SD is a Broken Record
SO and I moved from a one bedroom apartment into a house about 8 months ago. There has always been some talk of adopting a dog once we had a house, but we do not have a fenced in yard and agreed to wait until we do. However, every single time SD11 comes over she pesters us about getting a dog and she is RELENTLESS. I am always the one that has to shut it down because SO sits there and encourages it, which I find very annoying.
To appease her, SO had mentioned getting a cat in addition to the one we already have so for a while SD was stuck on the cat idea. I have said no to the cat and I am standing my ground. We adopted the cat we have now about two years ago and she is my baby. I do not want to bring another cat into the home because I fear it will stress her out and to me, it is not worth the risk.
Yesterday, SD wanted to go to Pets Mart "just to look". We told her no so she of course started in, asking when we would get a dog. SO told her when we get a fence, so she then wanted to go look at fencing. As if we are just going to immediately buy all of the materials, install it and VOILA! - a fence! I had to explain to SD that fences cost money and right now we have other priorities that also cost money. But that of course didn't stop SO from agreeing to look at fencing and suggesting that maybe we just adopt another cat to which I responded, "You and I already had this discussion and we don't need to have it again in front of SD".
Now I understand that children do not fully understand the concept of money (or patience), but I have several issues with this scenario:
1) SD already has a dog at BM's house (I'm guessing because she pestered BM into submission, but it's not going to work on me)
2) SD is only at our house one day a week, so she will not be there to help take care of the dog
3) SD is a child and should not be involved in any decision that would effect our household
4) SO needs to stop making me be the bad guy and tell SD to knock it off
5) It has been a dream of mine for some time to adopt a dog from a shelter and SD is ruining it. Part of me doesn't even want her there when we finally do go to adopt a dog. I have had to be patient for a long time and I feel like SD doesn't understand that a pet is a very serious responsibility - not just a plaything.
Sorry this is so long (and petty), but I had to get it off my chest!
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Comments
That is annoying! I hate when
That is annoying! I hate when they indulge them by not shutting down the constant badgering, so they just persist with asking for the same thing over and over. And what would be the point of her getting a dog OR a cat, when she is there one day a week? It doesn't even make sense.
She was with us when we
She was with us when we adopted our cat, but in no way is it hers! If we end up getting another pet, it won't be hers either. If you don't help take care of it or spend any time with it, you don't get to pretend it is yours.
Tell SD you'll get a dog
Tell SD you'll get a dog after she graduates from college. I'd like to kick your SO for encouraging her and NOT shutting her down.
THANK YOU! I think because he
THANK YOU! I think because he only sees her once a week, he is always treating her like a peer instead of a child. It results in a battle of wills between her and I.
He's Disney-dadding and
He's Disney-dadding and making YOU look like the bad guy. That is NOT okay.
He does this A LOT! Example:
He does this A LOT! Example:
SD: Can I eat this messy food in the living room on your brand new couch even though I am careless and frequently spill things?
SO: *Looks at me*
Me: NO!
You and SO need to have a
You and SO need to have a serious talk about him constantly making YOU into the bad guy. He's being a butthead.
But if he's going to continue to Disney Dad and you're Evil Stepmonster, then so be it. Get a couch cover (he pays for it) and he cleans up any mess SD makes that she does not clean up. Anything he wants to Disney Dad over is now his repsonsibility for cleaning/fixing.
You: "DH, wimpy men who hide
You: "DH, wimpy men who hide behind their wives' skirts are not sexy to me."
This was my DH when we got
This was my DH when we got together. His girls would ask for something and he would ask me in front of them. Then I had to be the bad guy and say no. I hated going shopping with them because we were always on a budget and he would still do it.
It finally stopped after I snappes one day. He added 6 or 7 items to the cart and said, we can fit these in, right? I had enough so ilI grabbed my keys and purse. I told him that he knew we had a strict budget and I was tired of the crap so here is the list and the money and he could figure it out. Then I left. He never did it again after that day.
