Ok, so I've been on a diet and decided I needed some wine this weekend (2 months none)...damn it's good.

Letter I wish I could send to SD 15, but of course never will

Dear SD,

I was 21 when i met your dad, I expected some weekend sex and a few free dinners, never expected marriage. I fell in love with him so fast and knew we were meant for each other...that was 11 years ago. If I could meet 21 year old me today, I would tell her to run like hell!!!!

I know that having you made your dad be the kind of man that I wanted and for that I'm grateful, but otherwise your very existence has caused me more pain, heartache, confusion, anger and lonliness than I can ever begin to tell you. Your mom is a loser, your dad is the best father I've ever known...you know this and your fear of losing him to me makes you jealous and sad.

Your lies and manipulation, your fake tears and drama, your lack of common sense and basic skills of common courtesy make me want to slap you...just once, when you roll your eyes at me and smart off, I wish I could slap your mouth.

You are so close to being a grown woman and yet I know that it will be a very long time before you are self sufficient enough to be an adult. You do not have the brain power, persistence, drive, or strength to go to college, if you graduate high school, so now what???

You are the only reason I have ever thought of leaving your dad, if we ever get a divorce, it will be because of you. We were so passionately in love for many years, but your constant need to cause trouble and create turmoil every where you go has sent our lives into such a tail spin that not many couples could recover.

I have been good to you! I met you when you were 5. I taught you how to cook, taught you about boys, periods, sex, alcohol, told you secrets about me that not many people on earth know, held your hand to crossed the street, sat up with you when you were sick, hugged you and let you cry when your first boyfriend dumped you, bought you clothes, shoes, haircuts, did your homework, cleaned up your puke, wiped your ass, did without clothes, cars, vacations, dinners out, and a child of my own so dad's child support could buy your mom designer jeans, new cars, and day care for your 1/2 sister that doesn't belong to him.

Sometimes, I close my eyes and wish that you didn't exist. I imagine it's just me and my husband, spending our time and money how we please...we could be anywhere, do anything, it's you that holds us back.

I hope and pray that one day you will realize what I have given and given up for you and give me the respect that I deserve. All I want is just one "thank you, you were good to me"

I pray every day that I can hold on long enough to get you grown and gone, so that I can have a life that does not revolve around you!