Skids' Activities
Does anyone else feel like BM purposely schedules activities during Dad's time? SD just joined a new softball team and will have one, sometimes two games every Sunday. Soon she will be starting basketball, which overlaps with softball so she will then have softball AND basketball games every Sunday. Since SO has her on Sundays, he will be the one shuttling her around to all of these games and the venues aren't anywhere near where we live. I've already told him that I probably won't be attending all of them because I didn't sign up for this. A game or practice here and there is not an issue for me, but SD's activities do not have a monopoly on my time. Aren't there any leagues that play on days other than Sunday?
Of course we weren't advised of this until after SD was already signed up. In fact, we found out FROM SD while we were visiting SO's parents. We haven't even been given a schedule of the games, which makes it really hard to plan. We had plans to spend this Sunday with some of SO's family and now we may have to cancel. Not to mention the fact that it completely interferes with SO's parenting time. I have suggested that he ask BM to have SD on Saturdays, but that just means that SO will have SD all day Saturday and then want to go to her games on Sunday so any plans we have with my family or any work that needs to get done on our house will get pushed aside and I am definitely not okay with that.
What would you do in this situation?
- Lemon65's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
BM who has primary in another
BM who has primary in another state convinced the court that SS can't come out for Christmas becasue of basketball and can only come out for 3.5 weeks in the summer because of rec baseball and then football starting. So out of 365 days a year we get SS 34.
If I was you guys, I just wouldn't take her on your scheduled time. BM can get mad all she wants but on your time, in your home she doesn't get to dictate what you do. Now, if you don't have anything planned, take her, but if you do- don't!
Very inconsiderate for BM to
Very inconsiderate for BM to schedule that without speaking to him first, as it affects him spending time with her. Can he change the dates of being with his daughter to picking her up on Friday nights and have her Saturdays?
We only do the occasional
We only do the occasional overnight, mostly because SO works about 60-70 hours a week but also because BM has SD's weekends booked solid. SO would still want to go to her games so even if we had her only on Saturdays, we wouldn't have a free weekend for the next 5 months or so. That may work for some people, but not us.
If Dad isn't mad about it...
If Dad isn't mad about it... I guess it is what it is. But, I do think it sucks that he only gets her one day a week and now that day is overlapped with an activity that will prevent them from interacting much.
I think he should be able to fairly liberally not take her to games when something else is planned. I would also get the schedule now so that you have some idea of when plans might be better avoided so she doesn't miss too many games. (for her sake, not BM's).
Classic HCBM
playbook. Skid(s) don't have time to bond with dad and get involved with everyday activities if they are chasing a ball around the field.
Another plus for the HCBM: Makes mom looks like she is doing it "for the chilllllldrreeen" and that she is MOTY by enrolling skids in every.blessed.activity.under.the.sun
Plus three is that it tends to jack up CS to cover all the extra curriculars.
Oh, there is nothing in the
Oh, there is nothing in the CO about paying for activities and she has already been told that she won't be receiving any money for activities that she decides to sign SD up for without running it by SO first, which has been every single activity.
Yeah this sounds like a
Yeah this sounds like a typical HCBM move to me. Also I think it is ridiculous that a parent has to shuffle around a kid every weekend. To me extra curricular activities should not be a part of parenting.
I AGREE! This is one of the
I AGREE! This is one of the main reasons that having children does not sound appealing to me. You are their personal chauffeur for 16 years (we don't really have to count the baby and toddler years). I don't understand why parents do it to themselves. BM used to have SD signed up for so many activities, it was insane. Even now, they spend their entire weekend running around. No thank you, I work full-time and would rather spend the weekend relaxing in the comfort of my home.
My son
was in cross country running, chess club and became a soccer coach for the elementary school kids when he was in middle school; ALL on his own initiatve. I did no ferrying him around. He walked to practice and got the team bus. I barely could make it to any of these activities because as a divorced single mom with ZERO CS, I had to work 2 and 3 jobs to put bread on the table.
She sure did!