I have no patience for the guilty parenting. I think you need to have a serious discussion with him about it because he is seriously hurting your relationship with his daughter.
I have had to tell my 8 year
I have had to tell my 8 year old, who is a pesterer, that if she keeps asking me the same question, her electronics will go away or she will go to bed early.
Kids will act in the way you allow. Tell your DH to shut it down or YOU will shut it down.
Let her bring her dog from BM
Let her bring her dog from BM's house one weekend. Make her take it out and walk it on the leash, since your yard is not fenced. Just to be sure there are no accidents, the dog needs to be taken out every hour. And she needs to brush him, so his fur doesn't get all over the house. And she needs to pick up his poop from the yard.
I would be afraid to let that
I would be afraid to let that dog into my house! BM doesn't like dogs, so they leave it in the backyard or kennel it inside. Since they don't spend any time with it, I am sure it is not well behaved. I feel horrible for that dog, I really do.
Went through this with SD14
Went through this with SD14 when she was 11/12 - she wanted a Kitten. They are so cute and fuzzy! Told DH no way in a million years was that ever going to happen: 1) she was not responsible for anything 2) She didn't like even helping feed my two cats b/c the food was "gross" 3) Litter box? ....bwahahahahaha!.... 4) she hated my cats sitting on her or walking over her or sometimes even touching her 5) my girl kitty is super territorial, would not likely end well and 6) I am not, repeat *I* am not getting another cat because you know who would be taking care of it.
SD12 (then 11) wanted a Bunny. NO way in H!ll DH. Told him to look up rabbit care and maintenance. End of discussion.
I would love to adopt a
I would love to adopt a kitten - our cat was about 6 months old when we adopted her. However, I know first-hand what stress can do to a cat's health and it is not worth it. Cats are very territorial and introducing a new cat into the home is a process, which can go very wrong. I have had to explain this to SO about twenty times.
Every single animal we got..
Every single animal we got.. the girls would try to take ownership of.. "my horse" "My dog" etc..
I think in a lot of ways they liked the IDEA of owning a horse.. or a dog etc.. but the reality of actually day to day care? no.
Your DH is not doing her any favors by stringing her along on all of this. The correct answer is "Honey, you already have a dog at home and you are only here one day a week.. so having a dog isn't possible."
It's like the fact that my father was military.. zero chance of me having a horse.. they never gave me false hope. The reality was what the reality was. It's really kinder to give her one dissapointment rather than stringing it out into a death of a thousand cuts.
I think the next time she
I think the next time she brings it up, I will point out the fact that she already has a dog at home and if/when we decide to adopt a dog will be our decision and not to bring it up anymore. Is that too harsh? I'm just tired of the constant badgering.
Nope, not too harsh.
Nope, not too harsh.
And, I don't care if he sees her once a week or once a month, your husband is her DAD. Not her peer, not her friend. Doesn't mean they can't have fun together but he needs to learn where the line is drawn, she still needs to respect him as her father.
Sounds legit to me. Tell her
Sounds legit to me. Tell her that there will be no new pet for now, and she should not bring it up. The next time it will be talked about is when you and DH decide to get one, and you will let her know when that time is.
The message is not too harsh.
The message is not too harsh... but you need to get her father to deliver it. without invoking your name.
Not too harsh at all! I
Not too harsh at all! I would say, you're only here 1 day a week and not here to care for it. YOu need to drop it and enjoy the dog you have where you live. When I'm ready to adopt a dog, I will, until then you need to stop asking, you're annoying.
Be direct, since Disney dad can't be.
Dogs are a lot of responsibility
SD is not going to take on that responsibility one day a week . You get a Dog by yourselfs. With out SD. It’s yoir dog you should get what you want
How about ignoring her
How about ignoring her whenever she brings up the whole dog thing again? I'd look at her like she has two heads and tell her "I've told you a thousand times and won't repeat myself again but NO".
Than have your H get his b@lls back and explain to his daughter why NOW is not a good time.