What's with the Sudden Change?
I am bored and probably overthinking things, but I have noticed a recent change in SD11's behavior that concerns me. While we were away for the weekend visiting SO's parents, SD was hanging all over him. I haven't seen her do this since she was 7 years old. She would stand right up against him, holding onto his arm because she was "cold" or she would lay her head on his shoulder because she was "tired". It was definitely a little odd and I could tell that it was making SO feel uncomfortable. Has anyone else's skids suddenly become very affectionate towards their father?
It is mostly bothering me because SO invited SD to go to a local amusement park with us in October. We went once around Halloween, just the two of us, and we had a blast. Since then we have discussed going back, but never discussed including SD. I personally don't think it is a good idea because parts of the park will be "haunted" with people dressed in very convincing and scary costumes. SD is a huge scaredy cat - Jumanji (the original) gave her nightmares and it is a kids' movie for crying out loud.
I already know exactly how the evening will go - I will be a third wheel, SD will hang all over SO during the "scary" parts and then she will refuse to go to sleep that night, or even multiple nights (like after Jumanji). SO suggested that she bring a friend, but logistically I don't think that will work. I know I am waaaay overthinking this and it likely won't even happen, but I hate feeling excluded when I am with SO and SD and I kind of always thought that going to the amusement park for Halloween would be an "us" thing. Would you say something or let it go?
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Don't bring her
to the scare fest. Bring her to something different like a pumpkin hunt or a corn maze. Has she been in contact with the BM lately? Usually a sudden onset of mini-wife is due to a BM PAS amp up.
BM has full custody and SO
BM has full custody and SO gets SD once a week, plus any additional time that he asks for. There's no evidence of PASing (recently, anyway) but BM is pretty nasty to SO so I guess it is possible that she is saying things to SD.
Just let them go on their own
Just let them go on their own, while you stay at home and relax. I do not enjoy going to theme parks with SD and DH. SD is spoiled, whiny and clingy, DH is a guilty dad. It’s better all around if I don’t go. I usually try to avoid bringing the two of them anywhere I want to have fun. SD usually ends up whining about something, which leads to a grumpy DH, and I end up with two of them acting like miserable teenagers the whole time. If they go on their own without me, they have more fun. If take them separately, everything is great. When they’re together they make a toxic combination.
Say no to SD going with. SDs
Say no to SD going with. SDs new clinginess is her approaching puberty and being needy or trying out what affection with a male is like. It will pass. SD is finally growing out of it as she approaches 14.
How did you deal with it?
How did you deal with it? Three years is a long time! Now that she's hitting puberty, I find the behavior to be a little inappropriate.
I mentioned it to DH a lot,
I mentioned it to DH a lot, gave him examples, told him my expectations, threatened to tell BM, he accused me of being jealous and of hating his daughter. I told him there is nothing he could ever do with his kids that would make me jealous. Bought my own condo so I could go there whenever. He’s better now and sees what I see.
Say NO to SD
Tell SO this is an very, very adult trip. If he doesn’t get it. You have a real problem
My SD (also 11) has been even
My SD (also 11) has been even more clingy with my SO recently. It was so bad that even my SO was disturbed by it. He contacted BM about it b/c he wanted to know if SD was doing the same things with BM's bf. He told me that SD kissed him on the cheek like a lover would and it really bothered him. I think he told SD it wasn't appropriate and I think that even BM addressed it b/c it has gotten slightly better. My SD has a lot of mini wife tendancies so I wasn't shocked but I was glad that at least SO noticed it also and addressed it!
My SD has never had mini-wife
My SD has never had mini-wife tendencies before, which is why I was so caught off guard by her recent behavior. She is always very inclusive and respectful towards me. It is just such a turn off when you are holding your SO's hand and look over to see SD on the other side of him, clinging to his arm. No thank you! I hope the behavior doesn't continue because I will feel inclined to do something about it.
Yeah, I would be caught off
Yeah, I would be caught off guard in your situation as well. I was actually more caught off guard that SO was finally bothered by her behavior that I have felt uncomfortable with for sooooooooooooooooo much longer. I would agree with some of the others that is a combo of age and possibly BM instigating it. I know that the BM in my case continues to make SD feel like she has to compete with my whole family. Steplife is NO FUN!!!!! Do you know if anything has changed in BM's home? Does she have a new BF? Maybe something is going on there...hard telling!
BM has been with the same man
BM has been with the same man since SD was 3 or 4 years old. They are married and have a 6 year old son together. SD actually calls her stepfather "Dad" and calls my SO by his first name. It is a strange situation.
I'm not surprised. That
I'm not surprised. That sounds like a lot of BM shenanigans! My SD still refers to BMs ex bf's kids as her brother and sister and his neices and nephews as her cousins. They weren't even together that long and have been broke up for like 2 years.