Every single thing. Even horseback riding, the SS's had zero interest, but hey since SO didn't ever want to argue with her, we paid thousands and thousands in CS after that very busy year of her putting them in everything under the sun. Oh ya, and he didn't even go after her when they quit all the activities. I am so effing happy the SS's are aged out, and living with mommy. ( 24 and 22 years old ) LOL
Call me crazy, but when my
Call me crazy, but when my own kids were much younger, they were allowed to participate in ONE activity at a time. Granted, I had 3 kids, but even if I only had 1, I would not spend every afternoon and weekend carting them from one field to another. When my youngest got second place in the soccer playoffs, she cried because they didn't get first BUT they got a trophy anyway and then she cried because the trophies were on backorder and they didn't get distributed at the pizza party. In her younger days, she would have made my SS look mild. lol That was the year soccer ended for her when I saw what a brat she had become over it. She was 6.
ANYWAY .... I'm sorry about this for you. My SS's mom pulled this crap awhile back - they would meet for weekend dropoffs at the halfway mark and in the beginning, she'd leave like an hour and a half early without letting my husband know ahead of time - we're on a date, she texts "almost there" and he looks like an asshole at 4:45 even though court documents said that drop off was at 6pm. I absolutely think golden vag moms like to screw with the ex - ESPECIALLY when there's a new woman involved.
Yep, as others stated,
Yep, as others stated, classic HCBM move. I've been dealing with this crap for years and also we live 30 minutes away from these activities so it eats up time, money and gas, but it is "in the best interest of SD" and "SD needs to be put first" or we get the "I'll take you back to court for more CS" scare/bully tactic. I'm actually dealing with this same scenario right now. Cheer EVERYDAY of the week oh and MOTY BM is also a "cheer mom" so she helps plans additional activities for SD's cheer group and so far these additional activities pool parties for the squad have both been scheduled on SO's weekend and of course BM makes these extra activities (that are NOT mandatory) out to be super significant. The first pool party feel on my younger son's (SD's half brother) birthday. Of course the "last pool party with this group" was more significant than my son's birthday so BM took her to that. The next one - this Saturday is also a "last pool party with this group" I guess just a smaller group than the other "last pool party" so she has to go and BM is pitching a fit that she has to take her b/c we already have plans and we aren't changing them. Of course SO gave SD the option to go with us or to this other pool party (we are also going to a pool party) and SD chose the cheer one. Now that adds 2 hours of unneccesary driving to go to this freaking pool party. SD is starting her first year of middle school so will likely be with this same group for the next 3 years at least but of course BM is making it seem more significant than SO's already limited time with SD. I honestly can't stand the spoiled little brat so the more time she is away the better but what pisses me off is the extra time and money we have to put into it and is expected to take precendence over any activity or plans we have on OUR weekend. Then BM who helps schedule these activities knows she is doing it on SO's time and complains when he tells her no and is all put out about "having" to meet up and take SD b/c heaven forbid she miss out! I seriously hate that woman. I'm a pretty easy going person but I've had enough of her tactics. I quit going to the stupid extracurricular activities with SO b/c this is the same BM that insists on sitting with us at every event she once said that not sitting next to her only hurt SD. Yes, she can try to manipulate anything to being about SD. I won't do it. I'm not obligated to participate in this crap and I refuse to.
I do think that extracurriculars are good for children. I have my son signed up for hip hop. However, I don't expect someone else to run him to and from practice and give up there time for him to be involved and it is 1 day a week vs EVERYDAY!!!!!
BM here was too lazy to get
BM here was too lazy to get the skids involved in anything. We got them involved in martial arts, which they both LOVED. BM thought it was a great idea. We paid for one skid up front and she paid for the other. All she had to do was get them to the dojo twice a week during her weeks, which she happily agreed to do. Of course, after the first month, she couldn't manage that, so they missed class on her weeks and didn't progress. They weren't allowed to continue due to lack of progress. You'd think since she ALREADY PAID FOR IT, she'd manage to get them there. But no. Too much internet surfing and Netflixing to do! When we asked the boys why they missed class, it was always along the lines of "there was a movie Mom wanted to watch" or "the pizza wasn't delivered yet." Oh well. Too bad for the skids, but there was nothing we could do about it.