming about something stupid. I took DHs phone and hung up. 

I told him he was the one with the power, stop giving it to her. She called back & he hung up, then he turned his phone off. It worked. She still called but as soon as she started yelling he’d hang up.

It took 5 yrs but I managed to persuade DH to hang up if NPD BM even raised her voice to him.  I couldn't bear to listen to him trying to appease her. 

Hang in there OP been there done that and still doing it. Your DH isn't required to rush to the phone every time BM calls.

... right off the bat, same reasons except our BM isn't an international traveler so we never had passport ussues. However, my boundaries in my own home made me ask DH why he answered when EVERY time it was some manipulative mind-f*ck that just upset him? I pointed out how that allowed her to keep control and yes, she was trying to get under my skin too. I told him that even her voice is unwelcome in my home & suggested text-only would be better for a multitude of reasons: 

• No more allowing her voice in our home or in DH's ear
• BM so lazy she won't write out as much b.s. as she spews verbally
• Removes BM's ability to interrupt our lives 
• Removes BM's ability to enjoy hearing DH get upset
• Limits BM's ability to know anything more than whatever SS tells her 
• Allows DH to respond (or not) with his deliberate, considered response rather than responding with anger & saying anything regrettable
• EVERY cray-cray syllable she DOES text is documented & easy for StepUltimate to prepare evidence packets prior to court (this helped DH WIN!)

My DH very quickly felt RELIEVED that she wasn't able to wind him up any more! He thanked me & said he wished he'd started text-only communications years earlier. It literally sucked the power clean out of her control. It was a beautiful thing and I'm glad this thread is reminding me of something I did right.

We've had so, so many horrible similar situations over the years...where BM has put DH and/or his parents in the middle. She's even (more than once) called or emailed HIS parents directly to ask for money. We've had to tell her not to do that again multiple times...contact us and WE will decide whether or not to contribute. Don't go to your ex-inlaws. YEP...even if we say NO...that doesn't give you permission to go to them behind our backs for a different answer. So gross and classless. 

Sorry you're going through this. I wouldn't want to see them, either. Anyway you can get a Priceline Express Deal at a nice hotel this weekend?