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I give up....

JustLeicaGirl's picture

you know, I found you guys just at the right time. I was talking to my DH about this week end, and we are getting SS Saturday morning, rather then Friday night due to his Lacrosse practice & pictures --- and then we have my nephew's party in a couple of hours away, which will be fun. My DH says "So Saturday is going to be busy." And I respond, yeah, and she's getting SS at 6PM on Sunday, right?" Which is what the divorce agreement says -- 7PM Friday - Sunday 6PM every other week --- which we NEVER get -- BM usually sends her mother around 1PM to pick him up. And then he says " I don't want to fight, I know you like to fight, but I told BM that it can vary week"... so I said, "Well, you do know that by doing that, you are giving everyone (SS) permission to break the visitation agreement." And then DH says "No, no I'm not giving SS permission to see us when he wants..." etc. And you know what??? They deserve each other --- I am the one f&cking fighting to get more time with a f&cking kid who isn't even MINE!!!! I would NEVER stand for this... but it seems that my DH really DOESN'T want to see his BS more... or else HE would fight himself, no??? F&ck it. More time for my kids and my family.... SS is a sweet kid, I do love him, but life is easier without him here, frankly!
I feel kinda betrayed though from my DH --- I guess I feel like I've stuck my neck out, and had fights with BM & her SO other not getting SS as much as we are allowed to, fighting for HIS kid... so now, things will be VERY different if I'm not involved!! BM thinks that I MAKE problems --- my DH would see his BS LESS if I wasn't constantly saying that I wanted to go back to court, get the parenting time my DH has a right to.
I actually asked my BFF to "keep me accountable for no longer getting involved in this mess." Soooo... like at Christmas, when BM doesn't want SS here, or SS gets mad at DH --- it is ON THEM & THEIR dysfunctional relationships, NOT mine Smile
Ugh. I hate that at the end of all this --- it is ME who feels stupid. Maybe that is my sign that if I don't get involved (even though I feel it is the right thing to do, to try to maintain a healthy consistent relationship with SS for the sake of MY kids --- who really love him and look up to him) I would be left over with this hangover of bad feelings about myself and the whole situation.

Comments

JustLeicaGirl's picture

Thank you. You are sooooo right. And, um, NO, I don't care anymore at all!!!

NachoMama's picture

I had to stop getting involved with DH and this mess he has created...HIS kids...HIS problem. I am not fighting battles for anyone but ME from now on! Selfish approach but I like it! }:)

****I can do bad all by myself****

JustLeicaGirl's picture

Yeah, you got the idea!! LOL. Why get all worked up over other people's problems??? If my DH & I were to separate, which I hope we wouldn't.... I would NEVER put my kids through this horrible stuff... THAT I know for sure!

JustLeicaGirl's picture

Abeaulieu06... ugh!!! You know... I just feel that it is "the right thing to do" -- to fight for the legal rights of a child... but you know what??? If I am going to have sleepless nights, a knot in my stomach since Sunday and be irritable with my OWN kids... then you know what? BM wins!!! She does. She's got me thinking of her, and talking to my DH about her, and she's in our bed, with my kids, in my house.... meanwhile she's moved on with her toxic self, and taking a bubble bath or something!!!
The best revenge is a good life... that is the TRUTH!!! And to have a SC to go home and REPORT to BM all about it!!! HAHAHA!!!!

JustLeicaGirl's picture

HAHAHA!!!! Thank you crayon!!!! Ugh. You are so right. You know... my SS11 still WETS THE BED!!! While mine BS4 doesn't!!! He will wake up in the middle of the night, go to the bathroom, pull his Pull up down & pee... I've always told DH that he is going to see a BIG difference in our kids --- and THAT is going to be how I get even!! I will be a better mother to my kids! I will not be mean to my SS, but at the same time, I will NOT be googling WHY he's wetting the bed, while his parents don't do anything... much less even ask questions when he's taken to the doctor!

steppinginsf's picture

I agree with all the ladies here...I often find myself doing this- I just used my spring break to stay at home with SS, who was also on spring break, so that FH didn't have to "ask" BM to take SS extra days. I didn't want FH to owe BM anything, ask for any favors, etc.
But does he stand up to her when she manipulates the day she's supposed to take SS that week? Does FH stand up to her when she treats him like he's the 10 year old and talk in a total disrespectful and emasculating way? NOOOOOOOO.
Do I get a huge amount of gratitude? NOOOOOOO.
Did I wait on SS hand and foot b/c that's what FH does- it's like this kid lives in a hotel. YESSSS.
And am I resentful now? FOR SURE!
I clearly have not disengaged from this yet- although I know I should. I just want to support FH, I think. I want him to fight for his son, rather than rolling over at the manipulations of BM. I guess I can't change him or the way they've always related. It's just that I then hate experiencing his stress, frustration, fear about losing SS, etc.